Hope everyone’s doing well. There’s a lot going on in the world, but none of it really matters when you’re sipping some tea with a quality videogame. In any climate, our personal happiness and growth is the most important and powerful thing we can offer the world. 2017 is not a year I am comfortable predicting, it could be really good or really bad depending on a variety of factors out of our control. One thing I do know, is that our ability to have fun and get hyped is entirely within our means. It’s true. You could have fun at any given moment without warning. I want to kickstart the year on this site with a bit of spark, so here’s a buncha fun, real stuff to get hyped for right now in the gaming community.
After 1000 hours of intense Splatoon play, my left analog stick was getting old and losing its freshness. It would start to do its own thing in the middle of games, randomly not responding, going down, right, wherever it wanted. This is not a common console problem related to calibration, but a problem with the actual piece of tech inside. Wii U’s analog stick is a bit different to what you’d expect, with a circuit board “sensor” reading inputs instead of the joystick itself.
The internet has been buzzing ever since Nintendo stealth-announced Code Name NX in a tweet on Wednesday.
Night has fallen, for the first time in weeks. That means it’s finally time to slee- no, it’s time for SPLATFEST! I made my way to the plaza and couldn’t believe my Inkling eyes.
I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was
To splat them is my real test, to claim the turf wars
I will travel across the ink, letting off inkstrikes
Teach Pokemon to understand, the freshness that’s insiiiiiiiiiide
POKEMON, GOTTA SPLAT THEM ALL!!
Yeah!! The humans may have been useless, dumb and weak, but they had some pretty fresh entertainment in their day. Pokemon Blue and Red are popular videogames of their era that have recently gained popularity in the retro scene of Inkopolis. These games are not quite as impressive as Squid Jump or Squid Racer, but they have their own charm that has attracted large numbers of Inklings to the arcades. Even though the humans who made these games were wiped out, cartridges were found washed up on shores and we’ve managed to recreate the highly complex arcade cabinets that would have played these games. Inklings have been training Pokemon to stay fresh, with battling and trading becoming common place as Blue and Red trainers help each other complete their Pokedex. Today however, we are fighting for our favourite version and the only thing that will be traded is turf.
HYARRGHHH!! ROOOAAAARRR!! HNNNNNNNN!! Splat what? What fest? GO AWAY, I DON’T CARE!!
A New Year is upon us and every Inkling is keen to make a fresh start to 2016. Today’s Splatfest is a war over riches and fitness as Team Money and Team Fitness battle it out. I have chosen Team Fitness because I am an honest fighter. The goal of “getting rich” has no personal meaning or existential benefit, and is simply the easy way out for Inklings with no self-worth. It is a temporary comfort that loses its freshness the second the ink dries out. I would rather die on the outside, than be dead inside. An Inkling’s respawn ability encourages growth and fitness, and as a member of Team Fitness I am not afraid to make a mess and put down those money grubbing squids no matter what the cost. Furthermore, Splatfests are about teamwork and Team Money quite simply are not trustworthy. In it for themselves, they are in for a rude awakening when their scattered team in-fighting is destroyed by the efficiency, strength and speed of Team Fitness. To aim for “richness” as a lifestyle is to drift away from freshness. Fitness however is freshness, and fighting for freshness is fighting for our very existence. If Team Money triumphs, the Inkopolis economy will collapse and prices in the plaza will quickly skyrocket due to greed. Eventually we’ll be buying gear off Spyke and the Sea Snail business will also crumble as a result. Without fresh gear and Sea Snails the Inklings can not stay fresh, and will go extinct. This is a battle for our existence as a species.
It’s a debate that’s raged for centuries. Wars have been fought over it. Entire civilisations have fallen. Since the dawn of time, squids have fought over whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. That’s right, the age old question. Does pineapple belong on pizza? Ancient drawings from million year old squid civilisations depict a pizza with the pineapple being removed. Some say this proves it’s not an ingredient, others suggest the pineapple is being removed during the act of eating, and therefore part of the pizza. Pro-Pineapple Propaganda suggests it’s not even a true relic, but the work of Squid Satan. The true purpose of the pineapple remains a mystery, and this unanswered question has been responsible for untold bloodshed and inkloss throughout history. Today, it’s finally going to be answered in the most definitive way possible; a Splatfest.
I’ve joined team Anti-Pineapple because I am Pro-Freedom. “Pro-Pineapple” is founded on a lie, that pineapple has no place other than pizza. Pineapple should not be restricted to pizza, but have the right to be placed where ever is most convenient or appropriate. I believe the Squid Elders would have it no other way, and today, I will fight for that belief with a Splattershot in my hand, and pineapple juice in my blood. I am fighting for freedom.
Saturday, November 21st. The day my heart was ripped out and thrown around a giant hall in a bloody mess. No, not from a pretty girl who broke my trust. It was because my entire life was presented to me in the purest, most innocent way I could understand; through my favourite videogame memories. Every generation of Pokemon was celebrated one after the other, with hundreds of people sharing music and memories together in a brilliant performance by the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. The last
2 months 18 16 years of my life were set free to swim around the concert hall, completely naked. I could see everything through the sound. My first Game Boy, my first ever Nintendo game in Pokemon Blue, the excitement for Pokemon Gold & Silver’s launch, the grinding I did in Pokemon Sapphire to train for a tournament, the lies that bitch told, my midnight download of Pokemon Y. All the different places in my life where I embarked on each Pokemon journey. Such a huge range of situations would normally create a disconnect, but I left with an enormous sense of clarity.
Every few weeks the Inklings gather for a festival like no other. Splatfest pits two teams against each other, providing contrasting topics to debate over and throw ink at. Smack talk is laid down, drawings flood the Miiverse, and splats come loaded with purpose. This week it’s Dogs vs Cats, and I’ve just put on my Splatfest Tee to represent Team Dog. First, let’s take a walk around Inkopolis and absorb the atmosphere!
Nintendo Australia has been kicking arse lately. With brand new managing director Tom Nook, things are starting to turn around with tables no doubt being flipped over at NAL HQ. In our very first Nintendo Direct it was announced we were getting New 3DS this year, much to the shock of all 12 Australians active on Twitter. Very keen to have a look at this new machine, I got a sneak peak at the EB Expo and here are my impressions. Continue reading “New 3DS – Hands On (EB Expo)”
I was lucky enough to play Splatoon at the EB Expo this weekend, and even luckier to line up and play it again. And again. And a few more times. You make your own luck right? As an avid Mario Kart racer I still can’t answer that. Anyway, after 6 rounds I still wanted more but figured that was enough to get a good idea of the game, after all there were other games to try at the Splatoon Expo. The bottom line is it’s amazing, but this is the first paragraph so I’ll say a bit more.