Category: Features

Irregular Columns

“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: BATCH 5 FINAL

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I really wanted to do a special Halloween Durpthrough of a random horror game in my collection, giving you all an uncensored, uncut look into how much I freak out when I’m playing a REAL horror game.  Unfortunately, I currently sound like a frog being cranked through a meat grinder thanks to the horrible timing of a heinous mix of bronchitis and laryngitis.  So instead of something that might have been good, you get the final batch of Dead Island clips.

I completely skipped recording the prison section of the game right before the final boss because, well, I was sick of recording at the time, and didn’t realize we were so close to the end.  It’s not like you missed anything anyway.

So enjoy our last leg through the jungle, our bout with the ultimate worst final boss this generation, and finally the ridiculous closure (or lack thereof) of this miserable pile of pumpkin snot.  The horror…THE HORROR!

Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: BATCH 5 FINAL” →

Smart Phones With Dumb Games

Lately (well, the past few years) there’s been talk (viral propaganda, speculation) about handheld gaming systems becoming a thing of the past as iPhones and Androids threaten to take over the multibillion dollar industry inside your pocket. The logic behind it is that people want one machine that does everything. I understand this logic and I completely agree with it. It would make life a lot easier, more comfortable, and thus more enjoyable to only carry around one “device” and still be able to do everything. I’m perfectly happy carrying my 3DS and my phone in the rare instance I might need them together, but there are certainly benefits to this “idea” for different types of people. So how is this going to happen? Is the best approach really adding games to phones? I don’t believe so.

Currently we have two different mainstream devices competing for our pocket with their bulky presence: smartphones and gaming systems. I miss the days when we could just call everything a Game Boy, but we have Sony involved now, and Nintendo has 3D graphics and multiple screens. Anyway, smartphones are apparently “threatening” the purpose of owning a gaming handheld, as they start to accumulate game libraries of their own. Meanwhile, game machines are expanding too, but they aren’t becoming phones. We’re getting new 3D graphics and new gameplay concepts, and game experiences are expanding as we get incredible new stories like 999, and wonderful massive adventures like Dragon Quest IX. Gaming handhelds have also started to add features like internet browsing and direct downloads. It would seem that both smartphones and gaming machines are starting to become like each other in their own ways, but where is this heading?

Continue reading “Smart Phones With Dumb Games” →

The Hype War

Hours ago, war broke out across the North American continent – no platform was spared as Electronic Arts invaded, attempting to seize all Activision strongholds on the continent. As we speak, more EA forces are mobilising off the east coast of Australia and there are reports of the EA navy circling Europe from the North Sea to the Black Sea, preparing for an invasion before the week is out. This is of course the Great Gaming War of 2011 and just as the poster above depicts, your kids will ask you about what role you played in this pivotal moment in history.

Continue reading “The Hype War” →

“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Super Late Batch 4

These have been uploaded for quite a while, but I forgot to post them here on the site before I went on vacation.  Those of you who actually care probably already noticed them on PieTube, but here they are anyway.  The last batch should be up sometime in the next few days (the ending sucks, by the way, SURPRISE!), so until then enjoy the game-breaking glitches!

Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Super Late Batch 4” →

Be careful what you wish for

There certainly has been a lot of talk lately about whether or not Nintendo should quit hardware and become a third party.  This sort of discussion baffles me because I’m not aware of any year Nintendo ever lost money to such an extent that “going third party” was a necessity.  In fact, even in the recent “trouble years,” according to several game news websites, Nintendo still pulled down billions in profit.  The comparisons to Sega are thrown around as if they meant anything, despite Sega’s situation having been the result of a decade of financial missteps.  Sega was losing money for years before they were forced to become a third party in order to stay alive in the industry.  Nintendo is sitting fat on billions upon billions of dollars, and has never posted a yearly loss, ever.

Continue reading “Be careful what you wish for” →

Nintendo Connection Tour 2011 – Impressions

Nintendo Australia are currently touring the country with a new Connection Tour, giving fans the chance to show up and play some highly anticipated unreleased games. I was lucky enough to find time to attend one of them in Parramatta Westfield, and I spent a good few hours playing Mario Kart 7, Super Mario 3D Land, Skyward Sword, Kid Icarus: Uprising and Kirby’s Return to Dream Land. Most of my time was spent mingling with fellow Nintendo fans, and basking in the glory that is Mario Kart 7. Here’s a recap of the whole event!

Continue reading “Nintendo Connection Tour 2011 – Impressions” →

SSB:Brawl 60fps Videos – Old Online Replays

Getting some housekeeping done by clearing these years-old Super Smash Bros. Brawl videos from my hard drive. This batch covers the latest 10 videos dated from June 16 to June 21, 2008. Included are few random Basic Brawls; a couple matches with fellow Pietriot, “Mario”; and some matches with Maxi from the crusty old Former Nintendo Fan Report Planet (FNFRP). See the link below.

If you remember “Mario” from FNFRP, you’re old like us =[

View/Download
Super Smash Bros. Brawl, 10 60fps videos (DivX)

“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 3

ZOMBIES!  ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE THEY ARE ALL OVER ME GET THEM OFF!   OH GOD THEY ARE IN MY PANTS NOW IN MY PAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

…

And now for something completely the same:  Batch 3 of our Dead Island Durpthrough.  The second vid is the last “full” clip I’m uploading, because it’s pretty boring sitting around through the bunch of NOTHING the game tosses at us just to get to the interesting parts (where Ferny and I do crazy shit).  From then on are edited bits of chaos and stupidity.  Enjoy!

Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 3” →

“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 2

Ferny and I have been cranking time into this game (mostly to just get the damn thing over with), so this time there are four videos as opposed to three!  What to look forward to in our latest adventures:

~ Our desperate attempt to find ANY (non-gun) weapons!
~ More jerk-offs who have nothing better to do than shoot at other survivors!
~ A cameo by a member of the Banoi Hockey Team!
~ Dispatching of looters just ’cause!
~ Ferny blowing me up…AGAIN…!
~ A tranny wanting us to put posters of him up around town!
~ Me blowing Ferny up for a change!
~ Endlessly spawning Infected!
~ Our fear of falling from heights of up to TEN FEET!
~ Ferny’s exquisite driving skills!
~ OOOOOO, CHAMPAGNE!
~ Ferny and I dying plenty of times!
~ Oh, and zombies…Lots and lots and lots of zombies!

Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 2” →

“Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 1

Hey, Bill here.  I’ve been gone for a very…very long time for a number of issues including me becoming Dr. Bill, being out of town, and me just being a lazy bastard in general.  So hopefully now that things have stabilized a bit I’m hoping I can post more material.  One thing in particular I would like to do more of in the future is game “durpthroughs.”  Durpthroughs, because I don’t have the time, nor patience, nor attention span, to record footage for an entire play through a whole game.  Instead you’ll get random clips of me (and whoever is unlucky enough to play with me for co-op sessions) durping through whatever I feel like playing or showing off at the time, either due to me being impressed with how good the game is, or how bad it is. The first game I’m doing this with is Dead Island, which has already gotten plenty of bad press since its release over its terrible balancing, multitude of glitches, and it just not being a very polished game altogether.  I managed to trick Infernal into buying the game as well, and after a number of technical issues getting footage (including mic problems, audio woes, and hell, even just joining each other in-game), we finally managed to pull it together. So toss a bag of popcorn in the microwave, pop open a fresh can of legitimate cola, and watch as Infernal and myself stumble through and make fools of ourselves in Dead Island after the break.  Enjoy!

NOT A HYPERLINK HURRRRR!

Continue reading ““Durpthroughs” – Dead Island Co-op: Batch 1” →

Sony’s Treachery, Ten Years On

As the eleventh of September rolls around, the thoughts of everyone around the world will turn back to the victims of this terrible tragedy. And as we do, we let our minds wander towards the powerful feelings of sorrow, hate, and eventually a thirst for vengeance against the extremist group. Why? – we ask in exasperation, why did thousands have to die? Who could commit such atrocities? Certainly not Al Qaeda, a ragtag group of gun hobbyists in Central Asia. There is only one organisation with the resources, motive, willpower, and flagrant disregard for human life to disrupt the Nintendo GameCube launch in such an atrocious manner: Sony. Sony, the entertainment and electronic conglomerate were responsible for 9/11!!!!!!!

In the picture below, taken from a website that said it was from video footage of the World Trade Center attacks, you can clearly see the Sony logo on the tail of the plane. The other circles indicate where explosives, disguised as PS2s, were strapped to the exterior of the plan. You know, in case you’re too blind to make them out. I mean it’s clear to see, really.

911ps2circles

But why would Sony, not Al Qaeda, fly planes into buildings? Let us paint the picture.

Continue reading “Sony’s Treachery, Ten Years On” →

The Capcom Five – Video Memorial

NEVER FORGET

Before they cancelled Mega Man Legends 3, before they ignored Wii Pointer controls in Monster Hunter Tri, before they rewarded Resident Evil fans with rail shooters, before Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop could handle 6 zombies at once, before they announce Resident Evil: Revelations including the free Mercenaries HD for PS Vita launching simultaneously with the 3DS version (hi-ho 2012 release date) – Capcom presented… THE FIVE.

Never one to forget 3rd Party achievements, I put this little post together to help last generation’s players and this gen’s newcomers remember the pain for years to come. Actually, before rambling about the quintet’s history that everyone’s heard before, I want to bring attention to the titles as they were announced: by sharing nice-quality versions of their debut trailers (well, 4 out of 5 of them). If we’ll remember ANY of it, let’s at least see clean copies of them; one last face-to-face before closing the casket. I know you can search for the moldy Flash videos originating from Matt C.’s IGN, but try to have some respect for the departed. Those videos came from a time when magazine, internet, and even Nintendo’s own coverage made “good” GameCube games look crappy.

Tracking down known copies of these trailers a couple years ago took some time and $rupees$. My search was narrowed to a couple auctions for rare promo DVDs from Japan, eventually making some sellers very happy. In addition, I managed to gather almost all the promo videos for these games since their announcement. One last step (took forever), each video was processed piece by piece – deinterlacing, cropping out blank borders, scaling the frames for consistency – whenever reasonable, trying to help them look their best. It’s only these past couple months that I seriously sat down to finish converting this junk. When hobbies start to feel like work… I tend to avoid them. Recently feeling an urgent sense of justice, I could delay no more.

So here’s what I got: a few custom screencaps, my personal thoughts/description of each game at inconsistent degrees of relevance, and links to the DivX-formatted media on my homepage. But seriously, I went overboard, so don’t read all of it.

This first one up was the first one to go down…

Continue reading “The Capcom Five – Video Memorial” →