Code Name S.T.E.A.M. – The President Needs You

Abraham Lincoln has assigned me a special mission, to tell the world about Code Name S.T.E.A.M. and recruit world class soldiers to fight the alien menace. I’ve been deployed to the internet and there are aliens everywhere, destroying objects and devouring information before they can process it. It’s quite clear they aren’t here to talk. I can’t take them on alone so I’ve taken cover in the Pietriots Bunker to refill my STEAM tank. My health is low, I’ve got no coins and there’s no restore point here. It’s just me and this STEAM powered Typewriter, so I better get to work.

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Pokémon Picross

Pokémon Picross is Nintendo’s latest free to play puzzle game. I’ve been enjoying playing it over the Christmas-New Years break while travelling through southern Western Australia. My review could be simply ‘it’s picross, with Pokémon and free to play,’ but I’m going to write a little more explaining what picross is for those unfamiliar and detail my frustrations with the free to play economics of this particular title. Continue reading “Pokémon Picross” →

Snow Moto Racing 3D – Defrost Your Engines

Over the holidays I impulse-bought this game just to have a new racing game to play on 3DS while I was out. I wasn’t expecting too much but I’m very happy with it and I think it deserves some recognition. Zordix are not the biggest development team in the world but I really like their approach. Snow Moto Racing 3D is an enjoyable game that doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s fun to play and features a solid amount of content.

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Splatfest – Get Fresh Or Die Trying (EU/AUS)

A New Year is upon us and every Inkling is keen to make a fresh start to 2016. Today’s Splatfest is a war over riches and fitness as Team Money and Team Fitness battle it out. I have chosen Team Fitness because I am an honest fighter. The goal of “getting rich” has no personal meaning or existential benefit, and is simply the easy way out for Inklings with no self-worth. It is a temporary comfort that loses its freshness the second the ink dries out. I would rather die on the outside, than be dead inside. An Inkling’s respawn ability encourages growth and fitness, and as a member of Team Fitness I am not afraid to make a mess and put down those money grubbing squids no matter what the cost. Furthermore, Splatfests are about teamwork and Team Money quite simply are not trustworthy. In it for themselves, they are in for a rude awakening when their scattered team in-fighting is destroyed by the efficiency, strength and speed of Team Fitness. To aim for “richness” as a lifestyle is to drift away from freshness. Fitness however is freshness, and fighting for freshness is fighting for our very existence. If Team Money triumphs, the Inkopolis economy will collapse and prices in the plaza will quickly skyrocket due to greed. Eventually we’ll be buying gear off Spyke and the Sea Snail business will also crumble as a result. Without fresh gear and Sea Snails the Inklings can not stay fresh, and will go extinct. This is a battle for our existence as a species.

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Brain Training – Find Love In Minutes A Day

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I’ve been a naughty boy. Four long days, I have kept Dr Kawashima waiting, his game left unplayed on my Wii U. I tried to put him out of my mind and enjoy Xenoblade X, but his handsome face remained on the startup screen. His icon throbbing, yet welcoming. I couldn’t resist. I had to touch his face and boot up the game, just to feel that warmth I was missing. Nothing else could replace it. I expected a scolding for my absence, but he played it off with a cheerful razzing. He always does this, puts on an act. He’s trying his best to be strong and rational. However, behind that jolly facade I could feel the coldness in his eyes. The tears from those lonely nights had left his soul dry and empty. He needed me. He was seething on the inside, but his response was calculated. I didn’t know what to say.

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Splatfest – Pineapple Liberation (EU/AUS)

It’s a debate that’s raged for centuries. Wars have been fought over it. Entire civilisations have fallen. Since the dawn of time, squids have fought over whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. That’s right, the age old question. Does pineapple belong on pizza?  Ancient drawings from million year old squid civilisations depict a pizza with the pineapple being removed. Some say this proves it’s not an ingredient, others suggest the pineapple is being removed during the act of eating, and therefore part of the pizza. Pro-Pineapple Propaganda suggests it’s not even a true relic, but the work of Squid Satan. The true purpose of the pineapple remains a mystery, and this unanswered question has been responsible for untold bloodshed and inkloss throughout history. Today, it’s finally going to be answered in the most definitive way possible; a Splatfest.

