Matto’s takeaways from the 9.23.2021 Nintendo Direct (and Bayonetta 3)

Screenshots were taken from Nintendo’s official website and PlatinumGames official website, and the Bayonetta 3 YouTube trailer.

A Nintendo Direct is always a good time, whether it announces the things you don’t expect or completely makes the “industry insiders” look hilariously wrong (more on that in a bit). But, hey, I got some things to talk about with this Direct, because some things are very interesting. But its also a chance for me to mock things semi-related to the Direct because why the hell not?

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How To Beat The “Impossible CPU” In Renegade Every Time

I recently finished mastering all the games in Clubhouse Games 51 Worldwide Classics for the Nintendo Switch. I’d almost done it a few months ago when I first got the game. I had been working my way through the various games usually bouncing around five of them until I mastered them and then dove into some others. However, it was near the end when I had eight or so games left to master that I started playing Renegade aka Reversi aka Othello in this package. It seemed like a simple game but I soon discovered it had more strategy to it than I had thought and soon the game seemed to be more complicated than Chess, Shogi or Riichi Mahjong due to the amount of times I’ve had to replay it.

It probably didn’t help that this was my first time ever playing the game of Renegade. With no idea of what kind of moves to make or what to look for on the board for the next best move, I was thwarted at just the Amazing CPU for some time. I felt I was improving over time and figuring out the strategy of the game and finally did beat that level of difficulty. Then I played the Impossible CPU and it was like I had learned nothing.

Nintendo showing how Renegade should really be played on the cover: CPU free.
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Control DLC – Shock and AWE (Classified)

Shhh, don’t tell anyone. I overheard the janitor say there was a secret section of the Bureau. He was singing something about “post-game paid DLC” but who knows what the heck that means, probably just singing to the plants again. I waited for him to leave and found a keycard to the “Investigation Sector” on his table. It was just glowing under a lamp, almost like he wanted me to find it. We all know how Ahti can be, always making a game out of everything. Gotta love him though. Without hesitation I dove headfirst into this new area from the Sector Elevator. This is my report of The Dark Spot from AWE. The following information is classified and can not leave the Federal Bureau of Control under any circumstances. Major spoilers ahead. Consider yourself warned.

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art of rally – lowercase in fifth gear

some people view racing as an aggressive, reckless, chaotic sport, but the experience of competitive driving is the complete opposite of that. pushing a fast car to its limit requires such precision that you are forced to focus your mind. to do this, you need to shut out everything else that might be distracting, which consequently brings a feeling of calm. you’re finally in control. nobody else can hit that brake pedal, only you.

life has an endlessly confusing amount of avenues vying for your attention, but when you’re in a car you know exactly what you need to do. the only thing that matters is the next braking point, because you might die if you miss it. this intense level of sustained focus instills a level of discipline that can also lead to ultimate zen and peace. art of rally harnesses the zen feeling of racing and allows it to flourish with beauty and creativity. we don’t need upper-case letters where we’re going.

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Control – Supernatural Lockdown

Cold, oppressive, stern, blunt, and quiet. The properties of concrete. If you stare intently enough, it can also be much more than that. Bare concrete is an empty canvas for human expression. There’s nothing better than a blank wall to empty the contents of your mind.

As you walk into the Federal Bureau of Control, the walls notice you. Pulsing and throbbing, you can feel the building breathing. It feels hostile, almost. It’s suddenly much harder to gather your thoughts. A living organism made out of concrete now controls your life.

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Super Squidlit – Muffin Overdose

The long awaited squid game sequel is here! After braving the monochrome Game Boy world of the first Squidlit, we’ve now arrived in the era of Game Boy Color! Now anything is possible with a full palette of wonder and excitement. This game has crammed in so many new things, it certainly earns the “Super” in its title, but does that mean it’s a better game?

