Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands – The Power of Imagination

I must be the only adventurer in the land who doesn’t know anything about Bunkers & Badasses. I’ve heard of it, but never really thought much about it. I suppose I just never had the friends or opportunities to pursue silly things like that. Pop culture didn’t interest me much anyway. Everyone talks about B&B like it’s a normal part of their vocabulary, while I stare blankly. Yeah, having friends and social experiences must be cool. Can’t relate. I’ve been a solo adventurer my whole life, just surviving in my own world. You get used to it.

I was asked to play a game for the first time in my life when my local group were short on players. Rather than be dismissive, I thought it was a good time to break out of my comfort zone and find out what it’s all about. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

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Control DLC – Shock and AWE (Classified)

Shhh, don’t tell anyone. I overheard the janitor say there was a secret section of the Bureau. He was singing something about “post-game paid DLC” but who knows what the heck that means, probably just singing to the plants again. I waited for him to leave and found a keycard to the “Investigation Sector” on his table. It was just glowing under a lamp, almost like he wanted me to find it. We all know how Ahti can be, always making a game out of everything. Gotta love him though. Without hesitation I dove headfirst into this new area from the Sector Elevator. This is my report of ~~The Dark Spot~~ from ~~AWE~~. The following information is classified and can not leave the Federal Bureau of Control under any circumstances. ~~Major spoilers ahead.~~ Consider yourself warned.

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art of rally – lowercase in fifth gear

some people view racing as an aggressive, reckless, chaotic sport, but the experience of competitive driving is the complete opposite of that. pushing a fast car to its limit requires such precision that you are forced to focus your mind. to do this, you need to shut out everything else that might be distracting, which consequently brings a feeling of calm. you’re finally in control. nobody else can hit that brake pedal, only you.

life has an endlessly confusing amount of avenues vying for your attention, but when you’re in a car you know exactly what you need to do. the only thing that matters is the next braking point, because you might die if you miss it. this intense level of sustained focus instills a level of discipline that can also lead to ultimate zen and peace. art of rally harnesses the zen feeling of racing and allows it to flourish with beauty and creativity. we don’t need upper-case letters where we’re going.

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Control – Supernatural Lockdown

Cold, oppressive, stern, blunt, and quiet. The properties of concrete. If you stare intently enough, it can also be much more than that. Bare concrete is an empty canvas for human expression. There’s nothing better than a blank wall to empty the contents of your mind.

As you walk into the Federal Bureau of Control, the walls notice you. Pulsing and throbbing, you can feel the building breathing. It feels hostile, almost. It’s suddenly much harder to gather your thoughts. A living organism made out of concrete now controls your life.

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The day the corners disappeared – F1 2020

It was a rainy day at Jerez, Spain. As a rookie I had thrown myself into the deep end of online racing, joining any lobby I could find. I’d already been involved in some big battles but this was the smallest grid yet, just the three of us. No matter what happened, I would be on the podium at least. That wasn’t the goal however, as I only had the top step on my mind. I had come 2nd a few times now and was hungry for that first win. Little did I know, this would not be an ordinary race.

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GRID 2019 – Cherry Blossom Burst DX

GRID is back! But what is this? A remake of the first game? Nope, this is a brand new entry in the series that they didn’t bother to name. Prince of Persia (2008), Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) and Doom (2016) didn’t annoy people enough it seems. You can’t always judge a game by its cover, but the identity crisis runs deep in this one. With less content than previous GRID games, just why should you pick this up? I’m going to solve this problem right now and give you a reason. I am renaming this game to GRID Seasons: Cherry Blossom Burst DX. You’re welcome, Codemasters.

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Japan embraces new consoles, Switch struggling

The latest sales have been released from Japan and PS5 and Xbox Series X continue to duke it out for the top console, while Nintendo Switch remains the top selling handheld.

Famitsu Weekly Sales 30-Nov to 6-Dec

Nintendo Switch – 204,000
Playstation 5 – 12,000
Xbox Series X – 2,000

While overall numbers might not look great for these new consoles, they are building steady momentum. Both systems only dropped 300% week on week, rather than the 600% drop from the previous week. This steady flatline growth should have the Nintendo Switch worried, as it sees a relatively mild increase of 46%. Ignoring all comparisons, 2000 people is also quite a big number for Xbox Series X. You couldn’t fit that many people in a room.

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Journey to the Savage Planet – New Lease on Life

Good morning. What year is it?

