Category: Whatever

Uncategorized STUFF

Why I am excited for Metroid: Samus Returns

Depending on the circumstances, I am fine with being wrong. Can’t always be right about things, but much to my shock it turns out Nintendo had two new Metroid games in the works. One, which is coming out soon (September 15th!), is a full reimagining of the Game Boy title Metroid 2 for the 3DS. Metroid Prime 4 for Switch is still to be determined, but I guess the terrible Metroid fanbase* did not deter them after all.

*Fact: I still hate the Metroid fandom and think they are a blight on the series.

So with it’s impending release, I thought it would be best to talk about why I am excited for this new Metroid game. Continue reading “Why I am excited for Metroid: Samus Returns” →

So I heard you don’t like Switch’s voice chat app…

In only a couple of days Splatoon 2 will be out and I will be playing it immensely, because what I played of the recent Splatfest was awesome. However, with that said, Nintendo released the Nintendo Switch Online phone app and everyone on the internet is having a meltdown over it being terrible and shitmonglers like Liam “Tamaki” Robertson are taking advantage of the situation by concern trolling with… a picture of a DS with a Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection game because there was voice chat on that, sort of, and it sucked.

Oh no. Continue reading “So I heard you don’t like Switch’s voice chat app…” →

Crash Bandicoot was shit 20 years ago and is still shit today.

I was disgusted today to see that the remaster no one asked for, Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy, had sold out of pre-orders at some stores. As someone who played a lot of video games in the late 90’s, I can tell you that these three games are shit. Outside of Japan, there were precisely 20 days when Crash Bandicoot was relevant as a fun, 3D platforming game. But then Super Mario 64 came out and shat all over not just the original Crash Bandicoot but all future Crash Bandicoot games. Continue reading “Crash Bandicoot was shit 20 years ago and is still shit today.” →

Short-Sighted Ignorance

A fellow user by the name of Travis Touchdown on VG Facts recently brought to my attention and others this fan comic.

Stay classy, Samus.

Besides the not-so-obvious fact this is a Metroid comic strip, that is Samus with a punchline that makes absolutely no sense, but the comment she makes Samus say at the end is actually hilarious, in a “god you are a dumb ass.”

The two images (which the artist redrew in their own style) of Zelda from Breath Of The Wild are somehow evidence Zelda is somehow another crying princess that has to be rescued. I don’t know how many of our readers have played through Breath Of The Wild yet, so major spoiler warnings after this paragraph, because I have to break down why this webcomic author is a fucking moron. Continue reading “Short-Sighted Ignorance” →

The MGS2 Effect

I like talking about video games, but I also like talking about hilarious and/or stupid bullshit that you sometimes don’t think is important, but actually is. Today, I am putting on my gaming historian glasses to talk in-depth about an aspect of video games we sometimes think is always a good thing, and it is! Most of the time. Great sale figures!

Pretend you are a game developer and a game publisher. Yes, both. We’re not counting self-publishing such as indie titles, because most of my examples I will present in this piece are major video game releases. Say you are a game developer who spent two-plus years working ungodly man hours and your publisher gave you millions upon millions of dollars to make a video game. You can either succeed massively, mildly or just fail. Such is the way of this gaming industry. But hey, if you made a great game and it sells very well? Good for you! You not only received tons of praise, you could probably make any game you want for the same budget, sequel or original game! Continue reading “The MGS2 Effect” →

Dhoulmagus – Pity Piece

dhoulmagusImagine being a slave to convention and never living up to your full potential. That is the worthless fate of the majority of mankind. Not Dhoulmagus, though. This man is the most powerful jester in the world, stunning towns with high-level magic and traveling the world doing whatever he pleases. This isn’t an article for taking pity on Dhoulmagus, it’s about how amazing he is and how pitiful everyone else is. His expressive personality and quick wit make him the most brilliant villain the Dragon Quest series has ever seen.

Continue reading “Dhoulmagus – Pity Piece” →

Matto’s Favorite Switch Presentation Moments

Right, so. Nintendo had it’s big Switch reveal, and most of the Pietriots, myself included, were there to watch it. So while everyone is busy trying to downplay the positive reception to the reveal (ie selfish YouTubers, Game Jounalists, and those scared of motion controls still), I decided to list some of my favorite moments from the reveal. Let’s get going, shall we?
Continue reading “Matto’s Favorite Switch Presentation Moments” →

Those gaming thoughts and feels: Quadrilateral Cowboy

Sometimes I half-jokingly tell my friends I think gaming is a degenerate medium. Obviously I cannot claim to truly believe this as I spend so much of my time playing games. But really I think the lived experience of most games is that, played in excess, they are an affront to the human spirit and mind. That is because many games require you to repeat a certain enjoyable task over and over, training you to be dumber and less expectant of creativity and originality in the fictional world.

Continue reading “Those gaming thoughts and feels: Quadrilateral Cowboy” →

Matto’s Mario Madness [Part 1 – Super Mario Bros.]

It’s time for another Durpthrough, but this time it is something I wanted to do for a long time. I like Mario games, enough to do in-depth reviews of them years ago, so I thought to myself “hey, why don’t you do video playthroughs of them?”

Granted, it isn’t the most original idea on the planet, almost everyone has done a video playthrough of every damn mainline Mario title. My idea isn’t original, but hey, at least I am not e-begging for Nintendo advertising money. So, without further ado, here is the Super Mario All-Stars version of Super Mario Bros., the Mario game that started it all and celebrated it’s 30th anniversary last year. Continue reading “Matto’s Mario Madness [Part 1 – Super Mario Bros.]” →

The three (and a half) reactions to No Man’s Sky

No Man’s Sky is engulfing the gaming zeitgeist at the moment with every message board and news website drenched in discussion of the procedurally generated space exploration game. In this desperate attempt to get Pietriots badly needed clicks by posting about something topical, I’ll oversimplify the issue by distilling it down to what are essentially the only three responses the game has evoked. In fairness, the reaction to any game can be distilled down to the same three but the absurd about of hype around No Man’s Sky has amplified the effect. It is impossible to have a neutral opinion on this game, so, which category do you fall in?
Continue reading “The three (and a half) reactions to No Man’s Sky” →

Facebook advertising offers insights into the Zelda audience

Charles, here.

I had a windfall from my stocks in tobacco early this year and with a spare £15 I thought ‘why not invest in some Facebook advertising for that little gaming blog I own?’ Of course, I had to be diligent to not waste my spend. A cursuary glance at Pietriots reveals most of the content to be nostalgic yearning for children’s games of yonder and no amount of advertising could possibly generate any interest from stakeholders in reading these articles. Months passed, when young Bill Aurion wrote a topical and timely piece about The Legend of Zelda on the eve of the Electronic Entertainment Expo, this would be a perfect opportunity to promote content people may wish to read.

I now present the analytics of the Facebook advertising, with my insightful commentary revealing the truth about the audience of The Legend of Zelda. Continue reading “Facebook advertising offers insights into the Zelda audience” →

This is the new world of Zelda…

It’s been two years since we got our first look at Zelda U, and now there’s less than two days until the hood is finally pulled off the secretive title.

We sadly will not see the game released in time for its 30th anniversary, with it being delayed to next year (likely to NX launch in March), but that does little to dampen the anticipation Zelda fans have for the title’s re-unveiling. Well, by fans I mean actual fans, not the ones that think Zelda should be more like Dark Souls, that Wind Waker’s art style is too kiddy, that the series requires voice-acting to be playable, or the numerous others with similarly unpleasant opinions.

So if you’re up for some speculation, let’s dive right in.

Continue reading “This is the new world of Zelda…” →