Dhoulmagus – Pity Piece

dhoulmagusImagine being a slave to convention and never living up to your full potential. That is the worthless fate of the majority of mankind. Not Dhoulmagus, though. This man is the most powerful jester in the world, stunning towns with high-level magic and traveling the world doing whatever he pleases. This isn’t an article for taking pity on Dhoulmagus, it’s about how amazing he is and how pitiful everyone else is. His expressive personality and quick wit make him the most brilliant villain the Dragon Quest series has ever seen.

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The Switch is Steep Priced For Amazing Tech, Folks

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It also says something when I couldn’t even find a solid price on a Gamestop site for the PS VR Headset. On Amazon’s American site, new ones go for over $500 American.

I just don’t know anymore.

(Images captured from CBC News website and EB Games Canada.)

Matto’s Favorite Switch Presentation Moments

Right, so. Nintendo had it’s big Switch reveal, and most of the Pietriots, myself included, were there to watch it. So while everyone is busy trying to downplay the positive reception to the reveal (ie selfish YouTubers, Game Jounalists, and those scared of motion controls still), I decided to list some of my favorite moments from the reveal. Let’s get going, shall we?
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Those gaming thoughts and feels: Quadrilateral Cowboy

A meandering guest review.

Sometimes I half-jokingly tell my friends I think gaming is a degenerate medium. Obviously I cannot claim to truly believe this as I spend so much of my time playing games. But really I think the lived experience of most games is that, played in excess, they are an affront to the human spirit and mind. That is because many games require you to repeat a certain enjoyable task over and over, training you to be dumber and less expectant of creativity and originality in the fictional world.

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Matto’s Mario Madness [Part 1 – Super Mario Bros.]

It’s time for another Durpthrough, but this time it is something I wanted to do for a long time. I like Mario games, enough to do in-depth reviews of them years ago, so I thought to myself “hey, why don’t you do video playthroughs of them?”

Granted, it isn’t the most original idea on the planet, almost everyone has done a video playthrough of every damn mainline Mario title. My idea isn’t original, but hey, at least I am not e-begging for Nintendo advertising money. So, without further ado, here is the Super Mario All-Stars version of Super Mario Bros., the Mario game that started it all and celebrated it’s 30th anniversary last year. Continue reading “Matto’s Mario Madness [Part 1 – Super Mario Bros.]”

The three (and a half) reactions to No Man’s Sky

Which one are you?

No Man’s Sky is engulfing the gaming zeitgeist at the moment with every message board and news website drenched in discussion of the procedurally generated space exploration game. In this desperate attempt to get Pietriots badly needed clicks by posting about something topical, I’ll oversimplify the issue by distilling it down to what are essentially the only three responses the game has evoked. In fairness, the reaction to any game can be distilled down to the same three but the absurd about of hype around No Man’s Sky has amplified the effect. It is impossible to have a neutral opinion on this game, so, which category do you fall in?
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Facebook advertising offers insights into the Zelda audience

Charles, here.

I had a windfall from my stocks in tobacco early this year and with a spare £15 I thought ‘why not invest in some Facebook advertising for that little gaming blog I own?’ Of course, I had to be diligent to not waste my spend. A cursuary glance at Pietriots reveals most of the content to be nostalgic yearning for children’s games of yonder and no amount of advertising could possibly generate any interest from stakeholders in reading these articles. Months passed, when young Bill Aurion wrote a topical and timely piece about The Legend of Zelda on the eve of the Electronic Entertainment Expo, this would be a perfect opportunity to promote content people may wish to read.

I now present the analytics of the Facebook advertising, with my insightful commentary revealing the truth about the audience of The Legend of Zelda. Continue reading “Facebook advertising offers insights into the Zelda audience”

This is the new world of Zelda…

It’s been two years since we got our first look at Zelda U, and now there’s less than two days until the hood is finally pulled off the secretive title.

We sadly will not see the game released in time for its 30th anniversary, with it being delayed to next year (likely to NX launch in March), but that does little to dampen the anticipation Zelda fans have for the title’s re-unveiling. Well, by fans I mean actual fans, not the ones that think Zelda should be more like Dark Souls, that Wind Waker’s art style is too kiddy, that the series requires voice-acting to be playable, or the numerous others with similarly unpleasant opinions.

So if you’re up for some speculation, let’s dive right in.

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It’s Bad when Nintendo of America uses memes.

Oh no.

Obviously, Nintendo of America is being over-wrought by SJW leftist hippies as they love, love, and love the use of these obnoxious memes.

Clearly the best people to side with in denouncing Nintendo of America’s over-use of memes is… the Sonic the Hedgehog Twitter feed! Which also uses cringe-worthy memes based around it’s embarrassing status as a series. We should also side with Capcom because they clearly know how to localize their own game without the use of dank memes! I mean, it’s not like gamers made memes against Nintendo’s will, especially in regards to Star Fox in general. Oh hey, they also made some based on Splato– oh fuck burn it with fire.

Memes are triggering to these special snowflakes. Who also use meme images in their tweets angrily yelling at them.

Glass Houses

Recently Capcom held a GDC panel discussing Monster Hunter that included the following slide:

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This led to the usual jeering at other localization efforts, namely Nintendo of America’s Treehouse and Fire Emblem, and the cheering of Capcom and 8-4’s 100% accurate and meme-free work on Monster Hunter. The only thing that would make this incredibly awkward is if somebody found a list of all the weird memes and pointless references 8-4 made in their translations, exposing the people citing this GDC panel as mindless, unlearned morons so stupid they can’t Google.

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