Lifespeed – Ups & Downs

Exclusive to New 3DS, Lifespeed is a futuristic racer with a lot of speed, weapon powerups, a story mode, and online leaderboards. It’s the first game by Irish developer Wee Man Studios and a very ambitious concept to start your industry portfolio with. After extensive play I have to admit the game has a lot of flaws, but at its core the racing experience is very enjoyable.

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FAST Racing NEO – Future Pack DLC Bingo GX Deluxe Happy Times Zero Kart 8

The fastest download ever has hit the Wii U. I’m not joking, the Future Pack DLC for FAST Racing NEO clocks in at 13mb on the eShop, then somehow turns into a 2mb download on the HOME menu, then installs itself before you can even read the track list. What’s happening? Too late, we’re off.

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Mario Kart 8 – Livin’ That 200cc Life

Mario Kart 8‘s been out for a year now and it’s by far my most played Wii U game. Over 500 hours of swearing, exploding, green shell betrayal, banana intimacy, and blue shell disappointment. It’s been fantastic. I’m here to talk about the new 200cc mode, which has completely changed the online scene and revitalised the racing, almost more than the amazing new tracks. It’s a challenge when you’re first exposed to the speed, but that’s definitely not a bad thing in a competitive racing game. I’m gonna break down in 5 points, Mario Kart TV infomercial style, why it’s worth making the lifestyle change to 200cc.

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F-Zero: GP Legend – FALCON REVIEW!

It’s been 10 long years since Captain Falcon had a drive. Since then he’s been lurking in people’s homes, starting fights in different universes, and meeting people with strange haircuts. He’s kept himself busy but all these activities pale in comparison to the thrill of racing at 1200kph. He just hasn’t been himself lately, never truly comfortable when he’s out of the cockpit. Now in 2015 we’ve been given the chance to experience the last F-Zero game released outside Japan, as F-Zero: GP Legend debuts on Wii U’s Virtual Console. Still fresh from 2004, when nobody bought it and the franchise died in plain sight on retail shelves. Captain Falcon remains stuck there in the form of an Amiibo, but at least now we can pick up his machine and rediscover the thrill ourselves.

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Forza 5 – Doing It Wrong (The Next-Generation Illusion)

The first next-gen racing simulator is arriving this month, and it features less tracks and cars than the previous game. Why is that? Developer Turn 10 has said in order to be a “next-gen” experience, everything must be up to quality standards of detail.

“We found that we ship a game that has over 200 cars, and they’re all to this level of detail with huge diversity. It’s been a successful program for us, having the paid DLC. Those that don’t want it don’t have to get it, and those that want it can buy it. The season pass allows them to buy it as a subscription.”

That Season Pass costs $50 US and just includes cars, with the first pack arriving Day 1. Connect these two very large dots in front of us right now, and we have a game that is designed to exploit your wallet. The next-gen experience.

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Problems with F-Zero on Wii U

– no widescreen
– no replays
– can’t rewind time
– no EXP rewards
– corners aren’t graded
– no cockpit view
– no unlockables
– no advertising
– no day 1 patch
– no DLC store
– no tutorial
– no achievements
– no missions
– lack of career progression
– no garage
– no cutscenes
– no licensed music

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Nintendo E3 2011 Press Conference Premonition

People will call me a hippy when I say this but I’ve always felt a resonance with Nintendo consoles. They speak to me through channels I can’t describe. This isn’t some delusional fanboy shit – this is real hippy waves of energy that you just gotta feel, man. When Project Dolphin was announced I was living on a tropical island in the Pacific; when Project Revolution was announced I was a political activist; and for the past year or so I’ve worked as a barista.
Project Café.

Today I was working and thinking a lot about E3 and how it was going to change my life and give me new meaning and direction, man. I looked down at the latte I was making and there I saw it: everything I needed to know about Project Cafe. I was just like Agent Morgan from Deadly Premonition, ciphering messages from the milk and coffee. I stared at it in a trance and it all came to me. This is how it will take place at E3…

Agent Morgan
F.K in the coffee. it never fails.

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Trackmania Wii

Trackmania is pure racing. Fast, challenging, and rewarding. The game doesn’t waste any time, throwing track after track at you, hundreds of them. This is what makes the game unique, it lets you experience the thrill of mastering a new track over and over again. The races aren’t against real opponents, you’re racing against set times from ghost cars you can drive right through. The only physical thing you’re racing against in this game is the track. There’s 6 different types of track environments, all full of ridiculous paths, loops and jumps.


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