I was into the Humble Bundle before it was cool

These disgusting, overgrown animal rapists only deserve our scorn, contempt and to be publicly shamed as what they are; a bunch of filthy, degenerate, socially inept beastillity practitioners. They are even worse than redditors.

As a leading trendsetter and self proclaimed hipster, I support independent artists in all fields before they sellout and become mainstream. The indie Humble Bundle is no different. Of course, a true connoisseur of gaming like myself bought the very first bundle which included the sublime World of Goo. I already owned World of Goo but it deserved more of my money. Now Humble Bundle V is out with a star studded lineup including Amnesia: The Dark Descent, the bigger budget version of Penumbra: Overture from the original bundle. In just ten hours they’ve already surpassed the money raised in the original bundle. This increasing popularity has a dark edge though, and I eluded to it the last time I promoted a Humble Bundle on this site.

Finally all the usual faggots are using it as an opportunity to promote their twitter accounts by donating obscene amounts. Must be nice to be Notch. Pietriots cannot afford such extravagance.
– Me, telling it like it is.

This year the self promotion has been hijacked by the vilest of all nerd: bronies. Bronies, a bastardised conjunction of ‘brother’ and ‘pony,’ are what the male, overweight and overage fans of the My Little Pony cartoon call themselves. Now, way back in the 00’s My Little Pony is something that emos might’ve watched, ironically. A show about magical pink ponies making friends aimed at five year old girls. Wouldn’t watching that be the last thing you expect? However the glorious 00’s are over and now we’ve entered the post ironic economy of the tween years. Bronies aren’t watching My Little Pony; ironically, they’re not watching it as a joke – they are watching it on purpose. This isn’t like Adventure Time, something awesome you watch stoned with your girlfriend, staying in on a Friday night. My Little Pony is insidiously weakening it’s audience by exposing them to ideas like peace, love, friendship and other ideals utterly incompatible with the cruel reality of modern society.

I don’t… get the point of them ‘banding together’ and their combined donation was still pretty low considering.
– Infernal Monkey, unimpressed with Humble Bronies.

While more sweet and naive Pietriots like my friend Infernal Monkey might wonder, I know the evil behind their actions. They’re doing it for attention. Why would someone draw attention to their embarrassing television habits? Because they’re straight up arseholes who want to feel special and unique. They want us to gawk because attention and misunderstanding is the only time they feel their miserable life of underachievement has any meaning. I know I’m playing straight into their hands by writing this piece but fuck it, they’re worthless maggots who are turning the Humble Bundle into their own little circle jerk. That’s not very humble at all! This self promotion is the opposite of humble! These disgusting, overgrown animal rapists only deserve our scorn, contempt, and to be publicly shamed as what they are; a bunch of filthy, degenerate, socially inept beastiality practitioners. They are even worse than redditors.

Typical merchandise for bronies.

It gets worse – bronies are scamming the system. See, the Humble Bundle works by giving away a bonus game to anyone who pays above the average price. At the moment the average price is just $7.50 or thereabouts. That’s not much to you and me, but to your average brony, eternally unemployed, welfare cheques merely covering their fructose drink addiction, $7.50 is a lot of money, at least 4 bottles of Mountain Dew. So they all have to pool their loose change together and donate it in one go, to get over the average and acquire a copy of Bastian. The one copy of these DRM free games they purchase is then put on the brony web server, alongside child porn and pirated episodes of their rainbow unicorn cartoon. From here it’s distributed to all the other bronies. I don’t know how vast they are in number exactly, but I think it’s fair to assume that the $3000 they raised can be divided equally amoung the ~2,100 followers on their twitter account. I know they have more followers but I’ve deducted the innocent spambots and follow-backers among the bronies, brony enablers, and brony sympathisers. So that brings in an average donation of $1.43. As is said before, pocket change.

Because of bronies, the terrorists have already won.

Author: Roland

Opinions expressed by this author do not represent this author. Please understand.

10 thoughts on “I was into the Humble Bundle before it was cool”

  1. Really interesting article you have here RABicle. I looked around for when exactly the Humble Bundle started and it was around December 2010 I believe. The actual show of MLP:FIM started on 10/10/2010. So the fanbase wasn’t established as it was as it now or even after the first season. It probably started taking shape in January of 2011. Anyway it doesn’t look like you did much research into things on Bronies or the actual Humble Brony Bundle. I expected more from you.

    As an aside there is a ton of gamers that are Bronys and we are very giving with our money to many charities. We have given 100,000 to charities in the time we have existed. Might want to look into that. I mean it should matter if we are late to something it should just matter that we are doing something as well.

    Like

    1. Bronies only started to use Humble Bundle to promote themselves last bundle. Anyway this piece is tongue in cheek, with me acting even more pretentious as usual. I really just wanted an excuse to post that horrifying picture.

      Like

      1. I figured it was tongue in cheek since you wrote it. I was going to come at this in another direction then I did but these type of posts are common with people who don’t do their research and just google and take the first pages to put together something.I was going to come back with tongue and cheek as well.

        Anyway I don’t agree with that Bronies used the Bundle to promote themselves. It is just that they like to do charities and help with that type of thing. I actually think that the Humble Brony Bundle was put together by the guys at the humble Bundle or more as a joint effort.

        Anyway I have to get ready for Nintendo Direct. Maybe we can continue this later.:)

        Like

  2. The lyra plushie is actually pretty useful, you can use it as a pocket to keep change in, as an mp3 case, or a hand puppet. I got 2 so I could use them as slippers. You shouldn’t knock em till you try them!

    Sincerely, a fellow brony

    Like

    1. Well now the Humble Brony Bundle is up to 13,167.84 and it beat Notch again. Also on that documentary the initial start up was 60,000 and I think that was done in 3 days it was put up on EQD.It was only till the documentorys producers and staff wanted to do a more comprehensive look at the fanbase that the kickstarter goal went up to reach for.Most of us thought 60,000 wasn’t possible since we haven’t done that before this. There are Bronys around the world and they wanted to go meet them person to person. and document and put it into the documentory. So that is pretty much why it has gotten up the the cost it has.

      Also that documentory is from a outsiders perspective. John De Lancie who voices Q on Star Trek:TNG and one of the Voice actors on the show didn’t really know about the Bronies till much later and really only this year has he really gotten into the fanbase.

      Here watch this video interview with John De Lancie about the documentory and why he is doing it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGRdp9CcW0U&feature=plcp

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s