Nintendo E3 2011 Press Conference Premonition

People will call me a hippy when I say this but I’ve always felt a resonance with Nintendo consoles. They speak to me through channels I can’t describe. This isn’t some delusional fanboy shit – this is real hippy waves of energy that you just gotta feel, man. When Project Dolphin was announced I was living on a tropical island in the Pacific; when Project Revolution was announced I was a political activist; and for the past year or so I’ve worked as a barista.
Project Café.

Today I was working and thinking a lot about E3 and how it was going to change my life and give me new meaning and direction, man. I looked down at the latte I was making and there I saw it: everything I needed to know about Project Cafe. I was just like Agent Morgan from Deadly Premonition, ciphering messages from the milk and coffee. I stared at it in a trance and it all came to me. This is how it will take place at E3…

Agent Morgan — F.K in the coffee. it never fails.

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Pokemon Black & White Battle Competition – Sydney NSW

April 4, 2011. My life changed on this day. Nintendo Australia had announced their next connection tour, and it was for Pokemon Black & White. The Battle Competition’s first stop was Sydney, lucky me. I had two weeks to train up a competitive team in time, I knew I was up for the challenge but I also knew this is what would become my next two weeks. I have unfinished business with Pokemon tournaments, making finals and semi-finals in the last few over the years.

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Nintendo 3DS Impressions – Parramatta

I got to play much more 3DS the other day, and more games including Street Fighter, Resident Evil Mercenaries, Asphalt 3D and Steel Diver. All in all I must have got about 2 hours playtime on various games, so how does the system hold up after that?

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3DS Impressions – Unbiased

I’m sure you’ve read nothing but positive impressions about the 3DS, but they are all lies. Nintendo 3DS is the biggest scam of all time, lies based on hype, fueled by lack of information and deception on Nintendo’s part. All these websites have been tricked by Nintendo into thinking the 3DS is something it’s not. There’s a very good reason Nintendo has been hiding the 3D screen and not allowing photos, and only letting people play the system for a pitiful amount of time. They are forcing people to fill in the blanks with their own wet dreams, when in actual fact, the system has nothing interesting to offer. It’s nothing more than Nintendo propaganda, and journalists are falling for it left and right. Our sites very own Grubdog even forgot to mention that he attended the event wearing Nintardo fan goggles. They probably had screenshots of OoT taped on the inside. Wow, it’s popping out of the screen! Nintard. I decided to attend an event too, and now i’m here to give people an unbiased look at the new Nintendo.

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3DS Impressions – Myer

Myer in Australia held a 3 hour demonstration of 3DS on Thursday for the public, and I was lucky enough to get there in time to play it. The line was huge: when I got there I was number 242 and had to wait an hour to get to the front of the line. It curved around the store into obscure aisles and I spent half the time looking at backpacks and Lego. Then I got 15 minutes to play a few games on the system and it was definitely worth it.

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From Chat: 90 minutes in Tethe’alla

So I have recently been playing some Tales of Symphonia as inspiration for SimCity 4. You read that right. Also I swear the game wasn’t this blurry when I played it before but whatever. We were in chat, not updating Pietriots, when Bill brought up the topic of the Tales games. For those unfamiliar, Tales is Namco’s unpopular, increasingly Japan-exclusive, role-playing game. I started rambling.

RABicle: Bloody, forgot how big Symphonia is, shit just keeps happening.
RABicle: At no point does the game calm down.
RABicle: At one point it was sorta calm, I had just stolen the Rhieards and landed outside the Earth Temple, Raine suggested we go in, I didn’t have to but I did anyway.
Grubdog: It’s crazy
RABicle: And after that regal mentioned the ice temple near Flanoir, so that bit was kinda quiet.
Grubdog: See, Square-Enix are smart, they have nice tempo changes in their games when you have to grind for 4 hours. Great way to mix things up.
RABicle: but as soon as I get Celsius in the ice dungeon Ozette is on fire
Grubdog: lol
Bill Aurion: It’s how RPGS should be.
Bill Aurion: gotta keep my interest or I’m binning you.

