Despite the fact that the 3DS XL is fixing the flaws that plagued the original 3DS (screen size, battery life, ergonomic feel), Nintendo’s ‘fans’ are still upset because it’s not the revision they wanted, despite the fact they already have this revision, quite possibly since 2005/2006. So what is all this whiny shitfest all about?
A right analog stick and two extra buttons. You know, the things you already have on an 360 controller and DualShock controller? The things you use to play console games that require you to aim like a robot using PC first person controls but instead of a keyboard it’s a controller? I just want to let you all know it’s a fucking awful control scheme and I can name one (yes, one) game I sort of could stand playing, and it was called Mass Effect.
And I don’t want this bullshit on my handheld. But no, I’m wrong for not wanting shitty control methods that show developers can’t think up control schemes that never worked outside of a PC set-up. I’m wrong for playing games on the 3DS that don’t require it, despite the fact Kid Icarus: Uprising came with a stand I wanted since the DS FPS days, but no, it needs right analog controls to aim, because none of you fucking played any of the DS FPS games. I’m wrong for not converting to it for playing Metal Gear Solid 3D, a shitty port of a game unsuitable for handheld play. God forbid a game, which using THE FUCKING 3DS GYROSCOPE for a horrible gimmick, couldn’t be used for AIMING while the face buttons could be used for moving the third person camera, in a game that has less features then its inclusion on the HD Collection (well fuck you too, Konami).
Gaming media, so-called fans of the 3DS, it seems you have forgotten what makes a handheld, you know, A HANDHELD. On my bus ride to and from work, I want to play games that don’t bog me down with the bullshit that has nearly turned me off from console gaming. I don’t want to change the in-game camera every five fucking seconds because you can’t properly figure out how to make an automatic camera. I don’t want developers alienating pre-existing 3DS owners because they will fuck them over with control schemes that won’t work without the buttons if Nintendo bent over to the ‘fans’ demands.
Shut the fuck up and play your console. Shut the fuck up and play on your iPhone or Vita. You want the 3DS to be something it isn’t, and if you withheld a 3DS purchase because of fucking analog sticks and buttons, well quite frankly fuck you. I don’t want to put up with your whiny bullshit. You play games with right analog controls on consoles.
Special thanks to Tiny Cartridge for the picture!