It’s a debate that’s raged for centuries. Wars have been fought over it. Entire civilisations have fallen. Since the dawn of time, squids have fought over whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. That’s right, the age old question. Does pineapple belong on pizza? Ancient drawings from million year old squid civilisations depict a pizza with the pineapple being removed. Some say this proves it’s not an ingredient, others suggest the pineapple is being removed during the act of eating, and therefore part of the pizza. Pro-Pineapple Propaganda suggests it’s not even a true relic, but the work of Squid Satan. The true purpose of the pineapple remains a mystery, and this unanswered question has been responsible for untold bloodshed and inkloss throughout history. Today, it’s finally going to be answered in the most definitive way possible; a Splatfest.
I’ve joined team Anti-Pineapple because I am Pro-Freedom. “Pro-Pineapple” is founded on a lie, that pineapple has no place other than pizza. Pineapple should not be restricted to pizza, but have the right to be placed where ever is most convenient or appropriate. I believe the Squid Elders would have it no other way, and today, I will fight for that belief with a Splattershot in my hand, and pineapple juice in my blood. I am fighting for freedom.