Xbox Reveal! Last Minute Bets

Today’s the day, Microsoft is about to reveal a BIG SECRET to the world; they’re releasing a new game console! SSSHHH! What could it be? With pre-launch hype potentially being more entertaining than the actual event, we put in a few quick guesses.

Grubdog: It’ll have a shooter and a racer, and a shooter / racer hybrid. EA will reveal a big exclusive. Microsoft will make a big deal about Forza looking better than Gran Turismo 6 because it’s on PS3. Alan Wake 2 will be shown in the form of a logo on the screen for 5 seconds.

Infernal Monkey: Microsoft will start the event with footage of Rare’s previous games like Banjo Kazooie, Conker and Battletoads. It’ll end with Killer Instinct, and a question mark. The team at Rare is then invited on stage with a round of applause. But that’s it. They just awkwardly stand there for the entire presentation. Not a single new Rare game is announced.

Microsoft’s big new shooter for the new Xbox will be Mad Dog McCree 3: Smelly Crotch Factory. The system will require a monthly subscription, upon which a set of keys is mailed to you to gain access to the machine’s power button. Should you unsubscribe, the keys instantly self-destruct.

All pre-owned games automatically default to Minesweeper.

Matto: Well my prediction is–(our apologies, Matto was cut short by a RRoD. We sadly won’t be seeing a prediction from him at this time)

RABicle: I don’t really know what to expect tomorrow outside of everything we already know about the Xbox although I am hoping Steve Ballmer has a heart attack on stage. If anyone has the ability to kick out of a heart attack, it’s Ballmer. I’m now going to defer to the expert bookmakers, so I’d like to introduce our new sponsor, Tom Waterhouse.

Hi Pietriots! With 6 bets of generations in my Waterhouse, I’ll appear in anything. So here’s the odds we’re offering at TomWaterhouse.com for celebrity appearances. Double your payout if you guess which song they’ll lip-sync.

Pharrell Williams $1.80
Adam Levine $2.20
Sia $3.00
Usher $3.40
(Andrew Johns, if you’re reading, it’s off)
Taylor Swift $4.00
Jay-Z $4.00
Florence Welch $4.30
Justin Bieber $5.50
Kimbra $7.00
Susan Boyle $9.90
Tom Waterhouse $11
At least 2 kids from One Direction $11
Ringo Starr $11
John Cena $22
Mick Jagger $61
Madonna $61
Lewis Hamilton $61
Franki Valli $91
Freddie Mercury $151
Amy Whinehouse $151
All other celebs $91

LAUNCH TITLE ODDS

Forza 5 $1.50
Halo 5 $2.00
Destiny $2.00
New Shooter $3.00
New Shooter Day 1 Patch $3.50
Forza DLC $3.50
Just Dance 5 $5.00
Kinect Sports $5.00
Alan Wake 2 $8.00
Project Gotham Racing 5 $11
New Racer $11
Mad Dog McCree 3: Smelly Crotch Factory $11
Nike Fitness $11
Dead Or Alive 6 $11
Forza Gamestop Pre-Order DLC $15
Forza Target Pre-Order DLC $15
Kinectimals 2 $21
Sesame Street Fighter $21
Mass Effect Trilogy SmartGlass Edition $21
Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor’s Edge $21
Blinx Bash Party $51
Final Fantasy XIV demo $51

NAME ODDS

Xbox 720 $1.75
Xbox Infinite $1.75
Xbox $1.90
Xbox Durango $5.00
Xbox 8 $5.00
Xbox Revolution $8.00
neXtBox $11
Xbox Always Online $11
Nintendo Xbox $281

And remember, bet responsibly.