Mortal Kombat

After decades of a romantic courtship, the relationship between shock fighter Mortal Kombat and the censorship prone Australian Classification board ended in a messy breakup earlier this year, resulting in the refusal to classify the game, effectively banning it. While rumours were abound that customs would seize any copies imported from overseas, my housemate James courageously decided that he was going to import the game. While I suspect he had little to no interest in the game before it was banned he is the kind of person who thought that Mortal Kombat Annhilation was a good movie. Anyway I’ve taken to recording James’ comments while he plays the game because I think he has a lot of good stuff to share.

Yeah he (Lui Kang) dies in the second one doesn’t he? yeah Shao Ling kills him, no… the whacha-ma-call it.

God he shits me he sounds like a monkey.

I’m glad I’m not an Asian but apparently like my great great granddad might’ve been chinese but I have a big dick so I dunno.

Why do they keep calling Scorpio ‘Scorpion’? His name is Scorpio. They keep getting it wrong.

This’ll be the last one before I fight the big guy I reckon.

I love fighting women but Kitana was coming at me with razor blades and lemons.
– James

You know what, fuck this. This isn’t constructive. Hey James! Get over here! Type out a review for Mortal Kombat would ya?

i really like the xray moves i think they told the guy who made them to go all out and i would’ve paid him SO MUCH to do his job i think he did them great. whenever i play i keep getting like points or something. i think it says they’re for unlocking concept art or whatever i reckon you should get special powers of something from it. like you could charge up like in dragon ball or something. i reckon one hell wrong part of the game is that sometimes you have to fight two guys like scorpio might team up with sorcerer, speaking of scorpio i dunno why they made him such a bad character cos i used to think he was so cool but now i think he’s gay cos none of his moves are any good. apart from scorpio and versing two of them at the same time i reckon it’s the best game ever it’s one of those games you could spend 5 hours a day on. anyway you gotta check out those tits on sheeva they’re great.

Ok. I think he’s still checking out Sheeva or whatever. I hope you all gained a good insight to the game and I’d like to thank James for sharing his thoughts exclusively on Pietriots. Maybe I’ll get him to write more in the future.

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