Alan Wake – Impressions (From Chat)

Here’s the first hour of the game as I play it for the first time and chat to Bill, who’s played it before. This picture sums up my initial impressions.

Chris: installing Alan Wake
Bill: EWWWWWWWW
Chris:

Bill: out of the toilet into the pile of shit on the ground next to it
Chris: what the fuck dont tell me he’s gonna be narrating the whole game
Bill: LOLOLOL
Bill: the game is basically a (terribly written) novel
Chris: HAHAHA the sprint animation
Chris: the guy fucking falls over
Bill: lolololol
Chris: what the fuck.. he KNOWS there’s something important waiting at the lighthouse?
Bill: well…you’ll understand as the game goes on i guess
Chris: i just jumped off the cliff
Chris: and now its showing the whole intro movie again
Bill: LOL
Bill: don’t do that
Chris: shit fell off the bridge
Bill: LOL TIME TO REWATCH
Chris: why do the graphics look all blocky? feels like my settings are wrong or something
Bill: uhhhh, cause it’s a crap game
Chris: holy shit i have a fan
Chris: i wish i could play as THIS guy trolling the writer
Bill: hahahahhaa
Chris: the guy on the “missing” sign, is that supposed to be me?
Chris: i’ve only seen this guy for like 4 seconds, how is that supposed to have an impact
Chris: time for some tricky camerawork
Bill: loooooooool
Chris: ok yeah it’s me
Chris: it’s cool how you can kinda wander off into the darkness behind trees and rocks and stuff
Chris: fuck i died again
Bill: LOL GEEZ
Bill: how can you be dying so much before you fight a single enemy
Chris: exploring the limits
Chris: i’m glad the game told me you have to move to dodge things
Chris: otherwise i never would have known
Bill: LOL
Chris: a dream are you fucking kidding me
Bill: LOLOLOL
Chris: well it’s a bit more interesting now
Bill: not really
Chris: what the heck, i can turn the radio on but not off
Bill: looooool
Chris: alice has a surprise for me upstairs
Chris: i hope it’s Skyward Sword
Bill: haha if only
Chris: a fucking typewriter
Bill: AW
Chris: HAHA ALAN IS PISSED
Chris: LOL has a tantrum and runs out of the house
Bill: hahahaha that part
Chris: what the fuck was that ANOTHER dream?
Chris: where’d this car come from
Chris: fuck this i’m done for tonight
Bill: hahahahaha
Bill: done forever
Chris: fuck i can’t save
Chris: oh well i’ll just turn it off and hope it saved
Bill: nup
Chris: i should post this chatlog as impressions for the game
Chris: can’t be arsed writing anything substantial. like Alan Wake
Bill: LOL, yeah, the dialogue is absolute garbage
Bill: 2nd grade reading level shit

To be continued? Maybe, maybe not.