Stuck in the Middle

There’s quite a lot of discussion on the internet in the past few days concerning the censorship of video games, pressure from so-called “Social Justice Warriors,” and pressure from so-called “GamerGaters.” The crux of this discussion appears to center around the latest installment of the Fire Emblem series, Fire Emblem: Fates, although there has been other recent controversies concerning games like Dead or Alive Extreme 3 and Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water.

Concerning Fire Emblem: Fates, a subquest involving a character named Soleil, who seems to be a female of a bisexual orientation (1 of 3 possible for humans, at least before Tumblr existed), could be romanced by an avatar character of the player’s design. The context of this romance appears to be that Soleil seems to get weak-kneed around cute girls of her type, which lessens her effectiveness in war and impedes her quest to become “smooth,” in her (fan translated at this point) words. The player character concocts a magic potion that makes the imbiber see people in opposite genders (1 of 2, at least before… oh, I already did that joke…) causing Soleil to see people in the opposite gender that they are. This medicine is supplied to Soleil in clandestine means, which to say, her drink was spiked. Hilarious hijinks ensue. This is obviously squarely in 90’s sitcom territory, or something out of the romantic comedy manga Ranma 1/2. The outcome is comical, and at the end the misadventure allows the player avatar to get closer to Soleil and say that she finds interacting with the player character “fun,” regardless of the unawareness of her medication. Who could possibly object?

Soleil

The face that launched a thousand tweets.

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Splatfest – Barbarians vs Ninjas (EU/AUS)

barbarianroar

HYARRGHHH!! ROOOAAAARRR!! HNNNNNNNN!! Splat what? What fest? GO AWAY, I DON’T CARE!!

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Code Name S.T.E.A.M. – The President Needs You

Abraham Lincoln has assigned me a special mission, to tell the world about Code Name S.T.E.A.M. and recruit world class soldiers to fight the alien menace. I’ve been deployed to the internet and there are aliens everywhere, destroying objects and devouring information before they can process it. It’s quite clear they aren’t here to talk. I can’t take them on alone so I’ve taken cover in the Pietriots Bunker to refill my STEAM tank. My health is low, I’ve got no coins and there’s no restore point here. It’s just me and this STEAM powered Typewriter, so I better get to work.

codenameageofsteam

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Pokémon Picross

Pokémon Picross is Nintendo’s latest free to play puzzle game. I’ve been enjoying playing it over the Christmas-New Years break while travelling through southern Western Australia. My review could be simply ‘it’s picross, with Pokémon and free to play,’ but I’m going to write a little more explaining what picross is for those unfamiliar and detail my frustrations with the free to play economics of this particular title. Continue reading

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Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash – Too Chibi, Too Late

badipbide, mindupapa dumdidd woppa woppa awimbidabop.

<translation> Welcome to this Review. Here you will find info about Chibi Robo and a document of my experience.

baudadw wblahblah didadihey amibwob dobada dibididay.

<translation> This introduction is pointless because you already know why you’re here.

chibititle

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Snow Moto Racing 3D – Defrost Your Engines

Over the holidays I impulse-bought this game just to have a new racing game to play on 3DS while I was out. I wasn’t expecting too much but I’m very happy with it and I think it deserves some recognition. Zordix are not the biggest development team in the world but I really like their approach. Snow Moto Racing 3D is an enjoyable game that doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s fun to play and features a solid amount of content.

snowmotobattle
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Splatfest – Get Fresh Or Die Trying (EU/AUS)

A New Year is upon us and every Inkling is keen to make a fresh start to 2016. Today’s Splatfest is a war over riches and fitness as Team Money and Team Fitness battle it out. I have chosen Team Fitness because I am an honest fighter. The goal of “getting rich” has no personal meaning or existential benefit, and is simply the easy way out for Inklings with no self-worth. It is a temporary comfort that loses its freshness the second the ink dries out. I would rather die on the outside, than be dead inside. An Inkling’s respawn ability encourages growth and fitness, and as a member of Team Fitness I am not afraid to make a mess and put down those money grubbing squids no matter what the cost. Furthermore, Splatfests are about teamwork and Team Money quite simply are not trustworthy. In it for themselves, they are in for a rude awakening when their scattered team in-fighting is destroyed by the efficiency, strength and speed of Team Fitness. To aim for “richness” as a lifestyle is to drift away from freshness. Fitness however is freshness, and fighting for freshness is fighting for our very existence. If Team Money triumphs, the Inkopolis economy will collapse and prices in the plaza will quickly skyrocket due to greed. Eventually we’ll be buying gear off Spyke and the Sea Snail business will also crumble as a result. Without fresh gear and Sea Snails the Inklings can not stay fresh, and will go extinct. This is a battle for our existence as a species.

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