I fell asleep on Earth and now I’ve woken up after an unknown number of years, alert and refreshed. Kindred Technologies are just the best, aren’t they? They call themselves the “4th best” space exploration company, but they really speak to me as a normal human being. I didn’t have much to live for so I signed up for their “experiment”. The year was 2034 and I got myself into 5 million dollars of debt from working too much and… wait, is that how working is supposed to work? I’ve never had the time or energy to think about it. Anyway, I’ve been given an opportunity to redeem myself by being launched towards a random planet in an experiment to find a habitable environment for humans. I was feeling lucky and sure enough, managed to land somewhere in one piece. Let’s see what this place is all about.

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ReCore – Metroid Composite

What happens when you get the director of Mega Man and three people from the Metroid Prime team, then rush out a game with their names as the selling point? Something pretty forgettable, evidently. ReCore came out in 2016 with so many bugs they had to make a “Definitive Edition” on the same console a year later. Since then the game has been sitting in discount bins and Game Pass, tempting me with mild intrigue. I’ve been in a Metroid mood lately so I decided to see what this game was all about.

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Xbox and Motion Controls, Will Series X Leave Us Aimless?

If you’ve played any shooter on a Nintendo system in the last decade, it probably had gyro or pointer motion controls. Metroid Prime Trilogy, Splatoon, Zelda, and now Fortnite, Zombie Army Trilogy, Doom, Duke Nukem, Borderlands, and many other third party games are adopting it after the huge success of Splatoon 2, and general ease of use.

Even Sony have adopted this for 2 generations now, though you’d be forgiven for not noticing it. Much like their handheld legacy (just kidding), these features weren’t really used that much nor embraced. But the fact is, the Dual Shock has motion control and it’s used in a lot of big games like Gran Turismo Sport to steer. It’s not used nearly enough and it’s technically very primitive, but the option is there.

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Lonely Mountains: Downhill – Open Air Time Trials

What a great day. There’s nothing like being out in nature, completely free. You don’t have anywhere to be, and you’re riding your bike happily along. You start riding a bit faster, not because you need to be anywhere, but because the mountain is daring you. You scoot around the corner to get a better view, then get faster and faster downhill. WOOOOO!! YEAH! Suddenly it’s getting twisty… better slow down. Nah, you can handle this!

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Moxxi’s Heist of the Handsome Jackpot – Blow Up The Pokies

If you think being in lockdown for a few months is bad, try 7 years. Now imagine you are locked in a casino. Someone has come to bail you out, but it’s too late. You’ve become a bitter, twisted, addicted, Borderlands enemy.

It’s not all bad. Meet “All-in” Alan, he’s having the time of his life. “7 years? I didn’t even notice! My big win is just around the corner!”. As long as he has his optimism, he’s winning on the inside.

Moxxi’s Heist of the Handsome Jackpot is the first paid DLC released for Borderlands 3, and just like a real casino, there’s a lot going on behind the scenes. You’re also not going to get your money back. It was hard to understand the angle of this before playing it, but it starts to make sense when you get there. This casino is so big, it exists as its own planetary structure floating in space by itself. The owner is missing in action and security protocols have come into effect, locking people inside for the last 7 years with no way out. Many events have unfolded in those years so you’re not just “going to a casino” in this campaign, but discovering an entire civilization of depraved casino dwellers.

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Borderlands 3 – Revenge of the 80s

The Cartel has arrived to take over Borderlands 3, with the mandatory lock-down requirements of 80s synth music, sports cars and golden toilets.

You’re still gonna need your own toilet paper, though. Everyone here wipes their arse with money.

Revenge of the Cartels is a free event for Borderlands 3 that runs from April 23 to June 4. It’s a rather short romp but offers impressive production values, with a new area, new enemies and new music. It takes place in a villa-style mansion suspended above a giant waterfall and surrounded by an immense natural landscape where dinosaurs wouldn’t look out of place. Continue reading “Borderlands 3 – Revenge of the 80s” →

Resident Evil Resistance – Itchy. Tasty. Laggy.

“These f’**k noobs are gonna get us all killed.” – wiseguy69

That was the first thing I heard when I played Resident Evil Resistance. First week of its release, two of us were level 1 in our first game, someone was level 3, and this one person with voice chat was level 7. None of us had a clue what was going on, and this level 7 expert was constantly whining instead of helping. Needless to say, we all died and nobody enjoyed it. Welcome to Resident Evil Online.

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Gato Roboto – Meowtroid Zero Kitten

What if Metroid was a cat? You would finally be able to crawl. It would also be a completely different game with different level design, different movement options and Nintendo probably would have chosen Yoshi to star in the game instead. Hmmm, that wouldn’t be such a bad timeline. We would have a whole genre of Yoshivanias. Moving on from this alternative past, we have a brand new Indie game called Gato Roboto with a similar aesthetic to the original Metroid on NES. You could argue it’s even more ancient as it lacks a full colour palette. However, once you start playing this game it comes to life and impresses with modern movement and design.