Category: Reviews

So, how was it?

Nintendo Switch Firmware Update 9.0.0 – Putting the AAA in Updaaate

That’s right! The hotly anticipated new firmware update is now available on Switch. We knew it was coming, but nobody expected it to drop today! Wow! They didn’t even announce it in the Nintendo Direct, that’s how secretive it was.

There’s nothing quite like that feeling of excitement when something new happens. The Nintendo Switch 9.0.0 Firmware Update captures that feeling in a single moment, with a surprise pop-up on the Home menu asking if you want to update.

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Super Kirby Clash – Free to Chill

Surprise! Kirby just ate all your games and downloaded himself onto your Switch. Just kidding, unless you’re a parent. Super Kirby Clash is now up on the Nintendo Switch eShop as a free download. This game was announced during the Nintendo Direct a few days ago and released immediately, faster than you could Uber it. It’s a sequel to the free-to-play 3DS Kirby Clash game, but now with the addition of online multiplayer. That was a big factor in getting me to try it. I’ve been playing the last few days and thought I’d do a little writeup to describe what it is. A platformer? A fighter? A kart racer? What’s Kirby up to?

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Rogue Singularity – Infinite Possibilities

What’s a robot to do? I’ve been told I have no purpose, yet I must have been created by someone, for something. These randomly generated “tests” lie in front of me, daring me to adapt. I use all my abilities to get through one after the other. Perhaps that is my purpose. I am the only playable character in this game. I am destined to play through these levels and beat them. I must do what nobody else can. This is the job I was created for.

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Turok – What A Time To Be Alive

I am Turok! This burnt campfire is my last memory of comfort. My next meal will be the taste of success. I’m not sleeping again until I save the universe.

HUT!

I launched away with a sprint. I don’t know any other speeds, only maximum thrust. My entire body tilted left as I changed direction using all my body weight and tilted my head to keep my speed around the next corner. I’m going to find all the parts of the Chronoscepter, before it gets into the wrong hands. I will slay anything in my way. I am Turok! I will record my adventures on stone tablets and send them to Pietriots, a trusted publication in the future!

…

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Redout – The Fastest Colour

Whoooosh! Scientists at Ferrari have already proven that red is the fastest colour (citation needed) and now we finally have videogame confirmation. It’s the year 2560 and the Solar Redout Racing League takes places on different planets to find out who really is the best racer in the galaxy. Is that why we’re here? The game doesn’t really have a story like the glorious cheese of F-Zero GX, unfortunately, so you can race for whatever cause you want. It’s the gameplay that matters, and this offers a slightly new take on the futuristic racing genre.

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Zoo Keeper Battle – Daily Petting

Do do DOOT DO DOO DO doot dodo. What is this ear piercing atrocity? It’s the glorious sound of an entire Zoo trying to squeeze out of your compressed phone speaker. Zoo Keeper has been around for a little while and saw moderate success on the Nintendo DS over a decade ago when the system launched. Since then there was a 3DS title that only released in Japan, and a phone game (iOS and Android) that has been quietly gaining momentum for the last 6 years. I recently downloaded Zoo Keeper Battle on my phone and was surprised to see 2 million people in the rankings. After losing some games I then realised there’s more than 3 million ranks… how low can I go? Anyway, this game is free and perhaps even better than the original DS game, with significantly more events and customisation.

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Blazing Chrome – Just Chrome It

The year is A.D. 21XX and humanity is…. ah screw it, you’ve heard it all before. This is yet another videogame where billions of humans have died and you are our last hope. There’s just something about ultimate apocalyptic destruction that makes for a good action game. Or survival game. Or story-heavy RPG. Or driving game. First-person shooting. Golf. Heck, is everything better without humans? No, that question is too deep for this game’s colour palette. Humanity is on the brink of extinction and it’s time…

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Beatbot Beatdown – No Violence Detected

The year is 2094 and robots have taken over civilisation. Only one human soul is left, but it’s stuck inside a robot. This robot is known as Beatbot. The problem is… it only has the power of rhythm, as the only method of expression of this particular human soul is music. Beatbot must dance his way through 11 stages of pure mayhem to overthrow the other robots and restore humanity by freeing the soul inside into the human container to get its body back. It’s under heavy guard by very advanced soldier robots and you’re going to need every funky bone in your body to help Beatbot.

