Matto’s takeaways from the 9.23.2021 Nintendo Direct (and Bayonetta 3)

Screenshots were taken from Nintendo’s official website and PlatinumGames official website, and the Bayonetta 3 YouTube trailer.

A Nintendo Direct is always a good time, whether it announces the things you don’t expect or completely makes the “industry insiders” look hilariously wrong (more on that in a bit). But, hey, I got some things to talk about with this Direct, because some things are very interesting. But its also a chance for me to mock things semi-related to the Direct because why the hell not?

1: You were wrong, AGAIN, Industry Insiders.

I take what industry insiders say with a grain a salt, even ones that talk about hilarious behind the scenes drama at incompetent publishers letting idiots with obvious Sony fanboyism make business decisions that go nowhere (SEGA’s and Yakuza creator Nagoshi along with Bandai Namco’s Harada), coupled with Sony spreading money on games that will probably flop 50% of the time because of userbase indifference or nobody being able to buy a damn PS5.

But let’s get back to the topic at hand! Industry Insiders are a breed of people I laugh at constantly for being wrong. Do I condone bullying them? Absolutely not, don’t be that big of a shithead. However, I am one who believes one shouldn’t avoid responsibility and owning up to mistakes; good luck trying to get the insiders to admit to their mistakes, because if Nintendo doesn’t announce what they rumor will happen, they will go “Oh, their plans must’ve changed last minute, oops. Guess we have to wait until the next Direct!”

For example, rumors that Xenoblade 3 was going to happen soon and that Game Boy would be added to Nintendo Switch Online. Switch is nearing five years, and no doubt a successor/major refresh that isn’t the OLED model is in the works, so they are probably saving things for that, which is not unheard of considering Nintendo’s past history will holding things back for newer console generations.

Again, don’t bully these people, but always remember that Emily Rogers is wrong all the time and then ask yourself why Polygon never owned up to lying about Pokemon Stars being a thing. Just don’t be a massive dick about it to them.

2: Nintendo 64 is (finally) getting a Switch Online app, when I didn’t think it would, but… SEGA Genesis/Mega Drive is getting one???

1996-2001: “Not grown-up enough, not enough third parties, get with the program Nintendo!”
Every following generation: “Why isn’t Nintendo doing it like the N64 days?!
Currently: “Software preservation it now or else I threaten to pirate your games!
The main difference between the previous five thousand Genesis/Mega Drive game releases and this is online play. Gunstar Heroes online play. Also, hoping its M2 doing the emulation.

So, we didn’t get that much rumored Game Boy update. However, I was not expecting both the N64 and Genesis being part of a new NSO membership deal. Being that I love the retro game apps on the Switch (software preservationists constant bitching about no Super Mario RPG or EarthBound be damned because all they want to do is bitch and probably haven’t played them), the N64 surprised me because I thought that generation of Nintendo games would only get the remake/remaster treatment thanks to how successful Nintendo and Grezzo was with Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask on 3DS, along with the Super Mario 3-D All-Stars collection (which is still available physically, look for it you whiny fools).

What was the biggest takeaway about the Nintendo 64 announcement was that Banjo-Kazooie was going to be on the app. Yes, that Banjo-Kazooie. It seems that Microsoft is more willing to share its IPs it bought from Nintendo all those years ago to be back in Nintendo pastures again, mainly because they couldn’t do fuck-all with any of it and that Rare Replay sold like ass. Or, maybe Microsoft is looking for an out from the gaming industry after it was officially revealed by a Microsoft rep that, yes, MS never made any money on the Xbox brand since the beginning and is still losing money.

Also, while Genesis games are nice, I would like Saturn and Dreamcast games, though SEGA seems to forget about them and would rather force us to go through Gain Ground again, or re-release Sonic 1.

3. A Castlevania Collection of GBA games? Rock!… Wait, is that the SNES Dracula X? What?

The virgin Dracula X to the chad Rando of Blood. Yes, I used that meme. I’m going to go to Hell.

The game collections that third parties put out are some of the biggest pieces of evidence as to why Nintendo doesn’t put heavy hitting third party software on the classic gaming apps for NSO. While the obvious joke to make is “Nintendo third parties ahahahaha—“, the Virtual Console’s invention on Wii created a monster, so to speak; third parties realized classic games could make money. And since then, classic game collections are dime a dozen, but god forbid if they get an incompetent developer to emulate/port them (hi Digital Eclipse).

Anyway, Castlevania Advance Collection will bundle the three Castlevania games that appeared on the Game Boy Advance. While the biggest star of the collection is, personally, Aria of Sorrow, the other two are flawed but still enjoyable. M2 and Konami also threw in a bonus game! …The SNES version of Dracula X: Rando of Blood. As in, the slightly lame version of one the best classic-style Castlevania games.

I can only chalk this up to Sony making an exclusivity deal with Konami (idiots) to keep both Symphony Of The Night and its canon prequel (Rando of Blood) in Sony world, despite the fact it seems nobody in that ecosystem except a select few seem to care about it with it being a digital marketplace game and Konami wanting to suck Sony’s money teet when it has proven that it mostly doesn’t work these days unless you are really, really lucky.

