Nintendo: Not For Gamers

It’s been obvious for a long time, but it’s finally official. Nintendo’s latest commercial aimed to boost sales of the struggling 3DS, says they’ve given up. Olympic medalist Gabrielle Douglas admits “I Am Not A Gamer” in a startling confession that reveals Nintendo’s true focus.

Feel the sting, Nintendo fans. Nintendo doesn’t care about you, and gamers are the only thing holding them back. First they shunned hard working game journalists with their snobby “Nintendo Direct” briefings that nobody gets invited to; now it’s a personal attack on the proud legacy of gamers. Lucky for us, Nintendo might have gone too far with this recent ad campaign.

Gamers around the world are up in arms. The well respected, gamer relevant website TwinFinite put it very concisely;

“Every bit of progress, every hint of reconciliation, all of it thrown out the window. Nintendo of America doesn’t want to be associated with “gamers.” What exactly is Nintendo trying to say with this horribly misguided campaign? At best, the message can be interpreted as, “You don’t need to be an intense enthusiast to enjoy Mario,” but at worst, it comes out as, “Nintendo games and the 3DS are for normal people like you and me, not those troglodytic basement-dwellers.””

Ain’t that the truth. If Nintendo thinks gamers are going to take this lying down, they have another thing coming. We gamers are very good at complaining on the internet; and that’s only one of our talents.

Nintendo has copied Sony and Apple and built a good hype machine for Wii U; but what is Wii U really about? Not only has Nintendo stolen our games, but once again they’re trying to scam us with outdated technology, with reports suggesting Wii U is nothing more than another GameCube.

Wii U – it’s been done. GameCube bombed so hard that Nintendo’s banking on everyone forgetting about it. I didn’t forget Nintendo, that purple little thing really offended my masculinity and ruined the reputation of Virtua Fighter.

With Nintendo greedily publishing games like Kingdom Hearts, Dragon Quest and Monster Hunter, this is only the beginning. With this commercial, Nintendo has declared war on gamers. The gloves are off. It’s time to revolt, fellow citizens of the internet. Our identity as gamers is at stake, let’s show Nintendo that being a “gamer” isn’t something to fuck with! We’re hardcore, proud, and relevant! Lay forth your courage, and boycott Bayonetta 2 today.