Wii U isn’t bombing hard enough for some journalists to feel secure, and another desperate doom article has surfaced. This “sports expert” on Kotaku has decided Wii U’s fate rests on Madden. Only 42 people were playing Madden on Wii U at some random point on Sunday, while Xbox 360 had 194236 billion people online! What do you have to say about THAT, Nintendo?
Author: Grubdog
Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed – Faster Than U
“Sonic and friends are back!” is usually a saying that would make me pull out a gun, but Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed welcomes every franchise Sega can pull out of their arse and organises them into unique vehicles and tracks. Easily mistaken for a kart racer, this game stands on its own and can’t really be compared to anything. If you have to pigeon-hole it, just imagine Mario Kart meets F-Zero at a furry convention and they have a baby with a missing leg. What it really is; an extremely fun arcade racer that uses SEGA’s franchises to create some amazing tracks and a solid experience on Wii U.
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Nano Assault Neo – 50mb of Sex
When Shin’en announced they were making a Wii U game, there was a small eruption in my pants. Technical wizards of DS and WiiWare, these guys know how to maximize hardware like nobody else in the business. They could probably port F-Zero to a pocket calculator if you dared them too, at 60 FPS. While I knew they were up to the task of a launch game, I did not think it would be this good.
Spirit Hunters Inc. – Now Hiring
Did you see that? Something bouncing around your peripheral vision… probably nothing. Wait, what was that sound? A faint cry… probably a bird. At night time? Hmm. Those unexplained little specs and sounds don’t mean you’re crazy, there’s actually a logical explanation. Spirits have entered the world and they’ve taken residence in your house, at your local park and everywhere you take your 3DS. How convenient! They are invisible to our human eyes, but now there’s a software app on DSiWare that exposes their presence in the world and lets us play with them!
Wii U is bombing, and we’re OK with that
Wii U has come out and has caused an interesting reaction with the gaming community. It’s exploded onto the scene like a bird shitting on a park bench. Wii U isn’t selling as well as Wii did at this very early stage, and after skeptical claims of “artificial shortages” people are now falling over themselves to prove that Wii U is “in stock”. Yes, you can buy it. So why don’t you?
Wii U – Launch Misconceptions
This is a quick post, because I’m playing the shit out of my Wii U right now and don’t have any spare energy to write. There’s an overwhelming amount of fun stuff to do and Nano Assault Neo blew half my face off. Anyway, paid journalists were also overwhelmed and fucked up a lot of things in a sweaty panic, causing mass confusion in the Miiverse. Here’s a few things to set straight!
F***heads – U and Me
Homefront – The War On Gameplay
Homefront is THQ’s answer to a question nobody asked; why can’t we have more games about war? There isn’t enough violence in the world according to THQ, so they’ve made up a new scenario for this game. It takes place in 2027 and apparently Korea has been terrorising the world for 15 years because they’re Korea. The game starts off with 3 Korean soldiers attacking you and acting smug, before they push you down some stairs and lock you in a bus. There’s a “normal” dude you’ve never met waiting on the bus and he acts like you’re his homeboy. The bus gets going and you’re forced to look outside through the window, with a locked camera that makes sure you see all the brutality happening on the streets. Korean soldiers are hitting people for fun, explosions are going off, children are crying, slaves are being prodded in a line. Apparently this has been going on for a decade, but seemingly everything happens at once right as the bus goes by. Are we having fun yet?
How To Review A Videogame – 5 Easy Steps
The past week has been an eye-opener. It seems Wii U has exposed a lot of people in the media who don’t play games, with a string of lazy reviews copied from a press release or previous version of the game. It’s a tough life playing games for a living, especially during a console launch when there’s just too many games to play! Just thinking about all those games makes me sick, so I’ve put together a quick guide to help struggling journalists get through this tough time.
GrooveRider – Extreme Slot Car Racing
While Americans have been updating their Wii U’s and drawing dicks in Nintendo Land, I’ve been playing GrooveRider, the best slot car game ever made. Browsing the Playstation Store I noticed this PS2 classic for $8 with an average user review of 4.5 stars. Could a slot car game really be that good? Sure, why not? I downloaded it immediately without even consulting the internet, because that’s the kind of risk worth taking.
How hard is it to review a videogame?
Pretty hard according to this clown, Ryan Mccaffrey at IGN. Don’t click it, they don’t deserve the hits. It’s a review of Ninja Gaiden 3 on Wii U, not just any review but the first one on the internet!
FPS on Wii U, will Third Parties drop the ball again?
Anyone who played Conduit 2 knows how good the Wii controller feels for first-person shooters. Not because the game does anything amazing, but because High Voltage were one of the only developers to show up to the FPS party with a Wii game. Call of Duty players laughed at their primitive graphics, Halo players insulted their mothers, and Killzone players were too busy reconnecting to PSN. Not many developers were brave enough to try and sell a game on the absurd basis of “good controls”, so FPS were few and far between on Wii, with launch games Red Steel and Far Cry Vengeance still floating in the top tier of the genre after 6 years. Wii U is just around the corner and negates the graphics problem but brings a new problem: the tablet. The enticing features of the GamePad screen and it’s comfortable grip could doom us to another generation of analog stick shooting.
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Ju-On – Fright Simulator Gone Wrong
Ju-On: The Grudge starts off very quickly. After a bizarre cutscene of a curious dog running around, you’re suddenly standing in a dark room holding a flashlight. This is where the dog went, it’s a factory. Pointing the Wiimote around to look, you mash every button and discover that B moves you forward. The room is dark and quiet until you take a step; the footstep echoes off the metal floor and bounces around the room. There are no prompts, the game hasn’t explained the controls yet. Is this real? Where’s the tutorial? There’s a door ahead, you make sure you know how to step backwards before approaching it. Down on the d-pad? Sure, why not. There’s something on the door, it looks like two handprints. Is someone trapped? This is the only door in the room, how did you even get here? All you can do is go through and look for answers.
F***heads – Need for Speech
Heroes of Ruin – Pietriots Style
Heroes of Ruin is one of those games everybody asked for and nobody bought, much like Steel Diver. The concept of a 4-player online loot game on a handheld is pretty exciting. The game definitely lives up to the idea and is quite a fun romp, but there’s a few things holding it back from greatness. Recently myself, Matto, Bill and Pro Daisy completed the game Pietriots-Style over a few weeks.
Pietriots 