WiiU is Failing, but it isn’t Nintendo’s fault

Good lord, I’m having déjà vu yet again! Three months into the life of the WiiU, we’re already seeing the cycle repeat itself as it did with the 3DS; sales start to stall, and third parties are no where to be seen. According to the NDP, WiiU versions of games are selling worse then the Vita! (…Vita still counts?) Nintendo didn’t do enough to advertise the WiiU and court third parties! WiiU is now doomed!

Nintendo isn’t to blame for this current mess. Continue reading “WiiU is Failing, but it isn’t Nintendo’s fault”

Pietriots Best Of Nintendo Wii!

Whelp, it’s already here. On November 18th, the Wii U ushered in a new generation of Nintendo hardware, and I’m very excited. Once again, we have a new controller that will deliver different experiences – but as we all know only niche developers and Nintendo will do something about it. Third parties? Haha don’t make me laugh, seriously.

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Reggie Play: Motion – Videos

The REGGIE SERIES is BACK, barely ahead of some JRPG that a handful of psychos cried for. NOA REGGIE ignored their grievances, spending his time more wisely by Wii-Playing with himself.

It’s been more than a year since Wii Play: Motion arrived, and like it or not, it offered a few glimpses of near-future gameplay elements Nintendo demonstrated in 2011 via 3DS and the upcoming Wii U. It explored additional curiosities beyond Wii Sports Resort, bringing another variety of “basic” motion concepts to life with effective results. Shamefully, the MotionPlus possibilities were hardly revisited in the context of more “complete” products by other game makers (aside from disastrous gimmicks on other systems) until the release of Skyward Sword. Wii Play: Motion is not robust – this 12-mini-game demo pack was never priced to be – but it is somewhat diverse, and some mini-games surprisingly have a lot more content than others (the very term “mini-game” is a bit misleading, making it sound like a one-shot deal worth only a minute before moving on to something new; each activity has a varying number of single and/or multiplayer modes, stages, and difficulty like its predecessor), but you can’t really count on journalists like GI-GN’s Gerstmasamassina to share useful information, can you. To top it off, these itty-bitty games actually work – no privacy-invading webcams and neon balls to calibrate.

Anyway, I have some inappropriate video and gameplay to observe. Reggie demonstrates.

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Game of the Year Awards – 2011

The pride, the glory, the honor. Which games will take home the top awards, and which ones will end up on the floor with a sore butt? Is there a difference?

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The Reggie Zone: Part 1 – Reggie Miracles

Reggie has seen many things in the hours, days, weeks, and months of racing he has competed dominated in Mario Kart Wii.  Some of which induced glorious fits of laughter, some of which compelled fits of rage capable of punting unlucky souls into another dimension.  You will now travel into this dimension; a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind.  A journey into a wondrous land of imagination.  Next stop, the Reggie Zone!

Continue reading “The Reggie Zone: Part 1 – Reggie Miracles”

How much Reggie can you fit into a kart? THIIIIIIIIIIIS MUCH! (not to scale)

Have you wondered what Reggie does in his spare time when he’s not off kicking ass and taking names?  He’s off playing that kiddy Mario Kart Wii game and mugging himself into every possible shot of the action!  Here are just a select few of these sightings…

Reggie gives other racers a generous head-start while he mugs for the camera.

Reggie forgets his list of names, and pulls a sharp 180 in the middle of the race to go back and get it…

Reggie makes sure the camera is watching as he takes a tight drift without even looking at the road.

Reggie shows off his wheelie doom-kart abilities.  Why?  Because HE CAN.  BUT! (PLOT TWIST) Continue reading “How much Reggie can you fit into a kart? THIIIIIIIIIIIS MUCH! (not to scale)”

Reggie Kart Videos – E3 2010

Join Reggie as he celebrates the first night of E3 2010: new software announcements, 3DS, ZELDASS, glorious sales data — all this excitement rapidly increases Reggie’s appetite. Surrounded by so many “game journalists,” Reggie can’t wait to thickly forge his foot against their flabby seats. Deep down, your behind is still sore from last year’s celebration. Punt.

(video link at end of post)Reggie disapproves of any DK-themed track.

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Reggie Kart Videos – E3 2009

Drive down memory lane and relive past glory as NOA REGGIE thickly forges another year of Expanded Audience Gaming. The smell of E3 journalists and 3rd Party Shameware is in the air, summoning Reggie to storm the online kart network and celebrate the Casual Consumer Conference — Reggie’s annual tradition, documented thru the wizardy of cyberspace video.

Join Reggie as he celebrates countless servings of SORE ASS on the EVE OF E3 2009. How does Reggie relax and prepare for the show floor after flexing his Casual Might during the press conference? He cracks open a beer then TAKES NAMES on the worldwide kart circuit. Then he gets more beer and watches the replays.

(video link at end of post)
Reggie can be in two places at once. A single Mii cannot contain him.

Things take on interesting turn on the SECOND NIGHT OF E3 2009 as he patrols the worldwide servers for ASS in the name of justice. What did Reggie encounter?

Continue reading “Reggie Kart Videos – E3 2009”

Pietriots.com Exclusive! A Sneak Peak at the Nintendo E3 Conference

With their show highjacked and the crowd in awe at the sheer brutality of Reggie Fils-Aime, a desperate Sony lackey kills the power from backstage. As the lights go out Reggie is heard to utter; “my body… is ready.”

Reggie and I had a coffee last week and we had a lot to catch up on. Turns out he’s been so busy kicking arse, taking names and running NOA that he hasn’t even had time to plan E3 in years, let alone get Fatal Frame 4 or Disaster: Day of Crisis localised. Who has been planning E3 then? You guessed it, Cammie Dunaway. Last E3 was a real kerfuffle if you recall my entry last year. Cammie told me they had already done the conference inside an L.A. McDonalds and it involved Reggie fighting everyone. You can just imagine my sense of betrayal when the actual conference took place and Reggie was restrained to talking about sales while Cammie embarrassed herself in front of the gaming community again. I was telling Reggie over coffee that it was these lies that forced me to sleep with Cammie’s daughter out of spite and cause the breakdown of our relationship.

It has to be said: Reggie is such an understanding and caring man. He looks me square in the eye and tells me that I did the right thing to cheat on Cammie with her daughter. He goes on though to explain that, despite my virtuous actions, Cammie had fallen into a state of despair. In her desperate state, the currently scheduled conference was to be her coming out on stage and performing interpretive dance of projected 2011 sales figures to the tune of a Super Mario Bros ringtone. Reggie explained that it was up to me to track Cammie down, cheer her up and deliver a solid E3 script. I asked if we needed a high concept one like my rejected Animal Crossing proposal or actually do the McDonald’s conference from last year. Reggie told me that we just had to keep it simple because planning time was short. Reggie payed for our coffee with a $100 note and left before they could give him change.

Continue reading “Pietriots.com Exclusive! A Sneak Peak at the Nintendo E3 Conference”