Nintendo Direct DeConfirmed (updated)

Update: Nintendo Direct cancelled due to US Government shutdown.

Our inside source at Nintendo said that with the release dates for Yoshi’s Crafted World and Kirby’s Extra Epic Yarn being announced via press release today, the Nintendo Direct initially planned for the 11th of January has been shelved indefinitely.

Nintendo had previously delayed their direct presentations after natural disasters ravaged Japan. According to our insider, the most recently delay was due to fears the US President might institute autocratic rule, distracting customers from Nintendo’s message. Since the White House address was a bit of a fizzer, the direct may still go live next week.

Continue reading “Nintendo Direct DeConfirmed (updated)”

Playing Smash Bros with items turned off doesn’t teach you about life

There’s a correct way to play Smash Bros; 4 players, timed match, 2:30, items on, stage hazards on, random stage select. Any other way is wrong. This setup not only creates the most volatile and chaotic matches, but also the ones most likely to see the best players thrive. As anyone who has made it past the third grade of school knows, life is unfair. So why should your video game be any different? Smash Brothers teaches you how to cope with unfairness, how to handle chaos and how to seize opportunities to get ahead in life. Playing stock matches, without items creates not only a saccharine gaming experience, but also a generation of gutless imbeciles. Disagree? Well keep reading to find out why you’re wrong.

Continue reading “Playing Smash Bros with items turned off doesn’t teach you about life”

The Switch Online NES App is Amazing and Has Tons of Potential for Nintendo Classics

I know most of you have said this:

“I’m not paying $20 a year for online NES games!”

Well, first, whatever. I’m sorry your precious on-system voice chat isn’t there (and quite frankly those features were things I never liked in the first place, thanks experience on 360 Live!), or the fact you are now bitching about Cloud Saving despite that being a thing you wanted. I bought Switch Online membership for the year, and so too did Deguello. Why? Continue reading “The Switch Online NES App is Amazing and Has Tons of Potential for Nintendo Classics”

Short-Sighted Ignorance

A fellow user by the name of Travis Touchdown on VG Facts recently brought to my attention and others this fan comic.

Stay classy, Samus.

Besides the not-so-obvious fact this is a Metroid comic strip, that is Samus with a punchline that makes absolutely no sense, but the comment she makes Samus say at the end is actually hilarious, in a “god you are a dumb ass.”

The two images (which the artist redrew in their own style) of Zelda from Breath Of The Wild are somehow evidence Zelda is somehow another crying princess that has to be rescued. I don’t know how many of our readers have played through Breath Of The Wild yet, so major spoiler warnings after this paragraph, because I have to break down why this webcomic author is a fucking moron. Continue reading “Short-Sighted Ignorance”

Nintendo Dollars – Where Are They Going?

Amidst all the Zelda cheering and Joy-Con rumbling, Nintendo slipped a less exciting piece of news into their Switch event. There will now be a yearly fee if you want to play games online, a new service for Nintendo. It’s a tough pill to swallow for a userbase used to playing online for free. Now that we’ve all gotten over the kneejerk response and loosened our grip on our wallets a bit, I thought I’d bring up some discussion about this new structure.

Continue reading “Nintendo Dollars – Where Are They Going?”

Dragon Quest VIII – Journey of the Cursed Selfie

dq8selfiewithyangusG’day! I’m here with my pal Yangus at The Weary Wanderer, just ‘avin a brew and a laugh. We shared stories of the past and had a great time reminiscing. He’s got a real captivating way of telling a story with that strong accent of his. Really knows how to pound down the bevvies too, we were off our faces and had to stay the night. Luckily they had beds for us, we handed 4 gold coins to the nice man and fumbled our way upstairs.

Continue reading “Dragon Quest VIII – Journey of the Cursed Selfie”

Nintendo still loves us

It’s been a pretty good year. Not a great one, but pretty good. We’ve seen some heavy hitters on 3DS with Fire Emblem Fates and Kirby Planet Robobot, and intense console action with Star Fox Zero and some memorable Splatfests. Dragon Quest 7, Federation Force and Color Splash are brand new games that just released with tons of content. Pokemon Sun & Moon is right around the corner, and set to be the biggest Pokemon adventure yet. Despite a handful of 3DS games though, next year looks a bit empty. It’s even worse on the Wii U front, with nothing Nintendo-related besides Zelda. Yooka-Laylee is gonna be great too, but there’s an ominous dark void after March. Nintendo has been tight-lipped about NX on a level without precedent. Fans are getting frustrated, confused, and feeling a bit left out.

Continue reading “Nintendo still loves us”

Fire Emblem Fates – Birthrights and Love, Conquest and Blood

This game has taken over my life the past few months and absolutely dominated my 3DS playtime. After 160 hours I’m finally ready to write about how good it is. It’s gone above and beyond my expectations. The story is ambitious, the level design is brilliant, the characters are interesting, the soundtrack is rich, and the gameplay has evolved in all the right ways.

chooseyourfate

Continue reading “Fire Emblem Fates – Birthrights and Love, Conquest and Blood”

EA developing for NX – Kimishima’s Konditions

Recently EA have spoken in secret about the Nintendo NX and their lack of plans to develop for it. They outlined a bunch of things that Nintendo is required to do in order to be blessed with EA’s fantastic library of quality games. To sum it up, they want Nintendo to “provide a market for sports games” by throwing millions of dollars on sports advertising. They just want a userbase that will buy sports games. Sound fair?

Continue reading “EA developing for NX – Kimishima’s Konditions”

Pokémon Picross

Pokémon Picross is Nintendo’s latest free to play puzzle game. I’ve been enjoying playing it over the Christmas-New Years break while travelling through southern Western Australia. My review could be simply ‘it’s picross, with Pokémon and free to play,’ but I’m going to write a little more explaining what picross is for those unfamiliar and detail my frustrations with the free to play economics of this particular title. Continue reading “Pokémon Picross”

Metroid Prime – The Brightest Star

The cosmos. In the vast universe, the history of gaming is but a flash of light from a lone television. The light of a single console should be lost in space and time, but in the disc tray there is one light that burns brighter than all the rest. The light of Metroid Prime. Its legacy extends beyond the GameCube’s life and etches itself into gaming history. Today, a review of that legacy will be written.

samusgazing

Continue reading “Metroid Prime – The Brightest Star”