Category: Features

Irregular Columns

Metroid Prime – Federation Soldier Log #09

justme

I’m not Samus Aran. I can’t wall jump, roll into a ball or somersault over waves of enemies. Armed with a human-sized mech, Federation equipment and a positive attitude, I’m just an ordinary soldier doing my best. I joined the Federation Force three years ago and I’ve been working my way up, taking care of a few Space Pirates here and there and helping other soldiers where I can. Today I’ve been assigned my toughest, most dangerous mission yet.

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Nintendo still loves us

It’s been a pretty good year. Not a great one, but pretty good. We’ve seen some heavy hitters on 3DS with Fire Emblem Fates and Kirby Planet Robobot, and intense console action with Star Fox Zero and some memorable Splatfests. Dragon Quest 7, Federation Force and Color Splash are brand new games that just released with tons of content. Pokemon Sun & Moon is right around the corner, and set to be the biggest Pokemon adventure yet. Despite a handful of 3DS games though, next year looks a bit empty. It’s even worse on the Wii U front, with nothing Nintendo-related besides Zelda. Yooka-Laylee is gonna be great too, but there’s an ominous dark void after March. Nintendo has been tight-lipped about NX on a level without precedent. Fans are getting frustrated, confused, and feeling a bit left out.

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Federation Force is a good game, and that’s NOT okay

I have spent the last week trapped in an emotional prison and I can’t take it anymore. I am absolutely fuming with anger after playing through Metroid Prime: Federation Force. It is a well-crafted game, and this is a big problem. Next Level Games have poured tons of resources into what is fundamentally an INSULT to Metroid fans. They’ve wasted 20 hours of my life, and KILLED the Metroid franchise by gutting the structure, butchering the art style, and offending my entitlements as a traditional gamer who has supported Nintendo since the NES.

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The Rights of Artforms – Part 2

Editor
This is an editor.  His job of trampling pure artistic visions is necessary in order to keep works coherent, continuous, and relatable.

Thank you for rejoining me after Part 1. As stated earlier, this part will focus on video games in regards to artistic interpretation. So, in order to hide the fact that this part was done months ago and I simply cut a longer article in half so I could loaf for another month, let’s begin. And what better place to start than with the elephant in the room, Fire Emblem.

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Splatfest – Black Tie Conspiracy (Japan/Worldwide)

A new Splatfest is upon us, but there’s something different about this one. Normally announced by Callie and Marie, this one came in the form of an invitation. This is the Miiverse message I received from a user named ???.

Dear SuperChris, we are holding a Splatfest on May 14. You can either wear Formal Clothes or Fancy Dress. Pick wisely, as this will decide your fate.

I knew what I needed to do.

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The Rights of Artforms – Part 1

Fire Emblem: Fates appears to be doing well in America, despite the wishes of a small, yet loud minority of consumers who use social media to harangue Nintendo of America, hoping to boycott the game and see it fail, operating under various protest hashtags. Of course, after the massive success and nearly nationwide sellout (which I can attest to as copies were at the time of writing incredibly hard to find, even in my rural area) they’ve switched gears into becoming “awareness campaigns,” because if it’s one thing Twitter needs more of, it’s useless hashtag slacktivist nagging.

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Star Fox Zero – Flying Through The Bullshit

I played about 5 hours of Star Fox Zero today and I’m just so excited that I have to write out these impressions and clear up some things about this game immediately. There’s a lot of confusion going around about the controls and quite frankly, it’s all fucking bullshit. Game journalists spinning this propaganda are a bunch of IDIOTS who can not be trusted to form an opinion, let alone provide one to the masses. Kotaku, IGN, Polygon, the usual clusterfucks that everybody should know to avoid by now have all given this game bad reviews because it threatens their 2 dimensional way of thinking. It’s the same fucking bullshit ZombiU and The Wonderful 101 endured, they see this game as a threat because it’s another heavy hitter on the Wii U that threatens to take their normal games away. I want to throw that mindset in the bin and fucking burn it. There is room for every game to be beautiful. The controls in Star Fox Zero are outstanding, and this game is absolute quality.

