New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Welcome to 1985. There’s a new Mario game out, it involves running around and jumping through levels. Has this game changed in 2009? Yes. They’ve added New to the title. It’s new alright, a new way to rip people off.

The game takes a step backwards from the original Mario, Nintendo forgot how to use buttons. I now have to waggle to do things I was doing with buttons 25 years ago. What’s the point of tilting left when I can just press left. I’ve been pressing left all my life, why is Nintendo making things so difficult?

The graphics are 2D, the music is no longer catchy, and Mario is now an ugly plastic doll. If I wanted to jump around with a plastic doll i’d get out my old Barbie. All the changes made to this game have made it worse, and it was nothing special to begin with. They added motion, but you don’t even control it. Shake the controller to do a spin jump. He’ll jump the exact same way no matter how you shake. Wow. What’s the point. Why can’t I just press a button.

The levels are so boring, all you do is run to the finish and not die. I can do that in any game. Why does Mario have to run anyway? Not all of us can run, I think this game is a bit discriminatory in favour of “fit” people. Not everyone is an athlete who thinks running is normal. Another example of Nintendo selling out to the casual fitness crowd.

The game has multiplayer, but it’s not even good. All you do is play the same thing at once. It’s just 4 times the suck. It doesn’t even have online. Nintendo expects us to visit other people with the game to play multiplayer. Yet another Wii game that requires exercise. Might as well just play single player, or better yet, play Splosion Man. It’s got way more levels than Mario, it’s not a money grabbing rehash, and its cheaper. You can’t even purchase Mario online as download content, so you’ll either have to go to the store to buy it (more exercise) or wait days for an online order delivery. Splosion Man is instant fun from your couch.

The best part of Mario is the option to NOT play by going into a bubble. There’s also the option to just watch people play, but they are way too good. If I was interested in skill I’d watch the Olympics. Do they think if we beat the levels faster the pain will be easier to take?

In summary, Nintendo took an old game out of the bin and splashed ugliness all over it. If that’s your thing, then you’ll love New SMB Wii. If you’re a real gamer like me, then buy Splosion Man.

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