The three (and a half) reactions to No Man’s Sky

Which one are you?

No Man’s Sky is engulfing the gaming zeitgeist at the moment with every message board and news website drenched in discussion of the procedurally generated space exploration game. In this desperate attempt to get Pietriots badly needed clicks by posting about something topical, I’ll oversimplify the issue by distilling it down to what are essentially the only three responses the game has evoked. In fairness, the reaction to any game can be distilled down to the same three but the absurd about of hype around No Man’s Sky has amplified the effect. It is impossible to have a neutral opinion on this game, so, which category do you fall in?
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80 Days

or less around the world.

Inspired by the Jules Verne novel Around the World in Eighty Days, 80 Days is a choose-your-own-adventure game. You play as Jean Passepartout, the recently employed valet of English gentlemen Phileas Fogg who wagered that he could travel around the world in 80 days. As Passepartout, it’s up to you to pack Fogg’s bags, plan his itinerary and manage his belongings throughout the journey. Developed by British studio inkle and written by Meg Jayanth, 80 Days drenches Verne’s novel in feminist steampunk with a twist of romantic orientalism. Originally published on iPhone, 80 Days was ported to Andriod in late 2014 and eventually arrived on PC/Mac in mid 2015, this review was played on desktop version. 80 Days’s excellent writing, vibrant art and unique gameplay combine to deliver a polished game that comes highly recommended.  Continue reading “80 Days”

Incompatible With Game Journalists: A Star Fox Zero Review

Ladies and gentlemen, according to the internet at large I have a problem of Nintardism Type 3. I am suppose to be in the loud minority that Star Fox Zero is a terrible game and Miyamoto should be fired over it. Yes, Star Fox Zero is supposedly a blight on Nintendo’s record of quality games.

Having played Star Fox Zero constantly since said release, here is my response to that.

batman laugh

Star Fox Zero managed to innovate the way an on-rail and dog-fighting shooter should be, and also proves to be an amazing follow-up/reimagining of Star Fox 64. With EAD’s expertise in making a solid gameplay experience to Platinum Games’ amazing visual flair, this is without a doubt one of the best single player experiences on WiiU. Even with some (un)obvious flaws.

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Darksiders II – Death of the Wild

The universe is descending into chaos as the war between Heaven and Hell gets complicated. The Charred Council created The Four Horsemen, giving them the task of enforcing law and maintaining balance across multiple dimensions. Humanity emerges in a third dimension named Earth between Heaven and Hell, and this is where the real trouble begins. The very fabric of existence is threatened by screen tearing, as a videogame company named THQ threatens to publish the universe.

dsiideath

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Facebook advertising offers insights into the Zelda audience

Charles, here.

I had a windfall from my stocks in tobacco early this year and with a spare £15 I thought ‘why not invest in some Facebook advertising for that little gaming blog I own?’ Of course, I had to be diligent to not waste my spend. A cursuary glance at Pietriots reveals most of the content to be nostalgic yearning for children’s games of yonder and no amount of advertising could possibly generate any interest from stakeholders in reading these articles. Months passed, when young Bill Aurion wrote a topical and timely piece about The Legend of Zelda on the eve of the Electronic Entertainment Expo, this would be a perfect opportunity to promote content people may wish to read.

I now present the analytics of the Facebook advertising, with my insightful commentary revealing the truth about the audience of The Legend of Zelda. Continue reading “Facebook advertising offers insights into the Zelda audience”

The Rights of Artforms – Part 2

Editor
This is an editor.  His job of trampling pure artistic visions is necessary in order to keep works coherent, continuous, and relatable.

Thank you for rejoining me after Part 1. As stated earlier, this part will focus on video games in regards to artistic interpretation. So, in order to hide the fact that this part was done months ago and I simply cut a longer article in half so I could loaf for another month, let’s begin. And what better place to start than with the elephant in the room, Fire Emblem.

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This is the new world of Zelda…

It’s been two years since we got our first look at Zelda U, and now there’s less than two days until the hood is finally pulled off the secretive title.

We sadly will not see the game released in time for its 30th anniversary, with it being delayed to next year (likely to NX launch in March), but that does little to dampen the anticipation Zelda fans have for the title’s re-unveiling. Well, by fans I mean actual fans, not the ones that think Zelda should be more like Dark Souls, that Wind Waker’s art style is too kiddy, that the series requires voice-acting to be playable, or the numerous others with similarly unpleasant opinions.

So if you’re up for some speculation, let’s dive right in.

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Rhythm Thief – Pressing Buttons Through Paris

Are you ready, Fondue? *woof woof* We’ve got a game to review!

rhythmcoin

My father was a game reviewer. He would anonymously submit his writing to big magazines. Nobody ever knew who it was, but they all recognised his style and he became known as the Phantom Gamer. One day he mysteriously disappeared and stopped submitting, and I’m trying to solve the mystery by reading his old game reviews and looking for clues. He also left me this coin. I don’t know what it means yet, but I’m sure it’s the key to everything. To get into the museum holding my father’s old game reviews, I have to submit my own, so let me tell you all about Rhythm Thief on 3DS.

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Never Alone – Every Game Is Alive

The Iñupiaq people of Northern Alaska might be the most hardcore gamers to walk this Earth. They create weapons out of the bare nothingness they find in the ice, and use them to hunt seals and birds. One such example is the Bola, a throwing weapon with weights on the ends of strings, made out of bones. They throw it upwards to catch birds, and can score combos by hitting one bird on the way up, then another on the way down. They sometimes even get a third as the birds fall onto each other. With such an opportunistic eye and advanced usage of motion controls, I bet they could get every medal in Star Fox Zero. Now switch that scenario around and put a hardcore gamer in a freezing climate, they would die within a week. The Iñupiaq spend their entire day grinding their survival skills and contributing to the community. They create parkas out of seal intestines and feathers, and sleds out of driftwood and bone. They’ve put thousands of years into this game called living.

never-alone-living

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Star Fox Guard – Miyamoto Defense

Star Fox Guard is that “other” game that came out with Star Fox Zero, by a small Indie developer known as Shigeru Miyamoto. Previously known as Project Guard, it’s one of Miyamoto’s original ideas for the Wii U re-purposed into the Star Fox universe. As it turns out, Slippy’s uncle Grippy has been collecting minerals in space and he’s run into some trouble. I thought we’d never get to play this game, but miraculously it’s been finished and polished quite heavily. I’ve been playing the game a lot the past month and having a lot of fun playing every main mission, beating people’s levels online, and making my own. It’s very different to Zero because the control scheme is much simpler, all you do is scan through the cameras and shoot. Outside switching cameras on the touch screen and aiming them, it literally has one button. Every single button on the GamePad is the shoot button (even the dpad directions will shoot), and you’re going to need it.

robotapproach

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It’s Bad when Nintendo of America uses memes.

Oh no.

Obviously, Nintendo of America is being over-wrought by SJW leftist hippies as they love, love, and love the use of these obnoxious memes.

Clearly the best people to side with in denouncing Nintendo of America’s over-use of memes is… the Sonic the Hedgehog Twitter feed! Which also uses cringe-worthy memes based around it’s embarrassing status as a series. We should also side with Capcom because they clearly know how to localize their own game without the use of dank memes! I mean, it’s not like gamers made memes against Nintendo’s will, especially in regards to Star Fox in general. Oh hey, they also made some based on Splato– oh fuck burn it with fire.

Memes are triggering to these special snowflakes. Who also use meme images in their tweets angrily yelling at them.