starfoxflies

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Xenoblade Chronicles X – Supplies Surprise

10 Bullet Flies, 8 Nostalgia L-002 units , and 1 A-HAB autonomous AI unit. That was the job. Those Nopon might be small and fluffy, but they sure are demanding. Nalu was crying her eyes out and I had to find all these objects to ensure the safety of their caravan. There was some internal conflict going on with the Nopon but it couldn’t be too bad, and I wanted to take this mission to settle things. We all have to work together to keep life on Mira going, or it all falls apart. The Bullet Flies were quite common to the local area so I thought I’d leave them until last. As luck would have it, I already had dozens of Nostalgia L-002 units from roaming around Noctilum. I thought this stuff was trash but I’m glad it can finally be put to use. The A-HAB unit really sparked my curiosity. What the hell is that thing? What could a Nopon want with it? How is it going to help? There were so many questions, it seems this planet is just an infinite mystery. Only one question mattered right now, where do I get an A-HAB autonomous AI unit?

xenocamp

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Wave Race 64 – Return of the Champ

My name is Ryota Hayami. You might remember me as the two-time Wave Race world champion, but that was a long time ago. As a young kid I was insatiable and wanted to win every competition I could find. The sights were fresh, the scene was encouraging, and everything felt so new. Lately I’ve been kicking back and enjoying my new life as a fisherman. It’s a nice relaxed lifestyle, but I still think back to the glory days quite often. Sometimes I notice the waves ripple and it reminds me of when I was 18 years old, fighting for victories on my Jet Ski. The Jet Ski scene has changed a lot since then. Jet Skis of the modern era are quite complicated designs yet “easier” to ride, and for me that completely takes the thrill out of riding. Technology is so advanced now that the Jet Ski does everything for you, with auto-correction and elevation control becoming the standard. As a result, all the big dollar manufacturers were winning year after year, and there wasn’t much demand for good riders. Being a good rider now simply means showing up to as many PR events as possible. Not my life, man.

As fate may have it, I wasn’t the only person who longed for the glory days. On Friday morning I received a phone call from Kawasaki asking if I was fit for riding. They understood the struggle of true riders today and wanted to bring back the old feel. A tournament was to be held as a test to see how many people would support a change in Jet Ski design proposed for the 2017 season. They called it a “Virtual Console” championship and they have brought back all the old Jet Skis, while securing the rights to all the old locations. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Is this a dream? “No sir, we are serious about this. We have everything in place but the riders. We need you.”

waveraceintro

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Super Metroid – Sub-Hour Speedrun

I’ve been getting into Super Metroid more after the 3DS release and set myself a personal goal of beating the game in under an hour. I’ve already done this with Metroid: Zero Mission and had a great time finding the fastest route. With Super Metroid I had done what “felt” like a speedrun, but it’s a different kind of speedrun to Zero Mission. A lot of tricks and skips in this game are very difficult and non-traditional. This is due to Samus’s movement being more complex, and a lot of open environments that don’t stop you from doing crazy things. My current best time was 1 hour 19 minutes, and on 3DS I managed to get 1 hour 27 minutes on a refresher course through the game. My main motivation came when I realised there was still a lot about the game I didn’t know. How do you shortcharge? What other items can I skip? Are there better ways to fight the bosses? Can I do the Zebetite Skip?

zebetitestruggle

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EA developing for NX – Kimishima’s Konditions

Recently EA have spoken in secret about the Nintendo NX and their lack of plans to develop for it. They outlined a bunch of things that Nintendo is required to do in order to be blessed with EA’s fantastic library of quality games. To sum it up, they want Nintendo to “provide a market for sports games” by throwing millions of dollars on sports advertising. They just want a userbase that will buy sports games. Sound fair?

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