Shhh, don’t tell anyone. I overheard the janitor say there was a secret section of the Bureau. He was singing something about “post-game paid DLC” but who knows what the heck that means, probably just singing to the plants again. I waited for him to leave and found a keycard to the “Investigation Sector” on his table. It was just glowing under a lamp, almost like he wanted me to find it. We all know how Ahti can be, always making a game out of everything. Gotta love him though. Without hesitation I dove headfirst into this new area from the Sector Elevator. This is my report of The Dark Spot from AWE. The following information is classified and can not leave the Federal Bureau of Control under any circumstances. Major spoilers ahead. Consider yourself warned.
some people view racing as an aggressive, reckless, chaotic sport, but the experience of competitive driving is the complete opposite of that. pushing a fast car to its limit requires such precision that you are forced to focus your mind. to do this, you need to shut out everything else that might be distracting, which consequently brings a feeling of calm. you’re finally in control. nobody else can hit that brake pedal, only you.
life has an endlessly confusing amount of avenues vying for your attention, but when you’re in a car you know exactly what you need to do. the only thing that matters is the next braking point, because you might die if you miss it. this intense level of sustained focus instills a level of discipline that can also lead to ultimate zen and peace. art of rally harnesses the zen feeling of racing and allows it to flourish with beauty and creativity. we don’t need upper-case letters where we’re going.
Cold, oppressive, stern, blunt, and quiet. The properties of concrete. If you stare intently enough, it can also be much more than that. Bare concrete is an empty canvas for human expression. There’s nothing better than a blank wall to empty the contents of your mind.
As you walk into the Federal Bureau of Control, the walls notice you. Pulsing and throbbing, you can feel the building breathing. It feels hostile, almost. It’s suddenly much harder to gather your thoughts. A living organism made out of concrete now controls your life.
The long awaited squid game sequel is here! After braving the monochrome Game Boy world of the first Squidlit, we’ve now arrived in the era of Game Boy Color! Now anything is possible with a full palette of wonder and excitement. This game has crammed in so many new things, it certainly earns the “Super” in its title, but does that mean it’s a better game?
Your ship sank, your crew is missing, and you’ve washed up on a mysterious island, completely alone. So many questions flood your mind. Where am I? Where’s the rest of the crew, did they make it? This couldn’t be the mysterious Isle of Seiren, could it? Am I stranded? The existential anxiety fades as you begin to look around in awe. This place is beautiful.
It’s been six years now and I still remember the day he passed away. I was living by myself in a lonely rural town and stumbled on the news in a tweet when I got home. We’d heard that Iwata was sick but the severity of it was not clear until now. It was a massive shock. It felt like I’d lost a family member, except unlike my real parents, Iwata was actually a good person. He had something that I had rarely seen in adults and certainly not leaders. That missing thing was empathy. Empathy for his peers, empathy for his employees, empathy for gamers, and empathy for people who didn’t game. Empathy is one of the most important parts of being human, our species simply wouldn’t survive without it. Yet, it is barely taught or understood.
What would you do if you heard a great calamity was on the way? Nothing, probably. Where’s the evidence, a time traveling mini robot? Pfftt, you just want my data. Nobody would believe it. Thankfully this is a videogame free of narcissism with a cast of heroes, royals, and eccentric warriors who are keen for adventure. Enter the Age of Calamity.
(Zelda is visibly shaken by the watermark that Koei Tecmo decided to put on all of their Switch screenshots. So many scenes ruined. Nevertheless, all screenshots were taken on my Switch in docked mode.)
Good afternoon, Lakitu. It’s good to know that whether the year is 1996 or 2021, he’s still reporting live. Indeed times have changed, but this game really does still inspire a sense of wonder in its own little time capsule. I’ve started a new playthrough for the first time in years (in 3D All-Stars) and the experience has been so valuable I had to write about it. So many things about Super Mario 64 are still great, and its flaws make me thankful for where gaming is now.
The last Nintendo Direct initiated a surprise attack. While Square-Enix is running Octopath Traveler into the ground with a low-budget mobile outsourced exclusive prequel cash-grab, the developers of the original game have moved onto a brand new project in what they call the “2D-HD” series. Project Triangle Strategy has a similar rich pixel art style to Octopath but the genre has shifted to strategy. Even though it’s not releasing until 2022, they dropped a juicy demo to give us a taste of war.
I’m here to play games and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of retro-themed non-linear FPS games. Oh wait, just found one. Hold the bubblegum! I’ve got some GAMING to do.
Project Warlock immediately impresses with a crunchy badass guitar riff, with tons of options on the main menu to make you feel like you’re about to order an explosive meal at the Mayhem Diner. The gameplay feels right at home with other 90s FPS games like Doom or Duke Nukem 3D, but the graphics take some getting used to. Unlike other FPS that imitate this style in actual retro engines (like Ion Fury in Build), this game is made in the more modern engine Unity. It has a cel-shaded outline with more of a Minecraft or Dragon Quest feel. It took me a while to get used to, but it runs well and allows for some impressive lighting effects and colours that really pop like candy. Candy popcorn. Bubblegum you can swallow.
This title stuck out to me while I was browsing the eShop in a daydream state. Daylife in Japan… yeah that’s somewhere I want to be. Oh, it’s a jigsaw puzzle game? I almost lost interest but after watching the trailer I was sold. It had a comfy animated pixel art street vibe and the music was relaxing and thoughtful. Perfect. It’s not often I would buy a game on the aesthetic presentation alone, but for $1.50 why not?
What if you could travel back in time and warn humanity about global warming, pandemics, toxic waste and growing oppressive capitalism? That’s right… nobody would listen and you’d be thrown in a mental ward with bad conditions. But what if you also had platforming skills and magic?! Heck yeah, you could just solve the problem yourself! In Timespinner we’re about to do exactly that.
The year is 2095 and Betamax Tapes are back in fashion. Cyber punks have gone rogue on the streets, somehow overthrowing the police, military, the CIA and all the world’s power structures by strafing left and right and looking intimidating. What else is back in fashion? Old school build-engine FPS games. Ion Fury takes all the nostalgia and design structure that make classic FPS so great, and unchains them with modern console technology. This allows for massive levels, more defined gunplay, accurate hitboxes, and significantly more objects on screen at once. Does all of this make the game more fun, however?
Whoopsee, the word you say when you’ve just bought a one dollar eShop game and the existential guilt washes over you. Oh sorry, I meant to say Whipseey. Everything is fine here. We’re jumping right into the depths of the Nintendo Switch library now. I love platformers so I took the plunge on this when it was on sale for a dollar. Aesthetically it looks like a Kirby clone but the feel is more like a Game Boy Mario game if he had a whip. This game has 5 worlds so I’m going to make this review 5 paragraphs.
GRID is back! But what is this? A remake of the first game? Nope, this is a brand new entry in the series that they didn’t bother to name. Prince of Persia (2008), Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) and Doom (2016) didn’t annoy people enough it seems. You can’t always judge a game by its cover, but the identity crisis runs deep in this one. With less content than previous GRID games, just why should you pick this up? I’m going to solve this problem right now and give you a reason. I am renaming this game to GRID Seasons: Cherry Blossom Burst DX. You’re welcome, Codemasters.