Monkey Wars. FPS deathmatch gameplay on Wii. Available at launch. Playable with your Wii Remote. Monkeys killing each other with blasters and fresh produce. Understood?
(DivX video link at end of post)
I hardly played this minigame. Seriously. You’ll see my results were a little better in the second video than the first, simply becuz my first failure automatically served as practice for my second try. Victory makes the girl raccoon monkey thing happy (wtf is she?). In any case, I felt it was important to revisit this piece of history after spending quality time with The Conduit and Red Steel 2.
MONKEY WARS was the first true, decent FPS experience on Wii: and it happened to be a freaking MINIGAME in a collection of MINIGAMES that came with a game about MONKEYS rolling in freaking BALLS in search of freaking BANANAS.
This was the first real, tho little-known, indication of the great potential of free-moving shooters on Wii (and shooting gameplay that desires to break away from the handicaps/training wheels of gamepads and computer desks in general). The controls were tight, the camera was smooth, and the framerate was solid. It got these basic, essential elements RIGHT despite being a MINIGAME inside a freaking LAUNCH GAME for Wii, the favorite console of 3rd Party Publishers that love to dump their shit on it.
Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz arrived at the very start, NINE PREGNANT MONTHS before Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, and an entire YEAR before Medal of Honor: Heroes 2. There’s an even longer wait until The Conduit and Red Steel 2 even later. Aside from the preceding exceptions, why did other 3rd Parties flop around so long before getting a clue? Why are those 3rd Parties so BAD at following GOOD examples? Why are those 3rd Parties so GOOD at following BAD ones? It took Activision one James Bond title (Quantum of Salty Ass), two Call of WWII Rehash projects, and one prehistoric shitfest, Jurassic: The Hunted, before making something almost playable in their subsequent Call of Downgrade 4: Could’ve Been On-Rails project, Modern Borefare: Reflex. What the hell. And let’s not talk about the Ubisoft “FPS” “products” I tried and threw out after an hour of fury and suffering the 3 B’s: bad controls, bad camera, and butt-churning graphics.
The older Banana Blitz gets, the older Wii gets, the more worthless and shameful those 3rd Parties become. “Slow and steady” fills the toilet, but “fast and furious” gives these companies a smile of relief knowing they figured out the “Wii audience,” sat down, and gave the pearly white machine their “best shot.” Worst part is they pointed out what they dumped and announced they were proud of it. Yes, their turds deserve press releases.
Note: Screens were taken from compressed videos; videos were made from direct feed 480p source.