Oh well, Aria of Sorrow is still dope though.

4. Kirby in full 3-D?! It finally happened!

Hal Labs have wanted Kirby to have a full 3-D adventure for many years, starting as far back as to when Kriby: Return to Dream Land was first announced for the GameCube, which then became a Wii game. After many years of figuring out how to make Kirby work in a full 3-D adventure, Hal Labs’ latest Kirby game has appeared to have finally managed that. We haven’t seen much of a Kirby since 2018’s Kirby Star Allies, but Kirby & The Forgotten Land took me by surprise (despite being accidentally leaked by Nintendo). From the looks of things, it seems to be an open-world adventure a’la Bowser’s Fury, but what is official is that it takes place in an abandoned land that has a city.

Wait, an abandoned city with tons of overgrowth? Let’s make the obvious stupid joke and say Kirby is now pulling a NieR Automata! Except I don’t think Hal Labs will make Waddles Dees form a cocoon to give birth to a bishounen robot. Or would that be a bishounen looking Bandana Waddle Dee who will then split like an amoeba and make a bishounen Bandana Waddle Dee?

5. BAYONETTA 3 BAYBEE

I was not expecting this. For all we knew, Bayonetta 3 was in some sort of development hell or PlatinumGames’ ambition may have seemed to much for the Switch to handle, and it got moved to the Switch successor. Turns out I was really, really wrong. Bayonetta 3 was originally announced in 2017 at The Game Awards, and with every year that passed, the only thing Hideki Kamiya would say that it was progressing smoothly. After four years of not knowing anything, we finally got a gameplay trailer. As someone who likes Bayonetta and Bayonetta 2, let’s break down some highlights.

Highlight 1: Bayonetta’s new look.

In Bayonetta 2, our favorite gun-touting witch got a new hairstyle and outfit. This, according to her creators, is something she does because that’s who Bayonetta is. Also, her outfit is made out of her hair, so she can magically change it however she wants. This newest outfit has a bit of a frilly dress feel with a bit of a skirt, but her hair style is interesting as that’s the look her child counterpart, Cereza, had the first Bayonetta game.

Highlight 2: PlatinumGames referencing itself.

If it’s a PlatinumGames project, no doubt there will be references to other PlatinumGames titles or work they did back at Capcom when they were Clover/Production Studio 4. This trailer had one “blink and you might miss it” reference, a rather obvious one to a previous Platinum title, and a nod to the first Devil May Cry. The most obvious being Lappy from Astral Chain, which was a Nintendo/PlatinumGames joint that released in 2019 for Switch.

Keep looking happy you sci-fi cop mascot dog.

The “blink and you might miss it” reference is for The Wonderful 101.

The Devil May Cry reference is in the form of Phantasmaraneae, whom Bayo summoned in the first game and later had to fight in Hell during the second game as a mini-boss. Bayo’s lava-spider friend is a giant reference to Phantom, a lava-spider Dante fought in the first Devil May Cry. Complete with a scorpion stinger too!

Highlight 3: Demon Masqurade is Bayo’s new Umbran Climax and shitting on Microsoft

In Bayonetta 2, you had the ability to use the Umbran Climax; after filling your magic meter, you could either pull of a torture attack on one enemy which may give you an angelic weapon to fight with temporarily, or you could use the Umbran Climax, which is essentially Bayo’s boss fight form from Bayo 1 only on a limited timer and the moves looks cooler.

A major showcase in this trailer was Bayonetta summoning series staple Gomorrah, along with Phantasmaraneae and Malphas, and the demons taking part in the battle with the new enemies. After summoning, Bayonetta gets longer hair and redish hue on her outfit. This new ability is called “Demon Masqurade”, but as I watched the trailer and these attacks being made, I thought to myself: “This looks like what Scalebound was going to be.”

Scalebound, as everyone is now aware, was going to be Hideki Kamiya’s next directorial project after The Wonderful 101. The main gimmick was that the protagonist would be able to summon a dragon to fight alongside him in battles, but we would never be able to see the final product as Microsoft cancelled it. Those who blamed Platinum for this project being cancelled are idiots, as it seemed Microsoft’s incompetence curse with Japanese developers once again reared its ugly head with Platinum, and Microsoft micromanaged the game to the point it wanted a multiplayer mode when Kamiya didn’t.

Bayonetta 3’s director is Yusuke Miyata, whom was a game design lead for Scalebound. Upon hearing that, everything clicked together. Microsoft’s failure to be competent with development has become Nintendo and Platinum’s chance to bring forth a unique design gimmick.

Highlight 4: Aliens…? In my Bayonetta? Maybe.

In Bayonetta 1, your main enemy was Angels. In Bayonetta 2, they were Angels and Demons. In Bayonetta 3… who knows what the hell these things are. What we do know is that humans can now see them, where in the previous games nobody could see the Angels (or Bayonetta), but they can witness the battle damage. So, its just taking a guess as to what they really are.

So that’s it, my highlights. See you guys in another two years (or earlier, who knows).

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