Borderlands 2 – Bandit Blues

I arrived at the bandit hideout as ready as I could be. My rifle was custom made by Dahl with an extra fire element specifically made to burn flesh. The rifle burns through 2 bullets per shot as a consequence, so I loaded up on ammo at the vending machine beforehand. I knew there would be tons of human freaks here. This world was now full of mutant spiders and hungry beasts, but humans were still the worst thing to encounter. It was technology that made us the most dangerous and stupid at the same time. What a combination. Anyway, my goal was simply to purge this place on a mission from Sanctuary. How did these guys become bandits anyway, it’s hard to believe it’s a choice. They have no cause. All they do is run around and die really. We could be rebuilding but we’re just tearing each other apart. I guess I’m not doing this by choice either, oh well.

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Freelance Salmon – Making Ends Meet

I’ve been out of work for a while now, but freelance keeps me going. It’s not all roses but it’s enough to get by. Mr Grizz keeps sending us to the same place and then complains that the eggs are drying out. We still get a good haul every now and then but freelancing ain’t what it used to be. I applied for this job to discover new places like this so called Ruins, but here I am back at Lost Outpost. I can’t believe he still sends us out here. The grates here wouldn’t pass any health and safety inspection in my days at Walleye Warehouse. Oh well, work’s work. As long as I did my best I could get by. I was low on chunks and just spent the last of my coins on scrubbing. Time to get to work!

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What Remains of Edith Finch – Time Well Spent

Sometimes all you need is a good story. Whether you’re reading one or writing one, the power of an event unfolding in your mind can not be underestimated. An entire world can come to life right in front of you. Things that are far away can feel like they are right there, if only just for a moment. You can’t have them but you can feel them. Through stories, people’s actions can exist long after they’ve been performed. History can be preserved. A single moment can become its own feeling to go back to. Sometimes you need a bit more though. Sometimes you need a good videogame.

What Remains of Edith Finch is a slow-paced adventure game that takes you to the large Finch family mansion, surrounded by dense forest. Many tragic events have happened here and it has resulted in every Finch family member dying in different ways, and you’re there to investigate what this curse is all about. With no real knowledge of who you even are or what’s waiting in the house, it has a very curious feeling right from the start. All you really know is your character “inherited” this place but hasn’t come here in years. Why would you not visit your gigantic house? It’s this detail that gives a subtle hint of danger and intrigue. How bad could it be? Continue reading “What Remains of Edith Finch – Time Well Spent”

GRID 2 – This One’s for the Fans

Are you ready to be the best driver in the WORLD? …. No? Well lucky we have created a series of events that will take you to that title, ready or not! There’s a brand new racing series taking off called “World Series Racing” and you’re going to be the first star driver. What an opportunity. You don’t even need to be good, just show up and make the sponsors happy. Heck, you don’t even need a drivers license. Who’s gonna check? You’re already on the grid, good luck!

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Quantum Break – Hero of Broken Time

What is time, but an egg. You can hard-boil your long-term plans or shatter that shell on a hot plate of opportunity. But what happens to time when it shatters? The correct explanation of time travel is that there is none. Quantum Break successful proves how ridiculous it would be, as a concept and a reality. At the same time it accomplishes a thrilling narrative and theorises how it could be possible and what the effects would be in the human world. What happens at the end of time? What happens when time is broken? Is your reality poached or sunny side up?

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Never Stop Sneakin’ – You Have One Job

I’m finally free from the Amadeus facility. I had been locked in a room for 3 months with nothing but a PS Vita, and forced to write about games I had no interest in. An agent from the Department of Sneakin’ was able to free me by taking the keycard off a guard and coming back to bail me out of this room. Apparently they are building a time machine & need my help. I’m not sure how useful I can be as a videogame reviewer, but Major Milestone was adamant I write about solitaire. I was more than happy to.

After submitting a 285 page writeup on the intricacies of solitaire, I stood there while the boss read it all, occasionally nodding his head. It turns out Major Milestone already knew the ins and outs of Solitaire. This was just a test, and the real game I was tasked to review was Never Stop Sneakin’ on Nintendo Switch. This game existed in an alternate reality in one of Amadeus several timelines, & before reviewing I had to sneak back into his facility to grab the game. The Department of Sneakin’ had declared it too dangerous to sneak in again, so they hooked up the Nintendo Switch digitally to give me control of another agent. The logic was sound, as the top-down view I had was a lot more than anyone could see on the ground. Their life was in my hands now.

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Hydro Thunder Hurricane – H2-Zero

Forget EVERYTHING you know about water racing games. That probably won’t take much effort, but let’s take Wave Race for example. You know that slow struggle to shift your weight as you set yourself up for the mercy of the waves? Well now you can FORGET that! Hydro Thunder says no to physics as you fly through the water at 350kph. It’s set in the future with advanced boats and stadiums with multi-layered water racetracks… and dinosaurs. What future is this? Forget that too. There’s no story or lore here. That only slows us down. We’re going racing!

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