Category: Whatever

Uncategorized STUFF

Krystal Media Blowout – Screens and Videos

Special thanks to Deguello for providing me with explicit, uncensored access to the best moments of the StarFox franchise. This update would not be possible without him.

Let us celebrate – the release of StarFox 64 3D? NO! I don’t give a crap. This is about KRYSTAL – those eyes, that accent, that fur. I finally finished capturing the StarFox Adventures media I originally started years ago, but almost abandoned because I didn’t want to play it again to get to the critical parts (got so busy with all the casual games).

Aside from her cutscenes, some of the screenshots have great facial expressions and can be taken out of context. All this, for the sake of archiving high-quality media of Rare’s surviving legacy (maybe Retro can make a Krystal game for Wii U?). The content is stored on my homepage; see the links at the bottom.

…(deep in thought)…

Continue reading “Krystal Media Blowout – Screens and Videos” →

Tribute to the Troll – Dragon Quest

Look at it, this is a fine example of a troll. It’s not just ugly, it’s proud of it. With its cheeky grin and gaping tongue licking its lips, it knows it’s awesome, and it’s ready to fuck up your game. This beautiful creature shows up in locations where you might be getting 1500 experience points a battle, and usually shows up alone. It only gives 400 exp, and it’s not easy to take down. It has a special move that can take away half your health. Its attacks miss a lot too, but you know what? It doesn’t give a fuck. It’s scared you for no reason. If you try and flee from it, it’ll usually stop you. Internet trolls have nothing on this guy. When a troll appears, your day gets worse, no matter what. Somehow though, I can’t help but love it.

Doctor Lautrec Collector’s Edition Announced

Charles, here.

It is with great ecstasy that I announce the Limited Collector’s Edition of Doctor Lautrec and the Forgotten Knights, arriving to the Nintendo Three D. S. (Discouraging Sales) in proper English. This rare package is decorated with a portrait of myself, as the official spokesmodel of the franchise, executing the role of the dangerously handsome Dr. Jean-Pierre Lautrec.

Continue reading “Doctor Lautrec Collector’s Edition Announced” →

Humble Bundle #3

Two updates in a row! But I feel it’s important to get on these things. Humble Bundle 3 is out now! And this time it features a game I loved a lot; VVVVVV!

Also featured are And Yet it Moves, Cogs, Crayon Physics and Hammerfight. I can’t comment on the latter two but And Yet it Moves is surreal platforming brilliance while Cogs is an ok puzzler. Apparently VVVVVV includes a level editor this time around – and in any case you’re supporting indie developers and charity! So get over to humblebundle.com and name your price.

Continue reading “Humble Bundle #3” →

Digital Chocolate will not be served at Nintendo’s Cafe

In a shock opinion that’s shocked a few people somewhere, some guy who used to work on stuff has declared this the future of gaming,

Not only is this the future, but it’s good enough to kick Nintendo out of the videogame market. How does that work, you say? Free flash games, a threat to Nintendo’s business? Well Trip Hawkins, the man behind Digital Chocolate, makes some very good points. He’s come out and criticised Nintendo for not using the world wide web and creating companies with open platform game.. something.. or some shit. I don’t know what he’s f**king saying but it’s not good. This guy made the 3DO so he knows what he’s talking about. It all results in Nintendo going bankrupt and being forced into the dark age to build things out of scrap metal.

F**k it, no-one cares. I just wanted to use the headline.

From Chat: 9 minutes in Hyrule

Pro was sampling some Legend of Rehash 3D during a chat. Somehow, old gaming led to current events.

Pro Daisy: ok, Wind Waker’s most important innovation is the R-trigger block pull
Pro Daisy: none of this climb/grab bullshit
Pro Daisy: uh oh, link is in the garden, CALL HOMELAND SECURITY
Bill Aurion: haha, yeah, climb/grab is annoying, particularly when you are in a hurry (after hitting a timed switch)
Pro Daisy: castle courtyard
Pro Daisy: this is my big chance
Pro Daisy: to kill zelda
Pro Daisy: if i kill her now, none of this Celda, this Waggle, this Wii would’ve happened
Pro Daisy: change the course of history forever
Bill Aurion: can’t change DESTINY
Pro Daisy: how did i get past the guards? fake ID and shoe bombs
Pro Daisy: this scene in the courtyard with zelda… has huge significance in the industry
Pro Daisy: i bet this is where many future game designers began their “games are art” erections
Pro Daisy: “I am Zelda, Princess of Hyrule. What is your name?”
Pro Daisy: “…”

“MY NAME IS REGGIE”
Pro Daisy: “Strange… it sounds shomehow… familiar.”

“You saw our E3 presentation?”
Grubdog: the triforce of KICKIN ASS
Grubdog: the triforce of TAKIN NAMES
Grubdog: the triforce of MAKIN GAMES
Pro Daisy: !!
Bill Aurion: the triforce of NOT LOCALIZING GAMES
Grubdog: thats covered in #2
Bill Aurion: HRRRRN

Retroactive Video Updates

For citizens that like their online video to look like mud, I embedded clips into some old articles to help (quickly) illustrate the points I was trying to make (some dining establishments have pictures in their menus for a reason, right?). Trying to make a habit out of this to be consistent with future poasts.

You’re playing it wrong – The Crystal Bearers


Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz FPS Videos


Whatever the hell YouTube’s 480p setting is… isn’t. >=[

Confirmed fact: Wii U can’t play anything

Pietriots can today exclusively reveal that not only will Wii U not support DVD movie playback, but it won’t support VHS video playback either.

You will no longer be able to watch that video of Mary Poppins you taped off the TV in 1994.

This news has delivered a devastating, possibly fatal blow to the Wii U’s hopes of mainstream appeal. Already the list of confirmed media not supported by the device includes 7″ vinyl, cassette tapes, HD DVD and Sony’s popular UMD format. Crucially, laserdisc support has not been ruled out yet and I would speculate that Nintendo are courting third parties to release a USB floppy disk drive for the much maligned machine.

Fred Dutton is AT IT AGAIN

Man I hate this guy!
Can you spot the error?

Well my old friend Fred Dutton, best known for making alarmist news reports about the supposed existence of a Zelda Online RPG that was actually a decade old flash game, can’t get anything right. The news story is simple; Luigi’s Mansion 2 is being developed by Next Level Games. But even Fred manages to stuff that up by insinuating that Pilotwing’s developer Monster Games is behind the title. This isn’t even a typo down the page, it’s in the bloody headline.

It’s hard to believe Fred Dutton gets paid and I don’t.

Update!
So I was being challenged by sycophants in the Eurogamer comments who find it perfectly acceptable for journalists to misreport the news and attribute work to the wrong people. GameAsylum, in their summary of Nintendo’s conference, followed Eurogamer and credited Pilotwings to Next Level Games too. Unlike Eurogamer though, they’ve quickly edited and rectified their article.

Update 2!
Eurogamer have rectified their mistake. I have not received a thank you card in the mail yet but I’ll keep checking.