I’ve joined team Anti-Pineapple because I am Pro-Freedom. “Pro-Pineapple” is founded on a lie, that pineapple has no place other than pizza. Pineapple should not be restricted to pizza, but have the right to be placed where ever is most convenient or appropriate. I believe the Squid Elders would have it no other way, and today, I will fight for that belief with a Splattershot in my hand, and pineapple juice in my blood. I am fighting for freedom.

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Don Bradman Cricket 14 is everything I dreamed a cricket game could be

Despite being one of the most popular sports in the world, cricket has rarely been reproduced in anything resembling a fun video game. The last good cricket games I played were the Beam Software developed Super International Cricket (SNES) and its followups on PC. Since sport sims embraced the third dimension cricket games have floundered, with only Codemasters and EA sporadically contracting third string development teams to churn out buggy, unplayable affairs. This is a shame because the first time I played an N64, fresh off my experience with Super International Cricket, I imagined a three dimensional cricket game with a dynamic camera and footwork based shot selection. After almost twenty years, Big Ant Studios have realised my dream.

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Yo-Kai Watch – Demo Impressions

That’s right, you’ve stumbled into a writeup of impressions of a free demo. It might seem a bit redundant but this game has a special charm to it I wanted to share, and a lot of people still don’t play free demos because being active is hard. If you have a 3DS and live in Australia or America (EU release date 2016), just close this now and download the demo yourself. It’s a comfy 858 blocks and gives you 15 plays which is more than enough to decide if you like it. It’s a good 20-30 minutes of walking around town looking for Yo-Kai.

The game’s awesome production values become apparent right away with a really cool cutscene of a boy uncovering something in a dark forest. The animation is well-done and it creates a sense of wonder right off the bat. This picture is the exact quality on the 3DS screen.

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Affordable Space Adventures – Ureview Travel Guide

Back in April, the company Uexplore released an affordable way to travel through space on the Wii U eShop. Seems hard to believe, but after an interview with Uexplore it turns out to be the real deal. There’s an alien world called Spectaculon and it’s only 23 light years away from Earth. They are offering the chance to explore this mostly uncharted world, with the promise that we can claim any land we discover. I’ve taken them up on the offer, and how could you not? This spacecraft is SWEET, man! Sure it has a few problems, but it’s passed every safety test, and recorded accidents are very low. I don’t know the specifics, but they sounded very convincing and official. I’m currently docked at a Uexplore station and it’s been one hell of a ride so far. I have a lot of time to kill in this spacecraft because I traveled quite far, so I’m faxing this review of my experience back to Earth. I trust it will reach the Uexplore company office and they’ll distribute it to Pietriots and friends. I’ll call it the “Ureview Travel Guide”. Hehe, they’ll like that.

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Look and Feel: The first 4 hours of Xenoblade Chronicles X

Getting my feet wet in Mira, the world of Xenoblade Chronicles X, took a lot more effort than usual. Although recently unemployed, with limitless freedom in front of me, the game’s release coincided with my partner and I packing up for a month away from our cosy inner-city apartment. Arriving at my parent’s house in the flood prone swamp lands of Busselton, I discovered the internet speeds of my hometown have not kept up with the developed world and have intact regressed due to the ageing copper interchanges slowly rusting away. It took over 30 hours to complete the 20GB installation, 30 hours I mostly spent complaining to unsympathetic ears on Miiverse where people told me to “just buy a physical copy” or “get a job”. Compounding matters further there’s only one television and my Mum hates video games so I didn’t get any game time in until everyone went off to their respective workplaces this morning. The four hours I did get to play though, were spectacular.

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Phantom Hourglass HD Edition – Sailing the 192p Seas

WAHOOOO!! With a well-timed jump over an Octorok spike trap, Phantom Hourglass has landed on the Wii U Virtual Console in Europe and Australia. Unfortunately it has not made its way to America yet, but I’m sure the fog will lift soon. There’s a lot of baddies out on the ocean so you have to plot a course carefully. Let’s get to the point, a DS game on Wii U, what is this madness? Linebeck hid in the corner, he was scared of this new experience. How do two screens work on the TV? Is it functional? Could it be amazing? I’ve just completed the game and yes, it’s pretty fucken playable. I had an absolute blast with the ship’s cannon, ahahahaha. Linebeck told me that joke I swear. The game is pretty good too. This writeup is going to explain how DS games play on Wii U, and why Phantom Hourglass itself is special.

To the SHIP!!

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