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Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana – Vacation Isle

Your ship sank, your crew is missing, and you’ve washed up on a mysterious island, completely alone. So many questions flood your mind. Where am I? Where’s the rest of the crew, did they make it? This couldn’t be the mysterious Isle of Seiren, could it? Am I stranded? The existential anxiety fades as you begin to look around in awe. This place is beautiful.

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Ask Iwata – Leading With Your Heart

It’s been six years now and I still remember the day he passed away. I was living by myself in a lonely rural town and stumbled on the news in a tweet when I got home. We’d heard that Iwata was sick but the severity of it was not clear until now. It was a massive shock. It felt like I’d lost a family member, except unlike my real parents, Iwata was actually a good person. He had something that I had rarely seen in adults and certainly not leaders. That missing thing was empathy. Empathy for his peers, empathy for his employees, empathy for gamers, and empathy for people who didn’t game. Empathy is one of the most important parts of being human, our species simply wouldn’t survive without it. Yet, it is barely taught or understood.

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Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity – The Power of Technology

What would you do if you heard a great calamity was on the way? Nothing, probably. Where’s the evidence, a time traveling mini robot? Pfftt, you just want my data. Nobody would believe it. Thankfully this is a videogame free of narcissism with a cast of heroes, royals, and eccentric warriors who are keen for adventure. Enter the Age of Calamity.

(Zelda is visibly shaken by the watermark that Koei Tecmo decided to put on all of their Switch screenshots. So many scenes ruined. Nevertheless, all screenshots were taken on my Switch in docked mode.)

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Super Mario Sunshine – Disaster Strikes Pianta Village

I’m buggered. As soon as I heard the emergency call I shot my rocket nozzle straight towards Pianta Village. Taking advantage of the chaos, Shadow Mario stole my FLUDD backpack as I went through the pipe. Great. Doesn’t he get tired of ruining people’s lives?

Things have been tough ever since we arrived at Isle Delfino. I’ve been framed, thrown in jail, and treated like a criminal. Shadow Mario propaganda is all over town, and the Piantas all look at me in disgust. This was my chance to make things right.

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Super Mario 64 – Still Wallkicking

Good afternoon, Lakitu. It’s good to know that whether the year is 1996 or 2021, he’s still reporting live. Indeed times have changed, but this game really does still inspire a sense of wonder in its own little time capsule. I’ve started a new playthrough for the first time in years (in 3D All-Stars) and the experience has been so valuable I had to write about it. So many things about Super Mario 64 are still great, and its flaws make me thankful for where gaming is now.

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Videogame from a million years ago

[Objective: Hunt Food]

Ssshhh! We found something. The tribe stops and analyses the situation. These tracks on the ground… it looks like a deer has been here. Judging by the amount of dirt that’s covered the footprint, it’s 8 hours old. Judging by the depth and outline of the footprint, it was moving fast. Judging by the direction of the footprint, it was heading east. Several more footprints confirm it continued in this direction. A few snapped branches confirm it was in a rush. Does that mean there’s another predator nearby? We had better get back to the rest of the tribe to see if they are okay. These mushrooms and berries will do us for another day, and we can head east tomorrow to look for more tracks.

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Project Triangle Strategy – Field Report

The last Nintendo Direct initiated a surprise attack. While Square-Enix is running Octopath Traveler into the ground with a low-budget mobile outsourced exclusive prequel cash-grab, the developers of the original game have moved onto a brand new project in what they call the “2D-HD” series. Project Triangle Strategy has a similar rich pixel art style to Octopath but the genre has shifted to strategy. Even though it’s not releasing until 2022, they dropped a juicy demo to give us a taste of war.

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Nintendo 3DS 10 Year Anniversary (Guest post)

Between February 26 and March 31st is the 10 year anniversary of the 3DS, depending on where you live. It was a wonderful device that pushed the boundaries and friend of the site Lvaneede made an excellent tribute video that we’re sharing with you dear readers.

The normal version is embedded above but if you’d like the canonical 3D version, best viewed on your 3DS, touch here.