escapeVektor – Chapter 1

escapeVektor is a new game on WiiWare from Australian developers Nnooo. It’s hard to compare to anything because this is a brand new gameplay concept. It’s like Pac-Man, with cannons, switches, boosting, scoring depth, and a personality. The concept has you controlling Vektor, a human who somehow got converted to computer code and is now stuck inside a CPU with no memories left, except his ability to code, of course. Now you have to capture cells in each level to escape the CPU and figure out what’s going on. escapeVektor is an intense, engaging gameplay experience that nobody should miss out on.

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“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 3

ZOMBIES!  ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE THEY ARE ALL OVER ME GET THEM OFF!   OH GOD THEY ARE IN MY PANTS NOW IN MY PAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

And now for something completely the same:  Batch 3 of our Dead Island Durpthrough.  The second vid is the last “full” clip I’m uploading, because it’s pretty boring sitting around through the bunch of NOTHING the game tosses at us just to get to the interesting parts (where Ferny and I do crazy shit).  From then on are edited bits of chaos and stupidity.  Enjoy!

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“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 2

Ferny and I have been cranking time into this game (mostly to just get the damn thing over with), so this time there are four videos as opposed to three!  What to look forward to in our latest adventures:

~ Our desperate attempt to find ANY (non-gun) weapons!
~ More jerk-offs who have nothing better to do than shoot at other survivors!
~ A cameo by a member of the Banoi Hockey Team!
~ Dispatching of looters just ’cause!
~ Ferny blowing me up…AGAIN…!
~ A tranny wanting us to put posters of him up around town!
~ Me blowing Ferny up for a change!
~ Endlessly spawning Infected!
~ Our fear of falling from heights of up to TEN FEET!
~ Ferny’s exquisite driving skills!
~ OOOOOO, CHAMPAGNE!
~ Ferny and I dying plenty of times!
~ Oh, and zombies…Lots and lots and lots of zombies!

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“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 1

Hey, Bill here.  I’ve been gone for a very…very long time for a number of issues including me becoming Dr. Bill, being out of town, and me just being a lazy bastard in general.  So hopefully now that things have stabilized a bit I’m hoping I can post more material.  One thing in particular I would like to do more of in the future is game “durpthroughs.”  Durpthroughs, because I don’t have the time, nor patience, nor attention span, to record footage for an entire play through a whole game.  Instead you’ll get random clips of me (and whoever is unlucky enough to play with me for co-op sessions) durping through whatever I feel like playing or showing off at the time, either due to me being impressed with how good the game is, or how bad it is. The first game I’m doing this with is Dead Island, which has already gotten plenty of bad press since its release over its terrible balancing, multitude of glitches, and it just not being a very polished game altogether.  I managed to trick Infernal into buying the game as well, and after a number of technical issues getting footage (including mic problems, audio woes, and hell, even just joining each other in-game), we finally managed to pull it together. So toss a bag of popcorn in the microwave, pop open a fresh can of legitimate cola, and watch as Infernal and myself stumble through and make fools of ourselves in Dead Island after the break.  Enjoy!

NOT A HYPERLINK HURRRRR!

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The Capcom Five – Video Memorial

NEVER FORGET

Before they cancelled Mega Man Legends 3, before they ignored Wii Pointer controls in Monster Hunter Tri, before they rewarded Resident Evil fans with rail shooters, before Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop could handle 6 zombies at once, before they announce Resident Evil: Revelations including the free Mercenaries HD for PS Vita launching simultaneously with the 3DS version (hi-ho 2012 release date) – Capcom presented… THE FIVE.

Never one to forget 3rd Party achievements, I put this little post together to help last generation’s players and this gen’s newcomers remember the pain for years to come. Actually, before rambling about the quintet’s history that everyone’s heard before, I want to bring attention to the titles as they were announced: by sharing nice-quality versions of their debut trailers (well, 4 out of 5 of them). If we’ll remember ANY of it, let’s at least see clean copies of them; one last face-to-face before closing the casket. I know you can search for the moldy Flash videos originating from Matt C.’s IGN, but try to have some respect for the departed. Those videos came from a time when magazine, internet, and even Nintendo’s own coverage made “good” GameCube games look crappy.

Tracking down known copies of these trailers a couple years ago took some time and $rupees$. My search was narrowed to a couple auctions for rare promo DVDs from Japan, eventually making some sellers very happy. In addition, I managed to gather almost all the promo videos for these games since their announcement. One last step (took forever), each video was processed piece by piece – deinterlacing, cropping out blank borders, scaling the frames for consistency – whenever reasonable, trying to help them look their best. It’s only these past couple months that I seriously sat down to finish converting this junk. When hobbies start to feel like work… I tend to avoid them. Recently feeling an urgent sense of justice, I could delay no more.

So here’s what I got: a few custom screencaps, my personal thoughts/description of each game at inconsistent degrees of relevance, and links to the DivX-formatted media on my homepage. But seriously, I went overboard, so don’t read all of it.

This first one up was the first one to go down

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Retroactive Video Updates

For citizens that like their online video to look like mud, I embedded clips into some old articles to help (quickly) illustrate the points I was trying to make (some dining establishments have pictures in their menus for a reason, right?). Trying to make a habit out of this to be consistent with future poasts.

You’re playing it wrong – The Crystal Bearers


Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz FPS Videos


Whatever the hell YouTube’s 480p setting is… isn’t. >=[

Conduit 2 Wiimote Controls

I guess the timing is right to present the sequel to our Conduit/GoldenEye Wiimote Controls – my control settings for the first Conduit adapted to the sequel to The Conduit, which isn’t exactly The Conduit 2, but simply Conduit 2, a.k.a. DUKE NUKEM’s official return to video games. (The previous Note still applies, so keep those conditions in mind) My controls are geared toward an exploration/realism perspective, so it’s probably not the l337 onrine FPS’ing scheme suited to all those childish twitch-turning high-jumping strafe-running genre conventions that you were hoping to employ. I am raging infinity suns, but it’s not how I play shooty games.

Fortunately, this project includes somewhat less ranting and more explanation/analysis. Read on for screens/details and technical issues the gaming press probably didn’t mention in the reviews.

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Random QR Codes

This is a handful of Miis created by our staff. Many of these had been given birth during the magickal 2006 Holiday Season. In a short time, they became self-aware and now possess souls (some taken from small children).

If 3DS has cameras on both sides, who’s scanning who?

Update – 2011/12/30

Update – 2012/07/19

Update – 2013/01/17

random_qr4

Update – 2015/06/26

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… and don’t forget the REAL Reggie Mii