Category: Reviews

So, how was it?

Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed – Faster Than U

“Sonic and friends are back!” is usually a saying that would make me pull out a gun, but Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed welcomes every franchise Sega can pull out of their arse and organises them into unique vehicles and tracks. Easily mistaken for a kart racer, this game stands on its own and can’t really be compared to anything. If you have to pigeon-hole it, just imagine Mario Kart meets F-Zero at a furry convention and they have a baby with a missing leg. What it really is; an extremely fun arcade racer that uses SEGA’s franchises to create some amazing tracks and a solid experience on Wii U.

sonic-ridge-racer-allstars-unbounded

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Nano Assault Neo – 50mb of Sex

When Shin’en announced they were making a Wii U game, there was a small eruption in my pants. Technical wizards of DS and WiiWare, these guys know how to maximize hardware like nobody else in the business. They could probably port F-Zero to a pocket calculator if you dared them too, at 60 FPS. While I knew they were up to the task of a launch game, I did not think it would be this good.

sexual-assault

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Spirit Hunters Inc. – Now Hiring

Did you see that? Something bouncing around your peripheral vision… probably nothing. Wait, what was that sound? A faint cry… probably a bird. At night time? Hmm. Those unexplained little specs and sounds don’t mean you’re crazy, there’s actually a logical explanation. Spirits have entered the world and they’ve taken residence in your house, at your local park and everywhere you take your 3DS. How convenient! They are invisible to our human eyes, but now there’s a software app on DSiWare that exposes their presence in the world and lets us play with them!

wildspirit

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NiGHTS into dreams HD: Simple game, stupid analog mess up, short review

Ladies and gentlemen, I have or had a problem. I kept thinking to myself, “What game should I review for Pietriots since I want to be my unprofessional self rather then an in-depth reviewer?” Well SEGA decided to give me an answer in the form of an extremely fun Saturn classic given an HD re-release… actually, scratch that; an extremely fun Saturn classic given what was originally a PS2 make-over, never released outside of Japan for almost six years but then deciding since they have no money left to fund anything just upscale the damn game. Continue reading “NiGHTS into dreams HD: Simple game, stupid analog mess up, short review” →

Homefront – The War On Gameplay

Homefront is THQ’s answer to a question nobody asked; why can’t we have more games about war? There isn’t enough violence in the world according to THQ, so they’ve made up a new scenario for this game. It takes place in 2027 and apparently Korea has been terrorising the world for 15 years because they’re Korea. The game starts off with 3 Korean soldiers attacking you and acting smug, before they push you down some stairs and lock you in a bus. There’s a “normal” dude you’ve never met waiting on the bus and he acts like you’re his homeboy. The bus gets going and you’re forced to look outside through the window, with a locked camera that makes sure you see all the brutality happening on the streets. Korean soldiers are hitting people for fun, explosions are going off, children are crying, slaves are being prodded in a line. Apparently this has been going on for a decade, but seemingly everything happens at once right as the bus goes by. Are we having fun yet?

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GrooveRider – Extreme Slot Car Racing

While Americans have been updating their Wii U’s and drawing dicks in Nintendo Land, I’ve been playing GrooveRider, the best slot car game ever made. Browsing the Playstation Store I noticed this PS2 classic for $8 with an average user review of 4.5 stars. Could a slot car game really be that good? Sure, why not? I downloaded it immediately without even consulting the internet, because that’s the kind of risk worth taking.


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Ju-On – Fright Simulator Gone Wrong

Ju-On: The Grudge starts off very quickly. After a bizarre cutscene of a curious dog running around, you’re suddenly standing in a dark room holding a flashlight. This is where the dog went, it’s a factory. Pointing the Wiimote around to look, you mash every button and discover that B moves you forward. The room is dark and quiet until you take a step; the footstep echoes off the metal floor and bounces around the room. There are no prompts, the game hasn’t explained the controls yet. Is this real? Where’s the tutorial? There’s a door ahead, you make sure you know how to step backwards before approaching it. Down on the d-pad? Sure, why not. There’s something on the door, it looks like two handprints. Is someone trapped? This is the only door in the room, how did you even get here? All you can do is go through and look for answers.

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Heroes of Ruin – Pietriots Style

Heroes of Ruin is one of those games everybody asked for and nobody bought, much like Steel Diver. The concept of a 4-player online loot game on a handheld is pretty exciting. The game definitely lives up to the idea and is quite a fun romp, but there’s a few things holding it back from greatness. Recently myself, Matto, Bill and Pro Daisy completed the game Pietriots-Style over a few weeks.

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SpeedX 3D – Not quite a 64-bit review

Hey, remember how at least 147% of all games released on the DSiWare service were stupidly overpriced ports of 99c iPhone games with less content and options? Prooobably not if you owned an Australian system, since no DSiWare games were ever released for it here. None. Never. Especially not the few that were. But enough about e-racism, SpeedX 3D is here for your 3DS! It’s one of those iPhone ports you know and shrug, but now in glorious three dee. Two more dimensions? Seven thousand times the price. Now the math(s) works. Atari’s marketing department would be proud.


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House of the Dead: OVERKILL – Motherfucking MOVE Edition

I recently got a PlayStation Move, and I’m excited because I can finally enjoy hardcore games like House of the Dead, Dead Space: Extraction and Resident Evil: Chronicles. Oh wait, I’ve played all of those. Nevertheless, I picked up a copy of House of the Dead: OVERKILL Extended Edition, because the game is amazing and I had to play the extra levels. Also because it was $10 at Big W.

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Darksiders – 5 games in 1

A year ago I tried to get into Darksiders, but only made it a few hours. A lot of things about the game rubbed me the wrong way. Namely the forced patch, broken graphics, and brain-dead combat. I decided to give it another chance, because I really want to be excited for the Wii U sequel. I just beat the game on Normal and there’s a lot more to it than I initially thought, but it’s still a crappy game.

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New Super Mario Bros 2 – Review from 2022

Recently, I decided to take a break from modern gaming; there’s only so many ads and achievements I can take. I’ve gone back to New Super Mario Bros. 2 on my 3DS Micro for some classic fun, and man this game has aged well! Why can’t Nintendo go back to this style? I’m sick of these annual 3.75D Mario games clogging the market.

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Decathlon 2012 – Running at three frames per 100 metres

“Sweet moves, Beef McGravy!”
“Thanks, coach! It was all thanks to your constant harassment and sharp-edged threats that I’m here today, competing for my country in the Olympics.”
“The what – the what did you say?! I’ll cut’cha with my axe! This is the Decathlon 2012, son! Go for bronze!”
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Vacation Isle: Beach Party

This is how Vacation Isle began development. A bunch of guys sitting around a table, aspiring to rip off a 9 year old water ripple that some guy at Nintendo did in 2 weeks. Well they succeeded, the water looks pretty good. Unfortunately they were SO EXCITED, they forgot to make the rest of the game before shipping the disc. Who can blame them though? Mario Sunshine has great looking water! Continue reading “Vacation Isle: Beach Party” →