Why I am excited for Metroid: Samus Returns

Depending on the circumstances, I am fine with being wrong. Can’t always be right about things, but much to my shock it turns out Nintendo had two new Metroid games in the works. One, which is coming out soon (September 15th!), is a full reimagining of the Game Boy title Metroid 2 for the 3DS. Metroid Prime 4 for Switch is still to be determined, but I guess the terrible Metroid fanbase* did not deter them after all.

*Fact: I still hate the Metroid fandom and think they are a blight on the series.

So with it’s impending release, I thought it would be best to talk about why I am excited for this new Metroid game. Continue reading “Why I am excited for Metroid: Samus Returns”

So I heard you don’t like Switch’s voice chat app…

In only a couple of days Splatoon 2 will be out and I will be playing it immensely, because what I played of the recent Splatfest was awesome. However, with that said, Nintendo released the Nintendo Switch Online phone app and everyone on the internet is having a meltdown over it being terrible and shitmonglers like Liam “Tamaki” Robertson are taking advantage of the situation by concern trolling with… a picture of a DS with a Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection game because there was voice chat on that, sort of, and it sucked.

Oh no. Continue reading “So I heard you don’t like Switch’s voice chat app…”

“Durp!”: Cliffy B – “Switch doesn’t have enough buttons!”

What was originally a series done by fellow Pietriot Bill Aurion now has my filthy hands all over it. Filthy Canadian hands, no less.

So let’s get one thing out of the way first; my respect for major Third Party Publishers, and their developers, who I will call out of disrespect “Thirds” is at an all-time low. I called it back in October last year that Switch’s Third support would be mired by bullshit, and lo’ and behold, it turned out I was right. In recent weeks, we’ve had some dip from THQ Nordic complain about Switch’s lack of power, despite, you know, games like Snake Pass being ported in under a couple of weeks. Then we had the creator of the Oddworld series spout these wonderful comments about Satoru Iwata. So in short, when Thirds make themselves look hilariously incompetent and they get mocked for it, I am as happy as a pig in mud because it gives me and my fellow Pietriots on our Discord server something to mock and discuss. Continue reading ““Durp!”: Cliffy B – “Switch doesn’t have enough buttons!””

Completing the Pokédex: Manaphy

The other week I achieved something I hadn’t since I was 12 years old; I completed the Pokédex, I caught them all. Technically though, it wasn’t them all. It was only the 301 available in the latest game. Nintendo long ago realised the insanity of capturing now 802 Pokémon and dropped “Gotta Catch ‘Em All” from the branding, providing smaller, region specific Pokédexs in the game. The importance of the complete Pokédex, or National Pokédex as it is known, has been downplayed too, a post-game unlockable in recent generations and not appearing at all in Pokémon Sun and Moon. Completing the Alola regional Pokédex didn’t provide the satisfaction I thought it would, and the in game reward, a stamp in my in-game passport, was as hollow as the certificate of completion I received 18 years ago. I have decided that I will not be fulfilled until I really have caught them all. All 802 bastards, including the worst thing in Pokémon, “event” Pokémon, so yesterday I dug out my Pokémon games from the last 4 generations to figure out how to get Manaphy, the seafaring Pokémon. Continue reading “Completing the Pokédex: Manaphy”

Crash Bandicoot was shit 20 years ago and is still shit today.

I was disgusted today to see that the remaster no one asked for, Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy, had sold out of pre-orders at some stores. As someone who played a lot of video games in the late 90’s, I can tell you that these three games are shit. Outside of Japan, there were precisely 20 days when Crash Bandicoot was relevant as a fun, 3D platforming game. But then Super Mario 64 came out and shat all over not just the original Crash Bandicoot but all future Crash Bandicoot games. Continue reading “Crash Bandicoot was shit 20 years ago and is still shit today.”