Project Warlock – Shooty Newman McRetro

I’m here to play games and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of retro-themed non-linear FPS games. Oh wait, just found one. Hold the bubblegum! I’ve got some GAMING to do.

Project Warlock immediately impresses with a crunchy badass guitar riff, with tons of options on the main menu to make you feel like you’re about to order an explosive meal at the Mayhem Diner. The gameplay feels right at home with other 90s FPS games like Doom or Duke Nukem 3D, but the graphics take some getting used to. Unlike other FPS that imitate this style in actual retro engines (like Ion Fury in Build), this game is made in the more modern engine Unity. It has a cel-shaded outline with more of a Minecraft or Dragon Quest feel. It took me a while to get used to, but it runs well and allows for some impressive lighting effects and colours that really pop like candy. Candy popcorn. Bubblegum you can swallow.

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Daylife in Japan – Lo-Fi Jigsaw Jams

This title stuck out to me while I was browsing the eShop in a daydream state. Daylife in Japan… yeah that’s somewhere I want to be. Oh, it’s a jigsaw puzzle game? I almost lost interest but after watching the trailer I was sold. It had a comfy animated pixel art street vibe and the music was relaxing and thoughtful. Perfect. It’s not often I would buy a game on the aesthetic presentation alone, but for $1.50 why not?

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Pikmin 3 Deluxe – New Technology Discovered

A mysterious object has been spotted and gathered by the Pikmin. It appears to be a flat device with removable parts. Analysis shows this technology has potential, but we are unsure how to harness it yet. It could not produce new Pikmin when thrown in the onion, but perhaps we could use it to enhance our ship.

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Jump Rope Challenge – Seven Day Adventure

Once upon a time, a group of Nintendo developers were working in an office. Suddenly, a global event happened that forced them to work from home. At first they enjoyed the comfort, but soon began to miss going outside. They just weren’t getting the exercise and body stimulation they needed. To solve this problem, the developers ordered some copies of Ring Fit Adventure. Gaming and fitness at the same time? Now you can work out while you work! Unfortunately, the game is so sold out that Nintendo’s own staff can’t even get a copy. Gotta fill those pre-orders first. Not content with waiting until their bodies turned to dust, these brave Nintendo developers decided to take the challenge into their own hands and design a piece of software themselves. Jump Rope Challenge uses the Joy-Cons to simulate a jump rope, with a counter on the screen and cute art style for motivation.

This game is a free download, and was announced and released on the same day in this tweet. If you want to give it a try, all you need is around 70mb of free space and two Joy-Cons that come with the regular Switch. If you’re too lazy, just follow my journey instead.

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Blazing Chrome – Just Chrome It

The year is A.D. 21XX and humanity is…. ah screw it, you’ve heard it all before. This is yet another videogame where billions of humans have died and you are our last hope. There’s just something about ultimate apocalyptic destruction that makes for a good action game. Or survival game. Or story-heavy RPG. Or driving game. First-person shooting. Golf. Heck, is everything better without humans? No, that question is too deep for this game’s colour palette. Humanity is on the brink of extinction and it’s time…

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God Eater 3 – Just a Bite

Too dangerous, they said. That’s why we’re locked in here. Horrific beasts have taken over Earth, beasts known as Aragami who only live to consume and destroy. Yet we’re the ones treated like evil, the only people who can fight them. The uncreative God Eaters just call us “Adaptive” God Eaters or AGE for short, simply because we can breathe the air outside. It’s a long story but Earth is screwed. The air is full of corrosive ash that humans can’t handle, except us of course. This “ability” has led us to being locked up and treated like test subjects. We only get let out to do missions for them.  Is that our fault, did we ask for this? We must be bad, just like the monsters right? Then why are we having so much fun slaying them?

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forma.8 – 8.amrof

You might remember forma.8 as one of the Wii U demos in the Nindie promotion from 2015. It was one of the games that impressed me most at the time, and has stayed in my mind ever since. Every time the demo icon showed up on the eShop scrolling puzzle, I wondered when it would come out. The full game was finally released this month, and I have to give the team props for not cancelling the Wii U version like other devs have been doing. I’m glad I finally got to play it before Switch comes out. Before getting deep into this review however, I have to get one thing off my chest.

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Art of Balance – Collapsing Into a Puddle of Tears

Shin’en have crafted a finely balanced library on the Wii U. To offset the speed and destruction of FAST Racing Neo, Art of Balance is a game about being as slow as possible. I held off buying this game for a long time for that reason, it just looked boring. A bunch of shapes on a plain background. I finally downloaded the game and assembled my own opinion of it.

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Citadale – Not Another Castlevania

I faced a moral dilemma when buying this game on my Wii U. It’s a Castlevania clone that directly re-uses assets from Circle of the Moon and the NES games, with the most simple graphics possible. Alright, sounds cheap and dirty, but those games are a lot of fun. Even if this game is a bit of fun, it’ll be a good night. If I didn’t buy it I’d be thinking about it all night, so here we are. Making dreams reality.

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Grand Prix Rock ‘N Racing – THIS RACE IS ON FIRE!

It was a lonely Sunday night as the Brazilian GP faced a rain delay. Harsh weather had flooded the track, and the already late 3am start would be pushed back even further to an undisclosed time. From the other side of the world, I faced an existential crisis as I turned off the coverage and stared at my Wii U. My headphones still on, I started browsing the eShop. It was meant to be playing Mario Kart 8 music, but for some reason it was generic eShop music from 2012. What kind of night was this? Could anything go right? I browsed the new releases and saw Grand Prix Rock ‘N Racing. It was a top-down racer, boasting real F1 tracks with a colourful presentation. I like all those things. Wow, a sunny Brazil. After watching the trailer I was sold. To quote the commentator’s thick vocabulary “LET’S GO!“.

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FAST Racing NEO – Future Pack DLC Bingo GX Deluxe Happy Times Zero Kart 8

The fastest download ever has hit the Wii U. I’m not joking, the Future Pack DLC for FAST Racing NEO clocks in at 13mb on the eShop, then somehow turns into a 2mb download on the HOME menu, then installs itself before you can even read the track list. What’s happening? Too late, we’re off.

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The Legend of Kusakari – Freshly Cut Justice

We’ve all done it. You’re playing your favourite legendary videogame with a very important quest to do. Traveling across a field to your next destination, your mind is heavy with responsibility. If only there was something to ease the tension. Swaying in the wind, something catches your eye… fresh grass. Thick, luscious, green, just begging to be cut. A few slashes can’t hurt, right? HYAH! CHOP! Health and money fly out but you don’t even care. The sound effect is rewarding enough. The grass disintegrates into the air along with your troubles. The leafy smell comes through the screen and you start to feel connected to nature. The objective of saving the world fades into the background as you seek out more grass to cut. HYAH! More! MORE! MOOOORE!

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Runny Egg – Breakfast on the eShop

12.38am. I had eggs for breakfast, but they were far from my mind in the middle of the night. It was Winter and I was lying down watching Summer Games Done Quick, taking in the joy of my favourite hobby from half a world away. One of my favourite reasons to watch speedrun marathons is discovering new games. Runny Egg was up next, and it was a good enough reason to stay on the couch. I’ve never heard of this game, but it looked cheerful enough that I could pretend it was Summer and continue escaping my life.

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