Pokemon Ranger

It’s hard to tell the difference between this game and a nightmare. It’s got Pokemon, it’s on DS, it involves lots of furious gimmicky scribbling, and after it’s all done you wake up with a wet patch. It’s a kiddie game, the characters in it all talk to you like you’re stupid. Even they know how bad the game is. What’s even worse is the gimmicky non-gameplay. All you do is scribble circles over and over again. If I wanted to do that i’d draw a toilet.

Even the Pokemon in the game are aware of how crappy it is, if you try and catch them, they’ll move and do attacks. Where’s the fun in that? You’re supposed to draw circles around them but when they move all over the place you have to move your circles too. The game is broken. The most fun I had was when I threw my stylus across the room and spent 3 hours digging through my old PSX magazines to find it. Oh what memories, the days of the demo disc. I played those demo discs for hours haha. It’s taken Nintendo 15 years to rip off demos. WiiWare is stuck in 1995. Except billions of people were in 1995 and nobody uses WiiWare. Go out on the street and ask people if they’ve downloaded a Wii demo on WiiWare. I don’t go outside much but I can assume they’d all think you were a nutjob. Now ask people if they’ve played the Metal Gear Solid demo on PS1, and they’ll say yes. This is what Nintendo is up against.

Imagine if you had to draw circles around things in Metal Gear Solid. Hey guard, I just snuck up on you. Before I finish you off, i’m gonna draw scribbles all over your face. Gee, THAT sounds like fun. The touch screen takes away all the immersion from Metal Gear Solid, when i’m sitting on my couch trying to have an immersive cinematic experience, I don’t want to draw endless loops. I wonder where Nintendo got the idea of endless loops being fun, probably from their release schedule. 2008 releases – Pokemon, Mario. 2009 releases – Pokemon, Mario. 2010 releases – Pokemon, Mario. Wow i’m playing Pokemon Ranger just by looking at this list.

Pokemon Ranger is a great game for anyone with interesting places to throw a stylus. The game should come bundled with stacks of PlayStation magazines because they were necessary for me to enjoy the game. Sony’s innovation really has no limits.

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