Microsoft Media Conference Summary

Well I took one for the team and opted to miss the first half of the Italy vs. Paraguay game to watch the Xbox E3 show something something thingy. Just bullet points because who can be bothered typing words?

  • Call of Duty: Black Ops opens show with compelling on-rails footage.
  • Microsoft executive Dorky Dad walks off 1993 family sitcom to take over the presentation.
  • Metal May Cry footage shown, Dorky Dad confirms PS3 port.
  • Gears of War 3 played on stage, 4 player co-op provides great opportunities for friendly fire
  • Halo Reach shown on stage.
  • Fable 3 shown on stage.
  • And that concludes the list of exclusive Xbox games.
  • Xbox misses opportunity to RickRoll millions of people and instead maliciously inflict Justin Bieber on the population.
  • Some girl’s joke falls flat as she talks to her sister while they co-operatively watch television.
  • Xbox announces new sports compatibility just in case your TV doesn’t work with sports.
  • Wanker reckons that since he’ll be sharing the stage with a child and a bunch of Asian girls it is appropriate for him to dress as a pimp.
  • Baby Tiger mauls and kills young boy named Milo.
  • Rare back to the best; completely emulating Nintendo.
  • Alleged Kart racing game forgets to include items.
  • E3 game of the show so far front-runner Kinect Adventures announced, demo completely ruined by irritating bitches.
  • Ubisoft successfully identify Wii Fit free market to exploit.
  • Harmonix show off incredible dancing game with ‘white male’ difficulty option.
  • Sonic game to curse Kinect launch.
  • Rebel Assault 3 announced.
  • Forza Kinect enables long sought after Quicktime VR emulation.
  • Dorky Dad wins over crowd with free Xbox Quiet, crowd temporarily forgets they already own an Xbox.

Well it was a fairly safe show from Xbox. At no point did they dare upset the crowd by revealing just how much Kinect would cost, only that it would launch in time for Xmas.

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