Well, it’s official – I am a filthy casual kiddy grandma gimmick gamer, intent on ruining the secret underground club of hardcore. Thanks to the 3DS’ heavenly OCD ability to keep track of absolutely everything you play, it turns out I’ve put just a bit of time into Hudson’s humble little DSiWare title Tetris Party Live.
Continue reading “Tetris sure knows how to throw the loneliest parties”
Ladies and gentlemen, I have or had a problem. I kept thinking to myself, “What game should I review for Pietriots since I want to be my unprofessional self rather then an in-depth reviewer?” Well SEGA decided to give me an answer in the form of an extremely fun Saturn classic given an HD re-release… actually, scratch that; an extremely fun Saturn classic given what was originally a PS2 make-over, never released outside of Japan for almost six years but then deciding since they have no money left to fund anything just upscale the damn game. Continue reading “NiGHTS into dreams HD: Simple game, stupid analog mess up, short review”
Homefront is THQ’s answer to a question nobody asked; why can’t we have more games about war? There isn’t enough violence in the world according to THQ, so they’ve made up a new scenario for this game. It takes place in 2027 and apparently Korea has been terrorising the world for 15 years because they’re Korea. The game starts off with 3 Korean soldiers attacking you and acting smug, before they push you down some stairs and lock you in a bus. There’s a “normal” dude you’ve never met waiting on the bus and he acts like you’re his homeboy. The bus gets going and you’re forced to look outside through the window, with a locked camera that makes sure you see all the brutality happening on the streets. Korean soldiers are hitting people for fun, explosions are going off, children are crying, slaves are being prodded in a line. Apparently this has been going on for a decade, but seemingly everything happens at once right as the bus goes by. Are we having fun yet?
The past week has been an eye-opener. It seems Wii U has exposed a lot of people in the media who don’t play games, with a string of lazy reviews copied from a press release or previous version of the game. It’s a tough life playing games for a living, especially during a console launch when there’s just too many games to play! Just thinking about all those games makes me sick, so I’ve put together a quick guide to help struggling journalists get through this tough time.
While Americans have been updating their Wii U’s and drawing dicks in Nintendo Land, I’ve been playing GrooveRider, the best slot car game ever made. Browsing the Playstation Store I noticed this PS2 classic for $8 with an average user review of 4.5 stars. Could a slot car game really be that good? Sure, why not? I downloaded it immediately without even consulting the internet, because that’s the kind of risk worth taking.
are you that guy
Seems unbalanced.
Pretty hard according to this clown, Ryan Mccaffrey at IGN. Don’t click it, they don’t deserve the hits. It’s a review of Ninja Gaiden 3 on Wii U, not just any review but the first one on the internet!
Here’s here to help.
CONNECTIVITY.
Gameplay advice, on your GamePad.
While they’re fun to work up an increased heart rate to over the internet, video games can cost a lot of money. This is not much of a secret; it wouldn’t be worthy of a TV special. Video games are typically much more expensive than a bag of ice, but less than three blocks of LEGO. With new release titles costing an average of $625,000 each, plus additional day-one paid DLC (to unlock access beyond their title screen) in the vicinity of three million dollars, just what can a mere $10 get you these days?
Continue reading “I’ve got $10, let’s go game shopping – November 2012”
The Wii Remote & Nunchuk was last generation’s innovation in violence – still strong today, still better than the competition. This was the method of controlling the last true console Resident Evil experience the world would know: The Umbrella Chronicles.
For the previous console cycle, there’s a seldom-stated lesson Capcom briefly learned (see RE4:Wii) then immediately forgot (see their “HD” games): if you’re pretending to KILL in a video game, do it properly. It’s just a shame we don’t have to pretend anymore: modern games, such as Capcom’s premiere action series, have gotten so smart that they play themselves (step aside Super Guide). The games don’t hesitate to handle much of the excitement on their own, and work hard to convince us that quick-button-context-flashback-retrospection-cutscene was an artistic achievement (“Best QTE of 2012,” is there such a thing?). Opponents of violent gaming love to point out how video games “teach kids how to kill”, but I know that’s rubbish cuz most games suck at that, especially as more games suck at being games. It’s supposed to be like watching a movie, right? Why not an effing GAME? Thru these last couple generations of analog masturbation, popular shooters have more or less surpassed “REALISTIC EVERYTHING” – nevermind the gameplay. And in a (not really) fun twist, “more realism” cheerfully graduated to “more Hollywood”; new gameplay became movies that look like gameplay. “Wow, it’s like playing a game,” – thanks, my confidence in the new generation is at an all-time high.
Before proceeding, I want to be clear that the major ideas in the blocks of text below don’t necessarily apply to every genre or gameplay mechanic. Many of our favorites are derived from things like tennis, team sports, board games, gambling, mazes, vehicles, boxing puppets, and Donkey Kong – there’s no reason to mess with certain core elements. However, TANGIBLE VIRTUAL VIOLENCE has a raw, engrossing quality that the majority of the Industry has not been interested in embracing for some time; fluid human movements seek the spillage of human fluid, yet they insist gamers don’t like movement and just seek Mountain Dew. Trapped in the game industry’s electronic erection contest, the prestigious computing “arms race”, we continue enduring their fake war: fake gameplay and fake value. Cash and companies continue to perish in the high-priced struggle to show violence; rarely do we see genuine imagination towards playing violence. It doesn’t have to be this way; we can still search for decency. Aim off-screen and raise your real arms to rediscover what’s in front of you: the gameplay in your hands.
/wii joke
He’ll buy them at a hiiiigh price.
Pietriots 