One Hundred Mario Games In This Generation!

Which actually never happened…

After New Super Mario Bros. 2, gaming journalists complained Nintendo was releasing too many Mario games (and then they beg for more 3D ones afterwards), and is now a yearly franchise with hardly any difference and therefore sucks. This thought process further solidifies the fact gaming journalists are retarded, but why whine about something (because I r a game journalist too hur hur hur) when I can present hard evidence? Continue reading “One Hundred Mario Games In This Generation!”

Heroes of Ruin – Pietriots Style

Heroes of Ruin is one of those games everybody asked for and nobody bought, much like Steel Diver. The concept of a 4-player online loot game on a handheld is pretty exciting. The game definitely lives up to the idea and is quite a fun romp, but there’s a few things holding it back from greatness. Recently myself, Matto, Bill and Pro Daisy completed the game Pietriots-Style over a few weeks.

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Medal of Incompetence: EA

EA is intent on taking over the games industry with their shitty Origin / Autolog / Social / ShitForBrains account systems and self-contained EA store. So much that they’re shunning platform holders and destroying game experiences in reckless pursuit of this arrogant goal. We already have Xbox Live, PSN accounts and friend codes, so what’s the big deal? Why not just get an EA account too? Firstly, it means logging in TWICE to play a console game. Now let’s take a look at the biggest EA release of the year, Medal of Honor: Warfighter.

Continue reading “Medal of Incompetence: EA”

ZombiU, or is it really GhostU?

As we near the Wii U launch, we also near the launch of a surprisingly-original Ubisoft title in the form of ZombiU.  It’s a fresh take on the survival horror genre, and is more of a Resident Evil game than Resident Evil 6 is.

The gist of the story is that John Dee, head magician of Queen Elizabeth I’s court, made a prophecy of a disaster that would eventually come to pass as the zombie apocalypse presented within the game.  The player is not the main character of the story (the main characters are the NPCs you meet over the course of the game), but instead takes an interesting angle in that we step into the shoes of a random Joe on the streets of the plague-stricken city of London.  Once they die, it’s Game Over for Joe #1, and we move onto the life of Joe #2 (or Jane #1).  It’s a fairly straight-forward story, or at least what little of it we know of at this point in time…

But is that the whole story?

Are there ghosts lurking within the shadows of London?  Why are they there?  What purpose could they possibly serve in what was a seemingly straight-forward story of survival in a Z-Day situation?  27 days remain…

Things Wrong With NFS: Shift 2 Unleashed

  •  One track available at the start
  •  Driver Cam with stupid blur and bouncy effects is default
  •  Mandatory PS3 installation “it will now install, go for a 40 minute walk
  •  Can’t play online without EA account
  •  Can’t play game without 3-step prompt to sign-in online
  •  Time Trial has Time Limit
  •  Driver XP bar exists while racing in every mode including Time Trial
  •  Idiot gives advice before every session in every mode
  •  Cutscenes
  •  Can’t skip cutscenes
  •  Can’t skip video advertising of EA Autolog
  •  Tutorial before you can play
  •  Game picks difficulty for you based on the first race
  •  Buying the first car links to the PS Store to spend real money
  •  Long load times
  •  Menu cluttered with VIP store options, code redemption screens and online pass sign-ins
  •  Options don’t always save
  •  Game crashes in Endurance Mode
  •  XP awards for following a questionable racing line
  •  Achievements for individual corners
  •  Achievements that aren’t “win the race”

Handling is good & the tracks are awesome, so I give this game 9 out of 10.

Rumor: Chinese Kids Forced To Read Kotaku

Excited about the upcoming article from Kotaku? Don’t be. Unconfirmed reports confirm that China has the internet, and there are boys as young as 14-16 in China who either work or study, most likely in factories and buildings. These boys have allegedly been subjected to journalism of the lowest order. A supposed person with no name from an unidentified source has been monitoring the situation, and gave us a clear picture;

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EB Expo – Handheld Edition

Wii U may have been the big attraction, but 3DS was the real hero who kept us busy in the long lines. A dedicated gaming event like the EB Expo is perfect for StreetPass action, and I got tons. Popular games included “Health & Safety Information” and “System Settings” , which is “OK.. I guess”. Some guy went out of his way to show everyone he owned Etrian Odyssey III. Hardcore, dude. I rated you Fantastic! for your efforts.

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SpeedX 3D – Not quite a 64-bit review

Hey, remember how at least 147% of all games released on the DSiWare service were stupidly overpriced ports of 99c iPhone games with less content and options? Prooobably not if you owned an Australian system, since no DSiWare games were ever released for it here. None. Never. Especially not the few that were. But enough about e-racism, SpeedX 3D is here for your 3DS! It’s one of those iPhone ports you know and shrug, but now in glorious three dee. Two more dimensions? Seven thousand times the price. Now the math(s) works. Atari’s marketing department would be proud.


Continue reading “SpeedX 3D – Not quite a 64-bit review”