Dragon Quest VIII – Journey of the Cursed Selfie

G’day! I’m here with my pal Yangus at The Weary Wanderer, just ‘avin a brew and a laugh. We shared stories of the past and had a great time reminiscing. He’s got a real captivating way of telling a story with that strong accent of his. Really knows how to pound down the bevvies too, we were off our faces and had to stay the night. Luckily they had beds for us, we handed 4 gold coins to the nice man and fumbled our way upstairs.

When I woke up everything looked different, in a bad way. There was no 3D effect, objects didn’t have shadows and textures were very inconsistent. Did I wake up in a remake or a bad port? There’s new features, but why is there stuff missing? I can’t even read anything, the words are so fat and blurry. I had to get some fresh air so I ventured outside the town.

Yep, this was definitely the same grass. After running around a bit and gathering my senses, my negative impression of the day turned around. I was running at a rock-solid 30 FPS for the first time in my life, and everything looked a lot clearer. I could see more imperfections, but they were beautiful and true. Monsters were hopping around the field in delight. Wow, they were finally visible! Me and Yangus picked a few fights to make sure we weren’t dreaming. The same monster battles we always had, except they can’t sneak up on us anymore. We ran around like little kids chasing puppies and birds. What a thrill to see the big empty plains come to life like this. I’m not sure what I drank last night, but it has improved my vision and quality of life.

After getting lost in the overworld chasing monster after monster, we came across a town we hadn’t seen before. Wait, weren’t we looking for a crystal or something? Oh well, better go in here and rest up. We found an impressive looking mansion and had to see what it was all about. With a condescending tone, a guard made his presence known.

Okay mate… hehehe.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA~ You can’t stop me! I am a gamer! Look at me, Yangus! I’ve got all these poses mastered now. I can kick, punch, jump! Are you filming?!

… Yangus?

Oh crap.

I forgot about the guard. He was PISSED and proceeded to chase me around the mansion. I was running for my life, but Yangus just watched and laughed. “Good one aye, guv!”. Come on mate, you could beat this guy up easily. Swing that club of yours. Oooops too late! The soldier caught his spear in my clothing, walked me to the door, and sent me flying on my way.

Oh well.

Even though I had gotten into a bit of trouble, it was fun getting used to my new senses. The world felt more interesting now, even if those missing shadows and sharp textures look uncanny. Yangus and I were actually on an important mission to find an evil jester who put a curse on our friends, Medea and Trode. They were waiting for us at the bridge. I told Yangus to go on ahead so I could take a moment to myself. “Don’t get lost again, aye guv?” Don’t worry mate. I felt a lot more comfortable navigating now, almost like there was a map on the back of my hand.

It’s just a beautiful world, it always has been. With so much interesting stuff going on you can just feel the mystery and impeding events in the air. I gazed into the distance and heard a faint calling.

“Hah.. hah.. hahahahaha…”.

Yangus? No. It sounded quite evil. A piercing realisation suddenly swept through my body. Could that be Dhoulmagus, the evil jester himself? I stood up. He was out there. This was no time to be taking selfies and daydreaming. Dhoulmagus was powerful enough to turn people into animals and monsters. I was there when the King was cursed, and watched Dhoulmagus turn him into a troll with my very eyes. I watched him turn Medea into a horse. He’s still out there and this could just be the start of his crusade.

A house had burned down in Farebury and we don’t have an explanation yet, but we do have a few leads. It was time for the real journey to begin, the Journey of the Cursed King.