Every few weeks the Inklings gather for a festival like no other. Splatfest pits two teams against each other, providing contrasting topics to debate over and throw ink at. Smack talk is laid down, drawings flood the Miiverse, and splats come loaded with purpose. This week it’s Dogs vs Cats, and I’ve just put on my Splatfest Tee to represent Team Dog. First, let’s take a walk around Inkopolis and absorb the atmosphere!
Those girls are totally checking me out. They know SuperChris has arrived, soon to be known as the Dog KING. That other squid kid just looks on in envy, but I don’t even care about any of them. I’m taking in Team Dog’s beautiful artwork to prime myself for battle. We’ve got pictures of juicy bones, dogs with fluffy ears and wet lovable noses, and encouragement everywhere. What does Team Cat have? Some silhouettes of cat ears, wow that must’ve been hard to draw. Team Dog have already taken the lead in the support factions battle. Now let’s see what people are saying.
My man Ash knows what Splatfest is all about. Encouragement. Support. Thick and raw text that can be seen from all sides of Inkopolis to perk our doggy ears up. He’s even underlined it to show how serious we are. Our fate is not hovering in the air, it’s supported by a line of purpose. Also note the S in DOGS is thicker than the rest, because we are a pack. We support each other with unwavering loyalty. What are the cats saying?
We got a feisty feline over here. Thanks for the diagram Ishida. It’s going to be a lot easier to kick your butt now that you’ve drawn me a target. Nobody likes the smell of cat butt, that’s why you don’t sniff each other. Cats have no idea what they’re missing, there’s a whole new world of flavour up every dogs butt.
My bro 2Tea putting the effort in here. I’ll be Woofing the Turf with you mate, that’s how we do it. This is who we are, aggressive, loyal, and supportive. We go the extra mile because we can. This beautiful drawing re-enforces all of that. That dog is not messing around, he’s staring straight at VICTORY. 2Tea’s got his crash helmet on because he knows Cats are gonna hate his style. It’s the only thing they’re good at, but he’s ready for it. You can’t penetrate our headgear or resolve.
Here we have Campbell on Team Neutral, god bless him. He’s just happy to be here, loves dogs and cats equally, and hopes everyone will take care of each other. Quite honestly, I don’t think he gets the concept of Splatfest, but he’s here anyway to remind everyone what’s important. You could say he’s the real winner of Splatfest. A Level 4 Splat Roller user means this is probably his first Splatfest. He’s ready to jump into the deep end with enthusiasm and love, and I hope Splatfest is kind to his innocent soul. Whether this changes him or not, time will tell. Stay fresh Campbell, stay fresh.
Alright, I’d seen enough now. It’s time for SPLATFEST BATTLE! I was a Dog Fanboy, determined to make my way up the ranks to Dog Fiend, Dog Defender, Dog Champion, and finally claim my title as Dog King. First map was Saltspray Rig, and wow it looks pretty at night. The smell of salt combined with dog poop to create an overwhelming sensation of delight in my doggy nose. The salt served as a seasoning that added texture to all our butts. It was fantastic. My team-mates were Brendy, Marcus and Aida. They were already Champion Dogs, so I was eager to prove my skills coming from the bottom. Team Cat were similarly leveled so my strategy was to rush to the top square of Saltspray Rig. This is where most of the turf is, and if you can successfully defend it the whole match, you’re probably going to win. Some people go for the bottom rectangle or the side paths first, but those can easily be claimed with 20 seconds remaining.
Charging forward like a hungry dog pack, we made it to the entrance of the top square. BAM, SPLAT!! One cat was already dead. An Inkbrush user tried to skate in quickly and beat everyone there. Typical cowardly cat, trying to avoid a battle. With the fast feline dispatched, we soon claimed the top with nobody else around. The cats kept trying to get in, but we splatted them easily. After a few splats I had my Inkzooka charged and fired it on the upper ledges. To my surprise, a cat exploded and I got a free kill because they were just hiding on a ledge for no reason. The cowardly behavior of Team Cat was becoming apparent, and everyone on my team could smell their fear. We died a few times but kept Super Jumping back to the top square. There was always one loyal member of Team Dog to Super Jump to, and we protected each other’s spawn points with our own lives. After many Cat Splats and a successful defense of the big area of the rig, we descended down in the final seconds to claim the paths and make a big mess. In the end it was an easy victory for Team Dog. The smell of dog poop consumed the entire rig, as kitty litter was laid down in their base and taken away by the crane.
We were on fire, hadn’t lost a single match, and my vibe metre was off the charts. Unfortunately this led to a disconnection in the lobby as it probably overheated with freshness. All I could do was rejoin and find a new team. My next team was significantly lower leveled, hovering around an average of level 18. As a level 50 Dog Defender, I knew I had to assume leadership and encourage them. Our Team Cat adversaries were all level 40-50 and it looked like it was going to be an uphill battle. I said “Nice!” at the start to encourage everyone, and nobody replied. I think they were nervous so I had to adopt an aggressive strategy. We were in the Warehouse, and normally I’d paint the sides a bit because it’s so small, but this time I just charged forward. I was hoping to give them all a little breathing room to maybe cover some turf and gain some confidence. The Turf War bounced back and forth from Dog to Cat, until eventually… we lost. It was tragic. The downbeat music flooded my heart and I couldn’t breathe for a second. I had let my puppies down. They didn’t believe in me, but luckily I still believed in them.
I stuck with this team, and that was the ONLY match we lost. I didn’t say anything at the start of the next match, I wanted it to seem different. It was definitely different as we claimed the majority of turf right from the start. We emerged triumphant in the next battle and morale shot through the roof. In our 3rd match EVERYONE said “Nice!” at the start, as if they had just found the button. My little puppies were growing up in front of my eyes and I was so proud of Team Dog in this moment. There was no stopping us now as we claimed victory after victory, against team after team.
This is an IMPORTANT thing I want to highlight about Splatfest, sticking with your team. Nobody can let you down, because we’re all in it together. Your team exists as one number. If you’re not there fighting for the little guys, it’s still going to be a loss counted towards the side. “Good players” often complain about their under-leveled teammates and leave, searching for a great place where they can win easily. That’s CAT behavior, and a great way to LOSE Splatfest. If every superstar player is on one team, that’s 4 other teams out there struggling. Chances are a team of level 50 players can handle themselves. Luckily dogs can see the bigger picture. Helping the little pups get stronger is ultimately how to tip the scales in the grand scheme of things, because you might be turning losses into wins, instead of riding teams that were going to win regardless.
These faint little patches of ink came to be known as Cat Corners. When things get heated this is all cats can do, retreat to their base. Scared to fight, scared to move, but at least they have their little place to be comfortable losers. I hope all the stray cats find good homes.
Match after match went by, and I found a lot of great people on Team Dog. As we await the results, I want to give a shout out to my dog companions. Brendy, Marcus, Aida, William, Jalen, miggzzz, Neil, Claudia, Devereux89, beastly505, Jim, Duckx, Chaindog, Aileen, Cushion, CPUlv1. You’re all stars who had my back, so I wrote your names down for the Splatfest history books. It’s been a messy day but a very productive one for Team Dog. With encouragement, teamwork, and general willingness, we won almost every single match we played. However, it’s a big world and nobody knows what’s happening everywhere else. Cats and Dogs are out there right now, fighting for glory. A cloud of uncertainty hangs over Inkopolis as we await the results, but I stand here proud and happy. I will go to sleep tonight knowing I did everything I possibly could for Team Dog.
I am the Dog King.