Short-Sighted Ignorance

A fellow user by the name of Travis Touchdown on VG Facts recently brought to my attention and others this fan comic.

Stay classy, Samus.

Besides the not-so-obvious fact this is a Metroid comic strip, that is Samus with a punchline that makes absolutely no sense, but the comment she makes Samus say at the end is actually hilarious, in a “god you are a dumb ass.”

The two images (which the artist redrew in their own style) of Zelda from Breath Of The Wild are somehow evidence Zelda is somehow another crying princess that has to be rescued. I don’t know how many of our readers have played through Breath Of The Wild yet, so major spoiler warnings after this paragraph, because I have to break down why this webcomic author is a fucking moron. Continue reading “Short-Sighted Ignorance”

Axiom Verge – 01001110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01001101 01100101 01110100 01110010 01101111 01101001 01100100

BOOM! There goes the lab. As you stand up and gather your wits, the last thing you remember is something being knocked over. You don’t know what was happening in the lab, and memories of your identity are just as vague. It must have been a big explosion. You’ve suddenly appeared in this well-constructed series of rooms with 2D platforms, throbbing enemies, bizarre surfaces and kickass music. What could the experiment have been? To create a Metroid game?

axiomborn

Continue reading “Axiom Verge – 01001110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01001101 01100101 01110100 01110010 01101111 01101001 01100100”

Metroid Prime – Federation Soldier Log #09

justme

I’m not Samus Aran. I can’t wall jump, roll into a ball or somersault over waves of enemies. Armed with a human-sized mech, Federation equipment and a positive attitude, I’m just an ordinary soldier doing my best. I joined the Federation Force three years ago and I’ve been working my way up, taking care of a few Space Pirates here and there and helping other soldiers where I can. Today I’ve been assigned my toughest, most dangerous mission yet.

Continue reading “Metroid Prime – Federation Soldier Log #09”

Federation Force is a good game, and that’s NOT okay

I have spent the last week trapped in an emotional prison and I can’t take it anymore. I am absolutely fuming with anger after playing through Metroid Prime: Federation Force. It is a well-crafted game, and this is a big problem. Next Level Games have poured tons of resources into what is fundamentally an INSULT to Metroid fans. They’ve wasted 20 hours of my life, and KILLED the Metroid franchise by gutting the structure, butchering the art style, and offending my entitlements as a traditional gamer who has supported Nintendo since the NES.

notmetroid Continue reading “Federation Force is a good game, and that’s NOT okay”

Super Metroid – Sub-Hour Speedrun

I’ve been getting into Super Metroid more after the 3DS release and set myself a personal goal of beating the game in under an hour. I’ve already done this with Metroid: Zero Mission and had a great time finding the fastest route. With Super Metroid I had done what “felt” like a speedrun, but it’s a different kind of speedrun to Zero Mission. A lot of tricks and skips in this game are very difficult and non-traditional. This is due to Samus’s movement being more complex, and a lot of open environments that don’t stop you from doing crazy things. My current best time was 1 hour 19 minutes, and on 3DS I managed to get 1 hour 27 minutes on a refresher course through the game. My main motivation came when I realised there was still a lot about the game I didn’t know. How do you shortcharge? What other items can I skip? Are there better ways to fight the bosses? Can I do the Zebetite Skip?

zebetitestruggle

Continue reading “Super Metroid – Sub-Hour Speedrun”