Now who is this cool looking bald guy smiling? Why this is Hideki Kamiya, a game director at Platinum Games. He’s directing Project P-100 for Nintendo and it looks super swell, one of my most anticipated WiiU games. Continue reading “Hideki Kamiya is Cool. You are not.”
Brain In A Jar, acclaimed developers of Kart Racer and GP Classic Racing have just finished making a new game for Nintendo. They recently updated their Twitter and Facebook with this giant tease.
“We are getting our latest game ready for submission to Nintendo. This involves a LOT of testing and fixing bugs to ensure we have a good ‘master candidate’ to send.”
Continue reading “Brain In A Jar confirms game, possible Wii U game, possibly Zelda”
A year ago I tried to get into Darksiders, but only made it a few hours. A lot of things about the game rubbed me the wrong way. Namely the forced patch, broken graphics, and brain-dead combat. I decided to give it another chance, because I really want to be excited for the Wii U sequel. I just beat the game on Normal and there’s a lot more to it than I initially thought, but it’s still a crappy game.
Recently, I decided to take a break from modern gaming; there’s only so many ads and achievements I can take. I’ve gone back to New Super Mario Bros. 2 on my 3DS Micro for some classic fun, and man this game has aged well! Why can’t Nintendo go back to this style? I’m sick of these annual 3.75D Mario games clogging the market.
Continue reading “New Super Mario Bros 2 – Review from 2022”
Well it turns out Wii U isn’t getting F1 2012. Codemasters pulled an interesting stunt by announcing Wii U would get a Formula 1 game, then a few months later we hear about F1 All Stars, the Mario Kart ripoff. Now it’s been made apparent why this game exists: Codemasters have a contractual obligation to the FIA that requires them to release a Formula 1 licensed game on every mainstream platform (which is also why Vita and 3DS have their own butchered versions of the game). Absolutely terrified of releasing a normal game on Wii U, F1 All Stars fits the bill, and that’s good enough for Codemasters. In this interview we find out what they’re really thinking.
It’s New to him, at least, and all the game reviews in the world can’t take that away.
A few months ago, expert internet hackers discovered a “lost” Iwata Asks interview between Nintendo president Satoru Iwata and gaming industry analyst Michael Pachter. After braving multiple contract loopholes, shark tanks and Jim Sterling’s rolls of fat, I’ve managed to get a hold of this insightful interview. Enjoy!
IWATA: Today I will be interviewing Michael Pachter, a professional gaming guesser.
PACHTER: Actually Iwata-san, the correct term is “analyst”.
IWATA: Oh, is that what they call people like you? I didn’t know that was actually a thing.
PACHTER: Right…
IWATA: Please tell me about your job, Pachter. I would really like to know how you come up with 2 + 2 = 7. Last I remember, it equals four. (laughs)
PACHTER: My job is to analyze and make predictions for companies who require my advice.
IWATA: That must be some high-end advice, did the cost of your guesses cause them to lay off employees and go out of business?
PACHTER: No.
IWATA: Are you sure? I think they deserve a refund since you seem to always be wrong about us.
PACHTER: That isn’t true.
IWATA: (laughs) Are you predicting you are right in that reply? (laughs)
PACHTER: You should make a system that I can grasp the concept of, it will sell well out of the gate.
IWATA: Our apologies you can’t understand a controller concept or basic math, Pachter-san. (laughs) By the by, how did those predictions of Vita taking away 3DS’ marketshare going?
PACHTER: [silence]
IWATA: Just recently, you said our fanbase sucks and they only buy Nintendo games?
PACHTER: Yes, that is correct.
IWATA: Can’t really blame them, we do actually beta test our games properly (laughs). So, how many internet hits did you get this time?
PACHTER: I don’t know what you mean…
IWATA: Did our Wii marketshare catch you off guard? Oh wait, yes it did. You ‘predicted’ the PS3 would take it easily.
