Borderlands Prime 3 – Guns, Love & Tentacles

Pull up a chair and let me tell you a story.

After losing everything at the casino, I’ve started a brand new life. My character Zane was maxed out to lvl57, with nowhere left to go. I received a wedding invitation in the mail to remind me of what’s important. Love! Hammerlock and Wainwright were getting married and wanted their favourite vault hunter to do the honours. Fresh with inspiration, I made a brand new character, FL4K. I’m still the same person, I just look and talk like a robotic slayer now. I’ve also got a pet Skag! He’s a good boy and sometimes coughs up extra ammo.

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Moxxi’s Heist of the Handsome Jackpot – Blow Up The Pokies

If you think being in lockdown for a few months is bad, try 7 years. Now imagine you are locked in a casino. Someone has come to bail you out, but it’s too late. You’ve become a bitter, twisted, addicted, Borderlands enemy.

It’s not all bad. Meet “All-in” Alan, he’s having the time of his life. “7 years? I didn’t even notice! My big win is just around the corner!”. As long as he has his optimism, he’s winning on the inside.

Moxxi’s Heist of the Handsome Jackpot is the first paid DLC released for Borderlands 3, and just like a real casino, there’s a lot going on behind the scenes. You’re also not going to get your money back. It was hard to understand the angle of this before playing it, but it starts to make sense when you get there. This casino is so big, it exists as its own planetary structure floating in space by itself. The owner is missing in action and security protocols have come into effect, locking people inside for the last 7 years with no way out. Many events have unfolded in those years so you’re not just “going to a casino” in this campaign, but discovering an entire civilization of depraved casino dwellers.

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Borderlands 3 – Revenge of the 80s

The Cartel has arrived to take over Borderlands 3, with the mandatory lock-down requirements of 80s synth music, sports cars and golden toilets.

You’re still gonna need your own toilet paper, though. Everyone here wipes their arse with money.

Revenge of the Cartels is a free event for Borderlands 3 that runs from April 23 to June 4. It’s a rather short romp but offers impressive production values, with a new area, new enemies and new music. It takes place in a villa-style mansion suspended above a giant waterfall and surrounded by an immense natural landscape where dinosaurs wouldn’t look out of place. Continue reading “Borderlands 3 – Revenge of the 80s”

The Evil Within – Season Pass of Horrors

After taking control of the evil within myself, I sought out more forms of evil to overcome outside. I found the perfect challenge that comes in the form of a “Season Pass”, full of broken dreams and empty promises. The Evil Within has 3 single player DLC campaigns made after the launch of the game, and they are quite unique. I played through all three of them and thought I’d offer my thoughts. Was it worth it? Allow me to summarise my experience with each one. Continue reading “The Evil Within – Season Pass of Horrors”

Every Game has Flaws, Zelda has a Motorbike

Disgraceful, unforgivable motorbike sullying Link and The Legend of Zelda froever.

The Legends of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is a great game, by any measure one of the greatest ever made, but the final instalment of DLC inflicted the most egregious assault I’ve ever seen on a video game. At the end of an uneven extra quest Link is rewarded with a motorbike. I invite you on a personal journey with me to learn about why the bike is so bad, how it came to this, and the personal toll it inflicted on me.

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Forza 5 – Doing It Wrong (The Next-Generation Illusion)

The first next-gen racing simulator is arriving this month, and it features less tracks and cars than the previous game. Why is that? Developer Turn 10 has said in order to be a “next-gen” experience, everything must be up to quality standards of detail.

“We found that we ship a game that has over 200 cars, and they’re all to this level of detail with huge diversity. It’s been a successful program for us, having the paid DLC. Those that don’t want it don’t have to get it, and those that want it can buy it. The season pass allows them to buy it as a subscription.”

That Season Pass costs $50 US and just includes cars, with the first pack arriving Day 1. Connect these two very large dots in front of us right now, and we have a game that is designed to exploit your wallet. The next-gen experience.

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Pikmin 3 DLC – Doing It Right

The second pack of DLC for Pikmin 3 has arrived today and I’ve already spent a few hours with it. I just Platinum’d the second new stage and my brain is in recovery mode because it feels like I conquered the impossible! Each Mission opens with enemies scattered all over the map and assaults you with strategic possibilities from the start, it’s overwhelming and impossible to comprehend how to beat it at first glance. Slowly but surely the progression makes itself clear and little tricks and shortcuts begin to show themselves. “How many Pikmin do I need for this enemy? Can I run past it? Does my butt look big in this spacesuit?” The challenges in the DLC so far have been much harder than the initial 5 Mission Mode stages and I absolutely love Nintendo’s approach of using DLC to expand the gameplay mechanics.

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Pietriots U – Now PLAYABLE

We’re now live in HD. This is the future, except it’s already happened. Our new blue ocean strategy includes WIDESCREEN viewing for WIDE ASS sitting. Not only that, but we’re now playable in your hands with full 3D support. Welcome to Pietriots U, make yourselves at home and enjoy your stay! Here’s some Pullblox / Pushmo QR codes to start the day!

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“Durp!” – Capcom: “Durrr, no one plays handhelds anymore!”

Welcome to “Durp!”, a feature based around what there is far too much of: members of the gaming industry making completely and utterly retarded and/or unsubstantiated comments that make those with even the most minute amount of common sense or respect for gaming cringe in disgust.

And we’re going to start this with an absolute doozy from Capcom Interactive’s (a subsidiary of Capcom U.S.A. that produces mobile games) president and COO, Midori Yuasa…

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