PSN Failure Time Capsule

As many will know, Sony has run into some trouble with their PlayStation 3 again. Recently we’ve seen systems crashing and randomly deleting data, trying to comprehend the date February 30. We’ve also been warned of PS3 controllers that may explode, and witnessed the sinking of one of Sony’s own PR representative’s battleships.

PlayStation: It Only Does Single Player

PlayStation Network has been down for a number of days with no official word on when it’ll be back. Due to the unfortunate existence of “online only” single player games on PS3, many gamers around the world are stuck with games they can’t play. There’s also reports of peoples personal information and credit card details being leaked from Sony’s database. It’s a tough world for PS3 fans, one week you’re enjoying mandatory 24 hour patch installs, the next you’re sitting there alone, forced to finally watch the free Blu-ray of “Planet Earth” you got with your PS3. Before dwelling too much on the negatives, we’ve got to appreciate the humour of the situation. The disaster has been called everything from PlayStation Notwork to The Great Collaps3. Microsoft has taken this opportunity to rub salt in Sony’s wounds by unbanning a mass amount of people from Xbox Live. PSN has even been compared to pop-sensation Rebecca Black, both sharing the joy of getting down on Friday.

PSN is just like a real store. Closed on public holidays.

Jokes aside now, serious hats on. This has hard hitting implications, with two of our own Pietriots not being able to play Portal 2 together, and Rabicle having his Easter ruined. It doesn’t stop there. Here’s a compiled list of quotes from real people, highlighting the real impact.

“The way Sony have handled this has been disgusting. 3 days without any press release, then a press release notifying of an entrusion, then 9 days from the initial incident we recieve the worst case scenario. Sony, don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining.” – Will, from kotaku.com.au

“All Australian banks have just received a message that all customers with playstation accounts should be advised to cancel their credit cards and have new ones re-issued.

This information was given to my by the NAB.” – JayB08, from gamefaqs.com

“I’m pretty sure my credit card information has been compromised in this hack. On Monday 25 April I had a call from RBS quering three Netflix transactions on my card. I have no dealings with Netflix. Well spotted RBS, we suspended the card. This card was registered in the Playstaystation store. In a previous 2008 Playstation Network hack, compromised accounts were also used on Netflix.” – Andrew, from bbc.co.uk

“You know what? Yeah, fuck that hacker, but fuck you too Sony, you incompetent piece of crap company. How the hell do you screw everything up from a random number generator to having a competent web security back-end? Just plain irresponsibility.” – dLMN8R, from neogaf.com

“You waited a WEEK to tell us our persona information was compromised ? That should have been said last Thursday.” – tacotaskforce, from blog.us.playstation.com

“Sony is the biggest failure as a modern company. Just wow at the level of fail.”  – CrushDance from neogaf.com

I’ll stop there before the dramatic music and slow motion footage kicks in. Thankfully, with every disaster, there’s the “peacekeepers”. People in a deluded reality where identity theft isn’t a big deal, the same people who would shrug off an earthquake if not many people died. I don’t know about you guys but identity theft doesn’t happen in my daily life. I can also play games I own, whenever I want. Therefore, it is a fucking big deal. Burning your toast, that’s not a big deal. Getting a paper cut, dropping something, stubbing your toe, not a big deal. These people either have really exciting lives, hacking banks with constant police chases, or they’re just some of the 5000 Sony viral marketers employed on the internet. Here’s some of the very few quotes I could find defending Sony on the issue.

“I honestly don’t care that people identity was stolen, because it was their own damn fault for having personal information on a device such as the PS3.” – merc1231, gamefaqs.com, suggesting we should never use anything ever

“Who the hell cares there are 77 million accounts if only 50 million have been sold, and NOT all of those are online either. I’m sure that 50 million also includes the PS3s bought by universities and the military for linking them up into super computers. So 77 means very little.” – Zapix, from msnbc.msn.com, reassuring us that it’s not a big deal, and reminding us of PS3s amazing technical specs

“As for the “personal/private” information being leaked. It’s nothing “new”. Ever year and day someone’s information is stolen. Does no one here remember the social security hacks? How, about the FBI being hacked? Governments are hacked every year. The fact that “finally” someone hacked the PlayStation Network is actually amazing. I do, not remember you people complaining about the other hacks. Seems hypocritical to me.” – Rorek_IronBlood, from blog.us.playstation.com, the place where FBI agents go when they get hacked

“Really? You blame this on Sony? Most of you are just ignorant. Someone hacked PSN. ANYTHING is hackable. The only thing Sony can do is take very strong security measures.“ zekececil14, from blog.us.playstation.com, too bad Sony didn’t do that

“Whenever you have online play and connectivity associated with a system, you are going to run into problems. You’re a fool if you think Xbox 360 hasn’t had problems, their games are constantly pirated. I’d say 30% of the Xbox360 users use pirated games instead of actually paying for them.” – captaindarin79 from gamefaqs.com, comparing an ocean to a toilet

“This isn’t the worst thing in the world. I mean shit how many times a day do people hand their physical CC off to some waiter in a restaurant who disappears for 5-10 mins. I’ve changed my CC more than a few times and it’s not much hassle.” mikespit1200, from neogaf.com, visits far too many restaurants

Whew, that’s a lot of stupid. Here’s a song to cheer everyone up:

In 5 years when Sony’s relevance has been restricted to internet jokes and old lawsuits, we can use this page to reflect on one of the events that brought them down. Did I say 5 years? Because I meant right now. Don’t worry guys, PSN will be back on February 30!

That about does it. This article is nothing like PSN. It’s online. Stay cool gamers, and keep clean.