Hey U – Give Me Real Controls

The Wii Remote & Nunchuk was last generation’s innovation in violence – still strong today, still better than the competition. This was the method of controlling the last true console Resident Evil experience the world would know: The Umbrella Chronicles.

For the previous console cycle, there’s a seldom-stated lesson Capcom briefly learned (see RE4:Wii) then immediately forgot (see their “HD” games): if you’re pretending to KILL in a video game, do it properly. It’s just a shame we don’t have to pretend anymore: modern games, such as Capcom’s premiere action series, have gotten so smart that they play themselves (step aside Super Guide). The games don’t hesitate to handle much of the excitement on their own, and work hard to convince us that quick-button-context-flashback-retrospection-cutscene was an artistic achievement (“Best QTE of 2012,” is there such a thing?). Opponents of violent gaming love to point out how video games “teach kids how to kill”, but I know that’s rubbish cuz most games suck at that, especially as more games suck at being games. It’s supposed to be like watching a movie, right? Why not an effing GAME? Thru these last couple generations of analog masturbation, popular shooters have more or less surpassed “REALISTIC EVERYTHING” – nevermind the gameplay. And in a (not really) fun twist, “more realism” cheerfully graduated to “more Hollywood”; new gameplay became movies that look like gameplay. “Wow, it’s like playing a game,” – thanks, my confidence in the new generation is at an all-time high.

Before proceeding, I want to be clear that the major ideas in the blocks of text below don’t necessarily apply to every genre or gameplay mechanic. Many of our favorites are derived from things like tennis, team sports, board games, gambling, mazes, vehicles, boxing puppets, and Donkey Kong – there’s no reason to mess with certain core elements. However, TANGIBLE VIRTUAL VIOLENCE has a raw, engrossing quality that the majority of the Industry has not been interested in embracing for some time; fluid human movements seek the spillage of human fluid, yet they insist gamers don’t like movement and just seek Mountain Dew. Trapped in the game industry’s electronic erection contest, the prestigious computing “arms race”, we continue enduring their fake war: fake gameplay and fake value. Cash and companies continue to perish in the high-priced struggle to show violence; rarely do we see genuine imagination towards playing violence. It doesn’t have to be this way; we can still search for decency. Aim off-screen and raise your real arms to rediscover what’s in front of you: the gameplay in your hands.

/wii joke

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ZombiU, or is it really GhostU?

As we near the Wii U launch, we also near the launch of a surprisingly-original Ubisoft title in the form of ZombiU.  It’s a fresh take on the survival horror genre, and is more of a Resident Evil game than Resident Evil 6 is.

The gist of the story is that John Dee, head magician of Queen Elizabeth I’s court, made a prophecy of a disaster that would eventually come to pass as the zombie apocalypse presented within the game.  The player is not the main character of the story (the main characters are the NPCs you meet over the course of the game), but instead takes an interesting angle in that we step into the shoes of a random Joe on the streets of the plague-stricken city of London.  Once they die, it’s Game Over for Joe #1, and we move onto the life of Joe #2 (or Jane #1).  It’s a fairly straight-forward story, or at least what little of it we know of at this point in time…

But is that the whole story?

Are there ghosts lurking within the shadows of London?  Why are they there?  What purpose could they possibly serve in what was a seemingly straight-forward story of survival in a Z-Day situation?  27 days remain…

Rumor: Chinese Kids Forced To Read Kotaku

Excited about the upcoming article from Kotaku? Don’t be. Unconfirmed reports confirm that China has the internet, and there are boys as young as 14-16 in China who either work or study, most likely in factories and buildings. These boys have allegedly been subjected to journalism of the lowest order. A supposed person with no name from an unidentified source has been monitoring the situation, and gave us a clear picture;

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Brain In A Jar confirms game, possible Wii U game, possibly Zelda

Brain In A Jar, acclaimed developers of Kart Racer and GP Classic Racing have just finished making a new game for Nintendo. They recently updated their Twitter and Facebook with this giant tease.

“We are getting our latest game ready for submission to Nintendo. This involves a LOT of testing and fixing bugs to ensure we have a good ‘master candidate’ to send.”

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Codemasters: Our Games Suck

Well it turns out Wii U isn’t getting F1 2012. Codemasters pulled an interesting stunt by announcing Wii U would get a Formula 1 game, then a few months later we hear about F1 All Stars, the Mario Kart ripoff. Now it’s been made apparent why this game exists: Codemasters have a contractual obligation to the FIA that requires them to release a Formula 1 licensed game on every mainstream platform (which is also why Vita and 3DS have their own butchered versions of the game). Absolutely terrified of releasing a normal game on Wii U, F1 All Stars fits the bill, and that’s good enough for Codemasters. In this interview we find out what they’re really thinking.

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