Metal Gear Solid 4 – Do you require Nanomachines™ in your diet? (WARNING: STORY SPOILERS)

MGS4

In the world of Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, if you have convoluted plot-devices from previous games in that series that had no answers to the questions raised, then you can fix that problem with Nanomachines™! With Nanomachines™, you can keep killer diseases like cancer at bay, make your military units competent and/or zombies who can shoot things somehow, and explain ridiculous plot devices that destroyed any writing creditability you had circa pre-2001! And thanks to this being the final Metal Gear Solid title (ahahaha nope not really), Solid Snake gets the send off he deserves. Wait, no, he didn’t. That’s what most of Kojima’s blind-fanbase truly believes (like thinking Cyborg Raiden is a good character); in actuality, this is one of the most hateful games I’ve ever played. Unlike Metroid: Other M, which had an equally stupid storyline with gameplay-intrupting cutscenes that also had questionable character development, MGS4 did whatever it could to piss me off… and no, the 2012 patch doesn’t help matters either. Continue reading “Metal Gear Solid 4 – Do you require Nanomachines™ in your diet? (WARNING: STORY SPOILERS)”

Reggie Play: Motion – Videos

The REGGIE SERIES is BACK, barely ahead of some JRPG that a handful of psychos cried for. NOA REGGIE ignored their grievances, spending his time more wisely by Wii-Playing with himself.

It’s been more than a year since Wii Play: Motion arrived, and like it or not, it offered a few glimpses of near-future gameplay elements Nintendo demonstrated in 2011 via 3DS and the upcoming Wii U. It explored additional curiosities beyond Wii Sports Resort, bringing another variety of “basic” motion concepts to life with effective results. Shamefully, the MotionPlus possibilities were hardly revisited in the context of more “complete” products by other game makers (aside from disastrous gimmicks on other systems) until the release of Skyward Sword. Wii Play: Motion is not robust – this 12-mini-game demo pack was never priced to be – but it is somewhat diverse, and some mini-games surprisingly have a lot more content than others (the very term “mini-game” is a bit misleading, making it sound like a one-shot deal worth only a minute before moving on to something new; each activity has a varying number of single and/or multiplayer modes, stages, and difficulty like its predecessor), but you can’t really count on journalists like GI-GN’s Gerstmasamassina to share useful information, can you. To top it off, these itty-bitty games actually work – no privacy-invading webcams and neon balls to calibrate.

Anyway, I have some inappropriate video and gameplay to observe. Reggie demonstrates.

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Krystal Media Blowout – Screens and Videos

Special thanks to Deguello for providing me with explicit, uncensored access to the best moments of the StarFox franchise. This update would not be possible without him.

Let us celebrate – the release of StarFox 64 3D? NO! I don’t give a crap. This is about KRYSTAL – those eyes, that accent, that fur. I finally finished capturing the StarFox Adventures media I originally started years ago, but almost abandoned because I didn’t want to play it again to get to the critical parts (got so busy with all the casual games).

Aside from her cutscenes, some of the screenshots have great facial expressions and can be taken out of context. All this, for the sake of archiving high-quality media of Rare’s surviving legacy (maybe Retro can make a Krystal game for Wii U?). The content is stored on my homepage; see the links at the bottom.

…(deep in thought)…

Continue reading “Krystal Media Blowout – Screens and Videos”

TrackMania Wii – Wi-Fi Videos Part 3

FapMania – Australia-America Wi-Fi Connection

Pro was not prepared for this

More highlights of NOA REGGIE terrorizing TrackMania Wi-Fi some weekends ago. Grubdog, Infernal Monkey, and Pro Daisy were there to stare DEATH IN THE FACE.

Continue reading “TrackMania Wii – Wi-Fi Videos Part 3”

TrackMania Wii – Wi-Fi Videos Part 2

FapMania – Australia-America Wi-Fi Connection

More highlights of NOA REGGIE terrorizing TrackMania Wi-Fi some weekend ago. Grubdog, Infernal Monkey, and Pro Daisy were there to stare DEATH IN THE FACE.

Continue reading “TrackMania Wii – Wi-Fi Videos Part 2”

TrackMania Wii – Wi-Fi Videos Part 1

FapMania – Australia-America Wi-Fi Connection

Highlights of NOA REGGIE terrorizing TrackMania Wi-Fi some weekend ago. Grubdog, Infernal Monkey, and Pro Daisy were there to witness his mania. We said, “WOW.”

Continue reading “TrackMania Wii – Wi-Fi Videos Part 1”

Speed, FlatOut Videos

I get the feeling low-budget (that “b” word! please don’t panic) titles like Speed and FlatOut are genuine curiosities for a small number of people (all 5 of them?). They’re probably cautiously fascinated by a couple other Zoo Games titles or ANYTHING new under $20-25. They’re interested in “experiencing animals”, but only while the beasts are locked up in a cage; that sort of thing. At the same time, the regular gaming press tends to avoid budget games, leaving any [honest] coverage in the hands of YouTube users and Amazon customer reviews – brave, regular people.

Inspired by their courage, I’ve captured a few gameplay videos (60fps) of Speed and FlatOut to provide a more detailed look than what the Flash videos typically allow. Despite being “cheap” games, their core aspects are surprisingly solid, and hopefully some of it shows. Consider it a late follow-up to our Speed/FlatOut write-ups.

(video link at end of post)

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Reggie Kart Videos – E3 2010

Join Reggie as he celebrates the first night of E3 2010: new software announcements, 3DS, ZELDASS, glorious sales data — all this excitement rapidly increases Reggie’s appetite. Surrounded by so many “game journalists,” Reggie can’t wait to thickly forge his foot against their flabby seats. Deep down, your behind is still sore from last year’s celebration. Punt.

(video link at end of post)Reggie disapproves of any DK-themed track.

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Reggie Kart Videos – E3 2009

Drive down memory lane and relive past glory as NOA REGGIE thickly forges another year of Expanded Audience Gaming. The smell of E3 journalists and 3rd Party Shameware is in the air, summoning Reggie to storm the online kart network and celebrate the Casual Consumer Conference — Reggie’s annual tradition, documented thru the wizardy of cyberspace video.

Join Reggie as he celebrates countless servings of SORE ASS on the EVE OF E3 2009. How does Reggie relax and prepare for the show floor after flexing his Casual Might during the press conference? He cracks open a beer then TAKES NAMES on the worldwide kart circuit. Then he gets more beer and watches the replays.

(video link at end of post)
Reggie can be in two places at once. A single Mii cannot contain him.

Things take on interesting turn on the SECOND NIGHT OF E3 2009 as he patrols the worldwide servers for ASS in the name of justice. What did Reggie encounter?

Continue reading “Reggie Kart Videos – E3 2009”