We interrupt your irregularly scheduled Pietriotic update to bring you important news about Diablo III’s servers!

Normally I wouldn’t openly divulge any details regarding our tumble log’s (or whatever The Kids call the content under this domain name) traffic but something was up.

All the other sites beat me to the punch, too. Diablo III‘s servers have been overloaded since day one and no one can play. They’ve used up all the good jokes like how this should’ve been error 1, not 37. They’ve said the one about how we’re online, Blizzard are the ones offline, they’re breaking their own DRM. I understand that there is a queue now. Like you take a ticket and get in line to play Diablo. Are there scalpers too? Are people selling their place in line to play to the highest bidder? Maybe Blizzard should include that in game, just like the auction house. Oh shit, even that joke has been done already.

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The Hype War

Hours ago, war broke out across the North American continent – no platform was spared as Electronic Arts invaded, attempting to seize all Activision strongholds on the continent. As we speak, more EA forces are mobilising off the east coast of Australia and there are reports of the EA navy circling Europe from the North Sea to the Black Sea, preparing for an invasion before the week is out. This is of course the Great Gaming War of 2011 and just as the poster above depicts, your kids will ask you about what role you played in this pivotal moment in history.