The REGGIE SERIES is BACK, barely ahead of some JRPG that a handful of psychos cried for. NOA REGGIE ignored their grievances, spending his time more wisely by Wii-Playing with himself.
It’s been more than a year since Wii Play: Motion arrived, and like it or not, it offered a few glimpses of near-future gameplay elements Nintendo demonstrated in 2011 via 3DS and the upcoming Wii U. It explored additional curiosities beyond Wii Sports Resort, bringing another variety of “basic” motion concepts to life with effective results. Shamefully, the MotionPlus possibilities were hardly revisited in the context of more “complete” products by other game makers (aside from disastrous gimmicks on other systems) until the release of Skyward Sword. Wii Play: Motion is not robust – this 12-mini-game demo pack was never priced to be – but it is somewhat diverse, and some mini-games surprisingly have a lot more content than others (the very term “mini-game” is a bit misleading, making it sound like a one-shot deal worth only a minute before moving on to something new; each activity has a varying number of single and/or multiplayer modes, stages, and difficulty like its predecessor), but you can’t really count on journalists like GI-GN’s Gerstmasamassina to share useful information, can you. To top it off, these itty-bitty games actually work – no privacy-invading webcams and neon balls to calibrate.
Anyway, I have some inappropriate video and gameplay to observe. Reggie demonstrates.
Cone Zone – Iwata CO-OP
Reggie wants a snack and he means business. Satoru Iwata shows up to see what that “insatiable” appetite was all about.
Modes: Scoop Mode – balancing game for up to 2 players, stacking your scoops to the stars; Swirl Mode – 1 player, disturbing and detailed physics, so don’t imagine it pouring out of someone’s ass, but there’s a limited amount so I guess you’re judged on style, who knows.
Reggie smashes intruders in search of organic Nintendo produce. Punt-a-Mole for your Wiimote Plus.
Modes: Guard Mode – defensive single player Punt-a-Mole; Versus Mode – Punt-a-Mole for up to 4 players in the same screen, punting fast for points; Recall Mode – single player memory game like Skull Kid’s ocarina game – but with punting.
Reggie tosses fan requests then sends E.T. home. An alternative to Wii Sports Resort’s Frisbee mechanics.
Modes: Skip Mode – pollute Lake Wuhu with your localization petitions, with up to 4 players taking turns; Score Mode – skip a stone through rings and point targets: you’ve got 5 throws, 5 crazy courses, and up to 4 players.
Pose Mii Plus
Reggie in provocative positions flying thru HYPERSPACE. A bit of ThruSpace with Skyward Sword “boss key” manipulation – wield the Regginator in your very hands.
Modes: Up to 2 players can free their inner scientologist at the same time.
Yuji Naka was either ahead of his time, or getting ahead of himself. Prope brought us gyro-FPS “light gun” gameplay without the crucial “personal window” provided by a 3DS handheld or a Wii U GamePad, frequently asking you to lock your eyes onto the TV while pointing the Wii Remote in some wild off-screen direction. The awkward visual-physical contradiction will interest some or turn-off others. I was honestly hoping for a much more natural and precise shooting experience with the enhanced hardware.
That said, the 3 stages offered are actually cool – fun targets and patterns with exciting, lovingly Mii-styled arcadey settings and solid presentation.
Modes: Up to 2 players can tangle Wiimotes in this co-op shooter, cuz Yuji Naka likes more than one hand.
Jump Park – Iwata CO-OP
NOA REGGIE and President Iwata in a typical day at the office, deciding which games to localize.
Modes: Gem Hunt – up to 2 players can bounce in the privacy of their padded room; the other mode – ???; I’m not casual enough to unlock it yet.
Reggie bouncing balls and wrecking wood with the utmost precision. Surprisingly large/good-enough number of stages compared to other mini-games, and the challenge is constant; with the meager level of success I managed, it felt like it could go on forever. Full-fist non-casual gameplay.
Modes: Challenge Mode – balls and wood for 1 player; Versus Mode – 2-player competitive teetering; Endless Mode – try to flip the ball around FOREVER, choice of 3 maddening stages, for 1 player.
