Tag: Onrine

“Durp!” – SCE 2-for-1 Special

It’s been far too long since the last “Durp!,” hasn’t it?  Truth be told, I’ve been trying to ignore the stupid things developers have been saying just to save me the trouble of writing up about it.  But as you can clearly see, this segment is back from the dead.  As my luck would have it, two beautifully, absurdly, and nearly-impossible quotes were dropped on my groin at nearly the same time.  So what could be SO bad that it ripped me off my lazy rump and into SUPER RANT MODE?

Oh ho ho, just take a look inside and see…

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“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: BATCH 5 FINAL

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I really wanted to do a special Halloween Durpthrough of a random horror game in my collection, giving you all an uncensored, uncut look into how much I freak out when I’m playing a REAL horror game.  Unfortunately, I currently sound like a frog being cranked through a meat grinder thanks to the horrible timing of a heinous mix of bronchitis and laryngitis.  So instead of something that might have been good, you get the final batch of Dead Island clips.

I completely skipped recording the prison section of the game right before the final boss because, well, I was sick of recording at the time, and didn’t realize we were so close to the end.  It’s not like you missed anything anyway.

So enjoy our last leg through the jungle, our bout with the ultimate worst final boss this generation, and finally the ridiculous closure (or lack thereof) of this miserable pile of pumpkin snot.  The horror…THE HORROR!

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“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Super Late Batch 4

These have been uploaded for quite a while, but I forgot to post them here on the site before I went on vacation.  Those of you who actually care probably already noticed them on PieTube, but here they are anyway.  The last batch should be up sometime in the next few days (the ending sucks, by the way, SURPRISE!), so until then enjoy the game-breaking glitches!

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SSB:Brawl 60fps Videos – Old Online Replays

Getting some housekeeping done by clearing these years-old Super Smash Bros. Brawl videos from my hard drive. This batch covers the latest 10 videos dated from June 16 to June 21, 2008. Included are few random Basic Brawls; a couple matches with fellow Pietriot, “Mario”; and some matches with Maxi from the crusty old Former Nintendo Fan Report Planet (FNFRP). See the link below.

If you remember “Mario” from FNFRP, you’re old like us =[

View/Download
Super Smash Bros. Brawl, 10 60fps videos (DivX)

“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 3

ZOMBIES!  ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE THEY ARE ALL OVER ME GET THEM OFF!   OH GOD THEY ARE IN MY PANTS NOW IN MY PAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

…

And now for something completely the same:  Batch 3 of our Dead Island Durpthrough.  The second vid is the last “full” clip I’m uploading, because it’s pretty boring sitting around through the bunch of NOTHING the game tosses at us just to get to the interesting parts (where Ferny and I do crazy shit).  From then on are edited bits of chaos and stupidity.  Enjoy!

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“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 2

Ferny and I have been cranking time into this game (mostly to just get the damn thing over with), so this time there are four videos as opposed to three!  What to look forward to in our latest adventures:

~ Our desperate attempt to find ANY (non-gun) weapons!
~ More jerk-offs who have nothing better to do than shoot at other survivors!
~ A cameo by a member of the Banoi Hockey Team!
~ Dispatching of looters just ’cause!
~ Ferny blowing me up…AGAIN…!
~ A tranny wanting us to put posters of him up around town!
~ Me blowing Ferny up for a change!
~ Endlessly spawning Infected!
~ Our fear of falling from heights of up to TEN FEET!
~ Ferny’s exquisite driving skills!
~ OOOOOO, CHAMPAGNE!
~ Ferny and I dying plenty of times!
~ Oh, and zombies…Lots and lots and lots of zombies!

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“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 1

Hey, Bill here.  I’ve been gone for a very…very long time for a number of issues including me becoming Dr. Bill, being out of town, and me just being a lazy bastard in general.  So hopefully now that things have stabilized a bit I’m hoping I can post more material.  One thing in particular I would like to do more of in the future is game “durpthroughs.”  Durpthroughs, because I don’t have the time, nor patience, nor attention span, to record footage for an entire play through a whole game.  Instead you’ll get random clips of me (and whoever is unlucky enough to play with me for co-op sessions) durping through whatever I feel like playing or showing off at the time, either due to me being impressed with how good the game is, or how bad it is. The first game I’m doing this with is Dead Island, which has already gotten plenty of bad press since its release over its terrible balancing, multitude of glitches, and it just not being a very polished game altogether.  I managed to trick Infernal into buying the game as well, and after a number of technical issues getting footage (including mic problems, audio woes, and hell, even just joining each other in-game), we finally managed to pull it together. So toss a bag of popcorn in the microwave, pop open a fresh can of legitimate cola, and watch as Infernal and myself stumble through and make fools of ourselves in Dead Island after the break.  Enjoy!

NOT A HYPERLINK HURRRRR!

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Two ways to do a content subscription service

Those of you who’ve been paying careful attention to Electronic Arts, and really you have no excuse not to, would know they’re pretty interested in this whole internet thing and how it could be leveraged to provide a constant revenue stream from increasingly dependent consumers. They’ve been pulling their games from Steam and relaunched Origin, the developer of Ultima they purchased a decade ago, as a digital distribution client, the only place to buy new multi million dollar MMO: Star Wars: The Old Republic. And then they ruined my birthday by announcing a subscription service to their sports games.

Now here’s what EA are planning to do.

  • The privilege of downloading their sports games a few days before EB Games put it on display and slap pre-owned stickers on last year’s edition.
  • Discounts on downloadable content, including on disc DLC.
  • Permission to use that purchased content on future roster updates.
  • Stats recorded on a webpage that you can browse with your internet communication gizmo.
  • A little badge so everyone knows you’re an idiot paying for the above.

I know right, some sort of joke. The very fact that EA’s offering, if I can indulge you and call it that, can be summarised down to five bulletpoints shows you everything wrong with their approach. You can’t summarise Xbox Live or Steam in 5 dot points and you shouldn’t be able to summarise EA’s either. If EA want to charge a subscription then they have to at least be on that level, offer a service of their own on the scale of Xbox Live. They’re a big company and their sport games cater to a big market – they can do it. God knows they want to do it but they’re too cowardly to try. The next few paragraphs I’m going to envision how they should run a subscription service that fosters the kind of sycophantic devotees, who’ll maintain their subscriptions indefinitely.

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Conduit 2 Wiimote Controls

I guess the timing is right to present the sequel to our Conduit/GoldenEye Wiimote Controls – my control settings for the first Conduit adapted to the sequel to The Conduit, which isn’t exactly The Conduit 2, but simply Conduit 2, a.k.a. DUKE NUKEM’s official return to video games. (The previous Note still applies, so keep those conditions in mind) My controls are geared toward an exploration/realism perspective, so it’s probably not the l337 onrine FPS’ing scheme suited to all those childish twitch-turning high-jumping strafe-running genre conventions that you were hoping to employ. I am raging infinity suns, but it’s not how I play shooty games.

Fortunately, this project includes somewhat less ranting and more explanation/analysis. Read on for screens/details and technical issues the gaming press probably didn’t mention in the reviews.

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Random QR Codes

This is a handful of Miis created by our staff. Many of these had been given birth during the magickal 2006 Holiday Season. In a short time, they became self-aware and now possess souls (some taken from small children).

If 3DS has cameras on both sides, who’s scanning who?

Update – 2011/12/30

Update – 2012/07/19

Update – 2013/01/17

random_qr4

Update – 2015/06/26

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… and don’t forget the REAL Reggie Mii