*image cannot be found*

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Super Lucky’s Tale – Always Landing On Tails

Glada blad daneeashe blap blurp dawesome! Oh excuse me I’ve become an NPC inside a book and this is how I talk now, but I can still write in English I guess. That’s right I’m inside the Book of Ages and there’s a bunch of whimsical worlds here. Coins and platforms hover in the air and there are no rules at all. Oh except, you can’t rotate the camera too much. Small details. You also die if you hit something three times, but there’s plenty of lives to go around. I’m going to tell you all about a Fox who’s come to save us all, his name is Lucky. You see, this book is being threatened by the evil Jinx and the pages are being overrun by Kitty Litter. The who and the what now? Well, all you need to know is the fox’s name is Lucky and this is Super Lucky’s Tale.

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What Remains of Edith Finch – Time Well Spent

Sometimes all you need is a good story. Whether you’re reading one or writing one, the power of an event unfolding in your mind can not be underestimated. An entire world can come to life right in front of you. Things that are far away can feel like they are right there, if only just for a moment. You can’t have them but you can feel them. Through stories, people’s actions can exist long after they’ve been performed. History can be preserved. A single moment can become its own feeling to go back to. Sometimes you need a bit more though. Sometimes you need a good videogame.

What Remains of Edith Finch is a slow-paced adventure game that takes you to the large Finch family mansion, surrounded by dense forest. Many tragic events have happened here and it has resulted in every Finch family member dying in different ways, and you’re there to investigate what this curse is all about. With no real knowledge of who you even are or what’s waiting in the house, it has a very curious feeling right from the start. All you really know is your character “inherited” this place but hasn’t come here in years. Why would you not visit your gigantic house? It’s this detail that gives a subtle hint of danger and intrigue. How bad could it be? Continue reading “What Remains of Edith Finch – Time Well Spent” →

GRID 2 – This One’s for the Fans

Are you ready to be the best driver in the WORLD? …. No? Well lucky we have created a series of events that will take you to that title, ready or not! There’s a brand new racing series taking off called “World Series Racing” and you’re going to be the first star driver. What an opportunity. You don’t even need to be good, just show up and make the sponsors happy. Heck, you don’t even need a drivers license. Who’s gonna check? You’re already on the grid, good luck!

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Quantum Break – Hero of Broken Time

What is time, but an egg. You can hard-boil your long-term plans or shatter that shell on a hot plate of opportunity. But what happens to time when it shatters? The correct explanation of time travel is that there is none. Quantum Break successful proves how ridiculous it would be, as a concept and a reality. At the same time it accomplishes a thrilling narrative and theorises how it could be possible and what the effects would be in the human world. What happens at the end of time? What happens when time is broken? Is your reality poached or sunny side up?

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Never Stop Sneakin’ – You Have One Job

I’m finally free from the Amadeus facility. I had been locked in a room for 3 months with nothing but a PS Vita, and forced to write about games I had no interest in. An agent from the Department of Sneakin’ was able to free me by taking the keycard off a guard and coming back to bail me out of this room. Apparently they are building a time machine & need my help. I’m not sure how useful I can be as a videogame reviewer, but Major Milestone was adamant I write about solitaire. I was more than happy to.

After submitting a 285 page writeup on the intricacies of solitaire, I stood there while the boss read it all, occasionally nodding his head. It turns out Major Milestone already knew the ins and outs of Solitaire. This was just a test, and the real game I was tasked to review was Never Stop Sneakin’ on Nintendo Switch. This game existed in an alternate reality in one of Amadeus several timelines, & before reviewing I had to sneak back into his facility to grab the game. The Department of Sneakin’ had declared it too dangerous to sneak in again, so they hooked up the Nintendo Switch digitally to give me control of another agent. The logic was sound, as the top-down view I had was a lot more than anyone could see on the ground. Their life was in my hands now.

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