PokePark – Sent to Die

Unfortunately, this article isn’t about the game itself. I’ve yet to play PokePark: Pikachu’s Adventure, because I can not justify why it is the most expensive game on Wii.

Still selling for $99.95 AU at my local EB Games, PokePark is not only more expensive than the full fledged proper Pokemon RPG main games, it’s even selling for a “premium” over new Wii games that are actually popular and good, like Skyward Sword and Donkey Kong Country Returns. These games regularly see discounts and promotions, because people actually buy them. PokePark does not have that appeal, thus stays $99 alongside Xenoblade Chronicles. To add further horror, PokePark is a standalone game with no hardware packed in, as has maintained the same price for almost two years. The same copy of PokePark has been sitting on the shelf in EB Games since the day it came out, untouched. Nintendo even had the balls to release an official strategy guide alongside the game, selling for $30. You can get full, quality Wii games for that price. Just how much depth can PokePark possibly have?

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Fallout 3 – Class of 2077 (Journal)

*BANG*

Right through the head. The shot echoed through the wasteland, no doubt perking the ears of every creature for miles. It’s not the kind of sound you’d go running towards though, is it? Whatever, anyone in the area would just think it was raiders. How many more could there be? I had enough ammo to make the answer to that question “zero”. This school is mine.

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Breaking News: David Jaffe is Scum

I was about to goto bed but I made the mistake of clicking the header over at PixlBit after reading their review of satan’s resurrection. And there it was, breaking news, David Jaffe leaves the company he co-founded, sacking 20% of the staff as he walks out the door.

We’ve spoken about David Jaffe before on Pietriots. Specifically, the time he compared the PS Vita to a virgin vagina. After a while of following the guy around the internet like some deranged muck racking journalist, I was inspired to make the twitter account @FakeDavidJaffe to mock the guy. The truth is though, I just couldn’t compete with the real thing and was always two steps behind the man. I’d still be making fun of the fresh pussy comment and then the real David Jaffe would say people who don’t listen to rap music are racist. Or I’d find an old interview of him where he stops talking about his latest Twisted Metal game to directly address his internet critics and what they think of them. Then there’s his blog which is borderline unreadable due to his lack of traditional English grammar and total disregard for proof reading. In short, David Jaffe is a man without a filter.

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“Durpthroughs” – Fatal Frame IV – Batch 2

What do little boys, tag teams, creepy old men, nurses, and an old, abandoned hospital have in common?

…

Actually, don’t answer that.  The answer is, Batch 2 of my Fatal Frame IV Durpthrough!  The ghost encounters escalate as the plot sends me fighting an unexpected and familiar villain, puts me behind the eyes of yet another character, and teases a battle against a sadistic little girl!  Enjoy!

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Go Vacation – MotionPlus Games

Welcome BACK! Free Roaming time is over – it’s time to get into some more activities! Go Vacation supports a shitload of control options through its wealth of games, including Wiimote, Wiimote + Nunchuck, Balance Board, MotionPlus, Wii Wheel and the Zapper. Today we’re going to get out our fancy new controller to play some MotionPlus games.

Windsurfing is the first game I’m going to talk about, because it really took me by surprise. Expecting a passable point A to point B race, I got a creative use of Wii controls I’ve never seen before. No buttons are used in this, and there are two things you control. The first is the sail’s angle, and the second is the direction of the boat. These are BOTH controlled, simultaneously, with the Wii Remote.


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Big Beach Sports 2 – Motorsport Massacre

Oh yes, this game exists. Reception of the first game was mixed – some people actively hated the game, some passively hated it. Big Beach Sports managed to sell over a million copies; a very impressive milestone for any game. Despite this claim to fame, the game was a broken mess, and was only popular for being the first Wii game to feature Cricket. The motion controls didn’t work and it was a frustrating game to play. THQ decided this was a formula for success, and now it’s back. I’ve been lucky enough to get my hands on a copy of Big Beach Sports 2, and I thought I’d give THQ a chance to redeem themselves. After all, they went to the effort of getting a special team to handle this sequel. What could go wrong? With two all new racing mini-games, I couldn’t help but try it.


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“Durpthroughs” – Fatal Frame IV – House of Creepy Ghosties

Okay, here it is, a new round of Durpthroughs!  This time I take on another horror game, Fatal Frame IV, developed by none other than Grasshopper Manufacture (home of Suda 51, if you are one of those heathens).  Fatal Frame IV has a rather interesting history behind it, or rather, an interesting story of why it was never localized.  See, it WOULD have been localized if not for the fact that Tecmo was too cheap to go back and fix a bunch of glitches that were in the Japanese copy of the game (a couple of which prevent progress, and others that make it impossible to 100% the game no matter what you do).  NOE had actually started promoting the game in their region before NCL decided that it just didn’t make sense to localize a game that wasn’t to their standards.  So screw you, Tecmo!

Anyway, let’s hope I can pull through the entire game without running into anything game-breaking.  So grab yourself a bowl of popcorn, turn off all the lights, and enjoy the scares (or me shrieking like a schoolgirl, whichever fits your fancy)!

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Conduit 2 – One Man, Three Balls

Conduit 2 demands your attention. It’s a first person shooter with incredible controls, great graphics, good humour, addictive gameplay, a wealthy amount of options and customisation, and a whole lot of style. It’s a fairly short game, but it’s full blown entertainment from start to finish, and makes no compromises or excuses for it. Michael Ford is here to kick ass and take names, and he’s all out of names. Life’s too short for formality – there’s no time for “the” anymore – this is simply Conduit 2, and it’s time to shoot bad guys.

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“Durp!” – SCE 2-for-1 Special

It’s been far too long since the last “Durp!,” hasn’t it?  Truth be told, I’ve been trying to ignore the stupid things developers have been saying just to save me the trouble of writing up about it.  But as you can clearly see, this segment is back from the dead.  As my luck would have it, two beautifully, absurdly, and nearly-impossible quotes were dropped on my groin at nearly the same time.  So what could be SO bad that it ripped me off my lazy rump and into SUPER RANT MODE?

Oh ho ho, just take a look inside and see…

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3DS Wall Update

It’s time for another 3DS Wall update.  As usual, games have their score from GameRankings, and all the games are scored together to give a general idea of the quality of the out put from these various publishers and developers.  Scores are rounded up and they must have at least 5 reviews to curtail outliers.  Games with no review score mean that the game has not been released yet or have not attained 5 reviews.

Without further ado, let’s have a look.

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Pietriots U – Now PLAYABLE

We’re now live in HD. This is the future, except it’s already happened. Our new blue ocean strategy includes WIDESCREEN viewing for WIDE ASS sitting. Not only that, but we’re now playable in your hands with full 3D support. Welcome to Pietriots U, make yourselves at home and enjoy your stay! Here’s some Pullblox / Pushmo QR codes to start the day!

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