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Canvass Quest 9 – Journey of a Lonely Traveler

Another day, another slim chance of finding a friend. I boot up my fully charged DS Lite to the familiar but empty sight of Stornway Inn in Dragon Quest 9, and select the canvass mode, today I was going to find a guest. I watch the screen for a few moments in the hope of a minor miracle. Maybe my neighbour had the game? Nah. I put the console in my bag and head off into the world, uncertain where the day will take me, but hopeful.

Sydney is a big place, there’s got to be quite a few people here who own Dragon Quest 9. It’s not the most successful game in the world, but it’s a damn good one, and a lot of people can’t resist a good RPG. I just had to find them. DS is quite popular too, I see them everywhere. At least a few of them must have DQ9. Surely. Even if nobody bought it, at least ten copies that I know of were given away in competitions.

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Move over, Nintendo

In a “Move” that highlighted their innovative and interactive approach to gaming, Sony mysteriously dropped two tons of bananas in the city of Sydney on Thursday. It was done to promote their brand new Move motion controller in a stroke of marketing genius. Sony reps were around the whole day giving away bananas, encouraging people to Move and burn off the extra energy. A concept almost as inspired as Move itself. Sony had a PS3 system set up in the heart of Circular Quay on a huge screen, playing their smash hit game Heavy Rain, which launched this year and is now compatable with the Move device. People were taking turns playing all day, it’s so simple, you don’t even need to press buttons anymore. Everyone was getting involved, all you need to do is move your hands to play. Onlookers were “Moved” by the games emotional storyline and deep messages, emphasising how much Move connects players to the game.

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Pietriots.com Exclusive! A Sneak Peak at the Nintendo E3 Conference

Reggie and I had a coffee last week and we had a lot to catch up on. Turns out he’s been so busy kicking arse, taking names and running NOA that he hasn’t even had time to plan E3 in years, let alone get Fatal Frame 4 or Disaster: Day of Crisis localised. Who has been planning E3 then? You guessed it, Cammie Dunaway. Last E3 was a real kerfuffle if you recall my entry last year. Cammie told me they had already done the conference inside an L.A. McDonalds and it involved Reggie fighting everyone. You can just imagine my sense of betrayal when the actual conference took place and Reggie was restrained to talking about sales while Cammie embarrassed herself in front of the gaming community again. I was telling Reggie over coffee that it was these lies that forced me to sleep with Cammie’s daughter out of spite and cause the breakdown of our relationship.

It has to be said: Reggie is such an understanding and caring man. He looks me square in the eye and tells me that I did the right thing to cheat on Cammie with her daughter. He goes on though to explain that, despite my virtuous actions, Cammie had fallen into a state of despair. In her desperate state, the currently scheduled conference was to be her coming out on stage and performing interpretive dance of projected 2011 sales figures to the tune of a Super Mario Bros ringtone. Reggie explained that it was up to me to track Cammie down, cheer her up and deliver a solid E3 script. I asked if we needed a high concept one like my rejected Animal Crossing proposal or actually do the McDonald’s conference from last year. Reggie told me that we just had to keep it simple because planning time was short. Reggie payed for our coffee with a $100 note and left before they could give him change.

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Monster Hunter Tri – Event Impressions

Cockatoo Island, Sydney. I was lucky enough to be invited to a special preview of Monster Hunter Tri held by Nintendo Australia. Here’s how it went down. Everyone invited met up at Circular Quay as per directions on the invitation, but nobody really knew what to expect. We knew we were headed to Cockatoo Island via ferry, but nobody expected THIS!

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A Night with Dunaway

Last night I had Cammie Dunaway over. I found it unusual that she’d be in Perth this close to E3 so I said “You’re not leaving yourself much time.”
“Hehe, for what sweety?” Cammie replied.
“E3 of course, it took me over 24 hours to fly to L.A.”
“Oh we’ve already done it silly.”
“Done E3? The press conference and everything?”
“Yeah we recorded it last week, everyone who attended is under an NDA. Only the internet hasn’t found out yet, hehehe.”

This was a lot for me to take in so I motioned for her to get back to sucking my cock. Over the next hour, when she came up for a breather, she filled me in on what happened.

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