Reggie catches freeloading game journalists and traps them in a GameCube. Like Yuji Naka’s Trigger Twist, you see the screen but aim all around you almost blindly, but the Mii’s give you hints and the Wiimote speaker acts as a proximity meter, and works well as a hot/cold search instead of a direct action game.
Modes: Up to 4 players share the same room, competing for catches in a first-yank-first-bank basis, and a choice of 3 stages with increasing ecto-excitement.
Reggie rides the wind in this successor to 3D Sonic games. You’d hope this was Yuji Naka’s latest classic, successfully combining Mary Poppins with the X Games. But seriously, steering runs on the same principles of MotionPlus swordplay, and could’ve easily enabled some kind of umbrella-themed combat game.
Modes: Solo Mode – 1 player, 3 stages, with the whole screen and whole track all to yourself; Versus Mode – 2-player point-based racing; Long Jump – up to 4 players taking turns to fly until their eventual death; the other mode – ???; I’m not casual enough, yet.
Reggie dives deep for alternative revenue streams. If you’re clever (or not some entitled casual-hating psycho “Nintendo fan”) you’ll try to innovate the way YOU play games (the Monster Hunter “claw” doesn’t count) and find better ways of handling the Wii Remote to enhance your performance (or hey – to have fun by experimenting). Really, I don’t mean anything like Wii Bowling from a couch with other paid journalists to get broken results that accurately reflect broken players (utterly stupid shit, we know; thanks for raising the bar and tarding-out beneath it this gen, Gaming Press). Figuring out a less obvious but effective twirling action in this mini-game is one of those moments…
At the same time, it’s truly sad that people cried about having to “shake” a controller in a 2D platformer, yet reveal their idea of “waggle” REALLY WAS to “hoist turnips” and “upend tea tables” in the most desperate gestures imaginable. I don’t think they’re ready to graduate from the Sixaxis. Gaming is leaving them behind with good reason, those kids are aware of it, and they just cry louder.
Modes: Solo Mode – 1 player, 4 depth-defying stages, and no Linebeck in sight; Partner Mode – 2 players work together to haul massive fortunes to the surface – your efforts made New Super Mario Bros. 2 possible.
Reggie fly in the skyyyyy, he can go twice as hiiiiigh. A little like the “bubble” stages of Super Mario Galaxy, but not nearly as mature as the cosmic plumber. Using the Balloon Fight fighters as avatars, at the risk of rendering their horrible deaths, would’ve been rad. Yes.
Modes: Solo Mode – 1 player flip-flappin’ around 4 different stages; Versus Mode – 2 players share the screen and race to the finish line.
Star Shuttle – Drunken Reggie
Reggie’s office is running out of room to store more names, so he goes into space to casually build the International Ass Station. Movement is similar to Steel Diver, typically thrusting your craft out of control. You make adjustments for different directions, placing yourself in the mercy of free-floating space physics. Unfortunately, there are no Reggie Squadron space battles in this construction project.
Modes: Solo Mode – 1 player ferries parts across a massively damaging 30 stages – again, a surprising amount of content that the Modern Gamer isn’t qualified to access nor motivated enough to attempt due the complete absence of Achievements/Trophies in this game; Versus Mode – 2 players (working for a 3rd Party contractor) race to deliver their respective parts or face layoffs.
If you got sick of the whole Wuhu World and Mii Motion philosophy by this time last year, you were more than welcome to trade-in your Wii systems and kiddy franchises you never loved as early as 2008 and indulge in some Kinect Star Wars or other similarly engaging wand-waving spellcasting gimmick. You should’ve quit gaming when you had the chance – you’ve got nowhere to go, and you foolishly buy crap without thinking anyway, according to Michael Pachter.
“All aboard for NINTENDO LAND. Leave your name here and I’ll get your ass there.”
Have a bonus Reggie video:
Note: Videos provided by Pro Daisy and Grubdog.
Wii Play: Motion – Reggie Play, 13 60fps Videos (DivX)