“These f’**k noobs are gonna get us all killed.” – wiseguy69
That was the first thing I heard when I played Resident Evil Resistance. First week of its release, two of us were level 1 in our first game, someone was level 3, and this one person with voice chat was level 7. None of us had a clue what was going on, and this level 7 expert was constantly whining instead of helping. Needless to say, we all died and nobody enjoyed it. Welcome to Resident Evil Online.
Continue reading “Resident Evil Resistance – Itchy. Tasty. Laggy.”
ZombiU opens with uncertainty. Just what the hell are we getting into? Is the game good, bad, scary, ugly, beautiful? Music plays with a scattered melody as a man stands alone. Sweat drips from his face as the hopelessness of his situation sinks in, he’s surrounded. He threatens to give the scene a 4 out of 10, but the zombies pay no mind. They walk the streets with lopsided confidence. They know how dangerous they are, and soon everyone will.
Continue reading “ZombiU – The World Ends With U”
Hi everyone! What’s the next activity on the schedule? Schedule? Screw that! There is none, we’re on HOLIDAY! I just don’t feel like doing anything. So far we’ve already wet ourselves, gone skateboarding and sniffed some petrol. It’s time for a break. In this article, I’m going to introduce you to the game outside the games, in the game system. Go Vacation features 4 different resorts to roam around in: Marine, City, Mountain, and Snow, all with their own style and appropriately themed activities. The resorts are how you find each mini-game – walk around and you’ll see icons above peoples heads, inviting you to activities. However, there’s much more here than a simple hub for the games: the resorts are vast and contain many nice views and secrets.
Your character controls like any standard third person adventure game: simple analog stick movements to walk around and B to jump. It’s not exactly Mario levels of interaction, but movement is smooth and polished and the animation is consistent. Running is pretty slow however, and if you tried to run around an entire resort on foot it would take forever, so thankfully there’s different forms of transport lying around. If there’s water, you can bet there’s either a kayak or jet-ski nearby. On land, there’s either a motor vehicle, skateboard, or snowboard to speed things up, or even a horse. The game does well to make the transport always accessible; you can teleport to key areas of the map (Xenoblade style) and pick any vehicle you want from a quick menu. Namco has made sure there will be NO discomfort on this vacation!
Continue reading “Free Roaming – Go Vacation”
I really wanted to do a special Halloween Durpthrough of a random horror game in my collection, giving you all an uncensored, uncut look into how much I freak out when I’m playing a REAL horror game. Unfortunately, I currently sound like a frog being cranked through a meat grinder thanks to the horrible timing of a heinous mix of bronchitis and laryngitis. So instead of something that might have been good, you get the final batch of Dead Island clips.
I completely skipped recording the prison section of the game right before the final boss because, well, I was sick of recording at the time, and didn’t realize we were so close to the end. It’s not like you missed anything anyway.
So enjoy our last leg through the jungle, our bout with the ultimate worst final boss this generation, and finally the ridiculous closure (or lack thereof) of this miserable pile of pumpkin snot. The horror…THE HORROR!
Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: BATCH 5 FINAL”
Ferny and I have been cranking time into this game (mostly to just get the damn thing over with), so this time there are four videos as opposed to three! What to look forward to in our latest adventures:
~ Our desperate attempt to find ANY (non-gun) weapons!
~ More jerk-offs who have nothing better to do than shoot at other survivors!
~ A cameo by a member of the Banoi Hockey Team!
~ Dispatching of looters just ’cause!
~ Ferny blowing me up…AGAIN…!
~ A tranny wanting us to put posters of him up around town!
~ Me blowing Ferny up for a change!
~ Endlessly spawning Infected!
~ Our fear of falling from heights of up to TEN FEET!
~ Ferny’s exquisite driving skills!
~ OOOOOO, CHAMPAGNE!
~ Ferny and I dying plenty of times!
~ Oh, and zombies…Lots and lots and lots of zombies!
Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 2”
Hey, Bill here. I’ve been gone for a very…very long time for a number of issues including me becoming Dr. Bill, being out of town, and me just being a lazy bastard in general. So hopefully now that things have stabilized a bit I’m hoping I can post more material. One thing in particular I would like to do more of in the future is game “durpthroughs.” Durpthroughs, because I don’t have the time, nor patience, nor attention span, to record footage for an entire play through a whole game. Instead you’ll get random clips of me (and whoever is unlucky enough to play with me for co-op sessions) durping through whatever I feel like playing or showing off at the time, either due to me being impressed with how good the game is, or how bad it is. The first game I’m doing this with is Dead Island, which has already gotten plenty of bad press since its release over its terrible balancing, multitude of glitches, and it just not being a very polished game altogether. I managed to trick Infernal into buying the game as well, and after a number of technical issues getting footage (including mic problems, audio woes, and hell, even just joining each other in-game), we finally managed to pull it together. So toss a bag of popcorn in the microwave, pop open a fresh can of legitimate cola, and watch as Infernal and myself stumble through and make fools of ourselves in Dead Island after the break. Enjoy!
Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 1”