Category: Features

Irregular Columns

From Chat: 90 minutes in Tethe’alla

So I have recently been playing some Tales of Symphonia as inspiration for SimCity 4. You read that right. Also I swear the game wasn’t this blurry when I played it before but whatever. We were in chat, not updating Pietriots, when Bill brought up the topic of the Tales games. For those unfamiliar, Tales is Namco’s unpopular, increasingly Japan-exclusive, role-playing game. I started rambling.

RABicle: Bloody, forgot how big Symphonia is, shit just keeps happening.
RABicle: At no point does the game calm down.
RABicle: At one point it was sorta calm, I had just stolen the Rhieards and landed outside the Earth Temple, Raine suggested we go in, I didn’t have to but I did anyway.
Grubdog: It’s crazy
RABicle: And after that regal mentioned the ice temple near Flanoir, so that bit was kinda quiet.
Grubdog: See, Square-Enix are smart, they have nice tempo changes in their games when you have to grind for 4 hours. Great way to mix things up.
RABicle: but as soon as I get Celsius in the ice dungeon Ozette is on fire
Grubdog: lol
Bill Aurion: It’s how RPGS should be.
Bill Aurion: gotta keep my interest or I’m binning you.

Continue reading “From Chat: 90 minutes in Tethe’alla” →

The 3rd Party Wall of Shame

Editor’s note: This project was initially presented on January 27, 2010 and finalized on April 4, 2010 somewhere in Former Nintendo Fan Report Planet (FNFRP). FNFRP staff said its community was being too “positive” about Wii and Nintendo in general, so we decided to deliver some fresh, steaming negativity. “Why do you hate 3rd Parties so much?” they asked. “Did you not read the damn post at all?” I pondered.

Visitors making the pilgrimage for the first time:  Read The Text, or you will miss the context – this difference easily exposes the internet morons in your community. The specific order of the box arts and items in the text don’t match 100%; it was meant to read casually and maybe quickly, so the idea is what counts. This WAS just an overblown forum post on some fansite, after all. Caution: contains language most foul and intense 3rd Party imagery; some graphics are known to cause birth defects, depending on the laws in your country/state/community.  Kids, ask your government’s permission before buying 3rd Party software.

You might be thinking of the Vietnam Memorial, or the stars of the World War II memorial, or the wall of fallen operatives at CIA headquarters — THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF WALL. This wall has its own significance, and its name below is exactly what it recognizes.

Continue reading “The 3rd Party Wall of Shame” →

A Guide for Third Party Developers on Nintendo Consoles

With the new 3DS and the possibility of a Wii successor either next year or the year after, it’s probably a good time to let third parties know that they haven’t been up to snuff on Nintendo’s platforms lately other than the DS.

The following is a ten step guide to finding success on Nintendo consoles.  Success seems to be elusive as third parties struggle to succeed and feel that they have tried everything (obviously not everything, like make mostly high-quality games from launch) and still find that the Wii and sometimes the DS audience are reluctant to purchase their products.  So what follows is a handy set of guidelines that will help you on your way to financial or at least critical success on Nintendo’s platforms.

Continue reading “A Guide for Third Party Developers on Nintendo Consoles” →

Canvass Quest 9 – Journey of a Lonely Traveler

Another day, another slim chance of finding a friend. I boot up my fully charged DS Lite to the familiar but empty sight of Stornway Inn in Dragon Quest 9, and select the canvass mode, today I was going to find a guest. I watch the screen for a few moments in the hope of a minor miracle. Maybe my neighbour had the game? Nah. I put the console in my bag and head off into the world, uncertain where the day will take me, but hopeful.

Sydney is a big place, there’s got to be quite a few people here who own Dragon Quest 9. It’s not the most successful game in the world, but it’s a damn good one, and a lot of people can’t resist a good RPG. I just had to find them. DS is quite popular too, I see them everywhere. At least a few of them must have DQ9. Surely. Even if nobody bought it, at least ten copies that I know of were given away in competitions.

Continue reading “Canvass Quest 9 – Journey of a Lonely Traveler” →

Donkey Kong Control Rectology

The game is fine. Many “vocal” gamers are simply ape-shit awful players who’ve lost their quick-learning intellectual gamer edge over years of “soft” action games holding their hands thru non-challenges and waterfalls of rewards that celebrate their mediocrity. You have the displeasure of identifying them cuz they still go to the forums and blogs you go to and whine about “moving the controller” being something inexplicably difficult. “I just don’t get it,” one might say right before his 2,000 word essay (a waggle complaint; rather, his failure to waggle) used to exert the might of his lifelong gamer cred, the same cred that crumbled with his preceding statement.

Continue reading “Donkey Kong Control Rectology” →

Move over, Nintendo

In a “Move” that highlighted their innovative and interactive approach to gaming, Sony mysteriously dropped two tons of bananas in the city of Sydney on Thursday. It was done to promote their brand new Move motion controller in a stroke of marketing genius. Sony reps were around the whole day giving away bananas, encouraging people to Move and burn off the extra energy. A concept almost as inspired as Move itself. Sony had a PS3 system set up in the heart of Circular Quay on a huge screen, playing their smash hit game Heavy Rain, which launched this year and is now compatable with the Move device. People were taking turns playing all day, it’s so simple, you don’t even need to press buttons anymore. Everyone was getting involved, all you need to do is move your hands to play. Onlookers were “Moved” by the games emotional  storyline and deep messages, emphasising how much Move connects players to the game.

Continue reading “Move over, Nintendo” →