PACHTER: [silence]
IWATA: Don’t worry Pachter-san, we still respect you as a one-man comedy routine.
The REGGIE SERIES is BACK, barely ahead of some JRPG that a handful of psychos cried for. NOA REGGIE ignored their grievances, spending his time more wisely by Wii-Playing with himself.
It’s been more than a year since Wii Play: Motion arrived, and like it or not, it offered a few glimpses of near-future gameplay elements Nintendo demonstrated in 2011 via 3DS and the upcoming Wii U. It explored additional curiosities beyond Wii Sports Resort, bringing another variety of “basic” motion concepts to life with effective results. Shamefully, the MotionPlus possibilities were hardly revisited in the context of more “complete” products by other game makers (aside from disastrous gimmicks on other systems) until the release of Skyward Sword. Wii Play: Motion is not robust – this 12-mini-game demo pack was never priced to be – but it is somewhat diverse, and some mini-games surprisingly have a lot more content than others (the very term “mini-game” is a bit misleading, making it sound like a one-shot deal worth only a minute before moving on to something new; each activity has a varying number of single and/or multiplayer modes, stages, and difficulty like its predecessor), but you can’t really count on journalists like GI-GN’s Gerstmasamassina to share useful information, can you. To top it off, these itty-bitty games actually work – no privacy-invading webcams and neon balls to calibrate.
Anyway, I have some inappropriate video and gameplay to observe. Reggie demonstrates.
Data East’s accurate hamburger simulation Burger Time – where delicious steamed hams are prepared by stepping all over the ingredients – has a bit of an unfortunate history with box art.
None more so than the Australian packaging for the Commodore 64 port, however…
Continue reading “100% pure llama meat”
“Sweet moves, Beef McGravy!”
“Thanks, coach! It was all thanks to your constant harassment and sharp-edged threats that I’m here today, competing for my country in the Olympics.”
“The what – the what did you say?! I’ll cut’cha with my axe! This is the Decathlon 2012, son! Go for bronze!”
Continue reading “Decathlon 2012 – Running at three frames per 100 metres”
Only exchange codes with people you… know. And ask nicely.
Turning back the clock a bit to work our way up to more contemporary subjects…
This is how Vacation Isle began development. A bunch of guys sitting around a table, aspiring to rip off a 9 year old water ripple that some guy at Nintendo did in 2 weeks. Well they succeeded, the water looks pretty good. Unfortunately they were SO EXCITED, they forgot to make the rest of the game before shipping the disc. Who can blame them though? Mario Sunshine has great looking water! Continue reading “Vacation Isle: Beach Party”
So, while browsing the barren wasteland that is the DS’ upcoming release schedule, I stumbled upon Puzzle Overload – a collection of 1001 various logic puzzles. Clearly enough to warrant a mental breakdown. “Wow,” I didn’t proclaim, quickly averting my eyes to the next game on th-waaait a second! Telegames! Telegames’ logo was on the box. The Telegames.
Telegames honestly fascinates me, and not just because they survived their eyebrow-raising attraction to both the Atari Jaguar and Lynx (responsible for bringing over a handful of big name titles such as Double Dragon and Worms along with all their original work). After framing their award for “only third party publisher who gave a shit,” Telegames would then go on to dominate the PlayStation and Game Boy Advance with games such as uh, Santa Claus Saves the Earth. They have managed to barely exist like this since the ColecoVision and 2600 days.
In primitive times we had to be careful. Lions, Bears, Dinosaurs, and Rose Lappin all wanted to kill us with their fiery claws and talons, and they didn’t need a killing license to do it. If you slept in the wrong cave you would die from a spider or snake. Today, we can all walk around in relative peace, but it seems like the fear from those times still remains inside us. The lion is now the Wii, threatening your idle-handed living room comfort. The bear is a casual non-gamer, arrogantly having fun with inferior technology. Dinosaurs are fanboys of a game or system you don’t own, and they must all be killed. Rose Lappin is still alive.
Pietriots 