Super Smash Bros. Melee fan accidentally donates to charity

It could happen to anyone. CharizardKing69 was so furious about Nintendo’s treatment of the Smash community he opened his wallet in support of a new, grassroots protest event. This event was organised by fans after Nintendo cancelled the livestream of their own official Splatoon 2 tournament. Teams had changed their names to advertise something illegal, which prompted the business to act like a business and protect its own interests.

“I really wanted to stick it to Nintendo by giving money to people playing their game“, CharizardKing69 said defiantly. The prize pool was growing fast, and ended up passing $25,000 to be distributed among the top 4 teams. This was the exact moment CharizardKing69 donated, and the prize pool was capped. It was then announced all other proceeds after that would go to charity. “NOOOO!! THIS MONEY WAS MEANT TO GO TO OPPRESSED GAMERS!”.

The money instead went to support starving kids in Africa, but CharizardKing69 said this wasn’t good enough. “We need to educate these kids in third world countries, not feed them. If they knew how Nintendo was treating the Super Smash Bros Melee community they would happily starve to death for this good cause.”

Who needs food when you can sit down and enjoy this fine piece of history.

Others had a much more positive experience, with competitive Splatoon 2 players thankful for any extra attention their own dying competitive scene received.

“It was a historic moment”, said competitive Splatoon 2 player Whatsapp. This marked the first time in history Melee players have watched another videogame for more than a minute. Dozens of people’s lives were changed in one of the most important events of 2020, as fans sat at their computer desks motionless in celebration. The grassroots showdown event brought back the same players, teams and weapons everyone in the Splatoon community had seen a thousand times before. With new team names and artificial outrage, it felt fresh again.

Another competitive Splatoon player named Dooche made a video about this atrocity, comparing it to Blizzard’s censorship of human rights violations in Hong Kong. “Human rights include the rights to play a 19 year old GameCube game that has been illegally modded. If we can’t profit off other people’s work, are we really living in a free society?” he said, as he monetized his 300th Splatoon video.

During the stream event itself, a new user caused some controversy by asking a question. “Isn’t there a new Smash game on Switch? Why don’t they just play that?”. The troll was promptly shamed, banned, and doxxed. A moderator spoke out to defend the action “We have to show we are serious about preserving the integrity of the community, and we won’t bow to corporate pressure. Corporations only value money, while we want to emphasize human values like community, entitlement, and free speech that we agree with.”.

When asked to comment, a Nintendo employee putting up artwork at GameStop said “leave me alone”.

One thought on “Super Smash Bros. Melee fan accidentally donates to charity

  1. Thank you for this article! I almost made the mistake of spending my time and money towards helping the plight of refugee children when clearly the real issue of the day should be all of us helping a bunch of non-showering sexual predators of children who are having a tantrum they couldn’t play a game they’ve played thousands of time before at a certain time because they made their own mod to the game that the company and rights holder of the game does not approve of. Why aren’t we marching in the streets over this instead of police brutality?! I see tens of people online talking about how not being able to play Melee this one time has hurt them! Can you imagine going through such pain and struggling in life?

    Like

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